The Happy Talent
  • Blog
  • About
  • Popular
  • Education
  • Social Science
  • Travel
  • Products
  • Contact
"It is a happy talent to know how to play."

3 Very Depressing Reasons We're So Addicted to Social Media

5/12/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
At this point in time, it's pretty widely known that social media is horrible for us. It makes us sad. It makes us lonely. It makes us jealous. It makes us boring.  

Oh, and it gives us obesity, diabetes, and back and neck problems

Yet many of us spend more time than we wish to admit -- or even realize -- on social media. 

Why?
A number of psychological, professional and social reasons -- including but not limited to:

1. People have always felt the need to self-evaluate and social compare. Social media quantifies something that, historically, we've only been able to qualify.

As I recently wrote in According to Psychology, There Are Four Ways to Feel Better About Yourself:
Humans have a drive to gain accurate self-evaluations. We want to be able to compare our abilities and accomplishments to those of others...Upward social comparison provides hope and opportunities for social modeling. Downward social comparison helps us avoid self-pity.
Social media allows us to compare ourselves to others in terms of popularity and attractiveness. It also allows us to present a highly-edited version of our own lives to others, in an effort to raise our perceived status in our network.

In the past, knowing how pretty or sexy or popular you were wasn't easy to quantify. I suppose if you won prom king or queen, you would have a measure of how many people liked or adored you. 

But mostly, it was like, how many people smile at you or say hello in the hall? How many people showed up at your birthday party?

​But now, because of social media, you can regularly and immediately get a very quantitative measure of your social standing. You post a photo or a status update, and you instantly begin getting likes and comments. You know that 32 people liked that photo -- versus the 45 or 13 that someone else got on theirs. 


2. It's a fast and easy way to be entertained -- and it requires less energy than entertaining ourselves.  

We all live busy, hyperconnected lives. So when we finally have fifteen minutes to ourselves, we have the option of doing something active, like going for a walk, hopping on a slackline or working in a garden -- 
Picture
From: I Judge Guys Who Ask Me Out For Coffee.
We "prefer" to just check our newsfeed.

Or, at least, we think we prefer that. It makes sense that we would think that. Entertaining yourself requires some small startup costs -- you might have to put your shoes on, or get up from your chair, or break a light sweat. 

Generating an idea, and then getting up and doing it, takes a small amount of energy. Being entertained takes nothing.

​It's related to our instinct for idleness -- we like to do what seems easiest, because, from an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense to conserve energy for hunting, gathering, fighting and flighting.

​Which is actually really sad. Yes, it takes a little energy to get started actively entertaining ourselves. But it leaves us feeling energized. 

Being entertained by Facebook doesn't take any energy -- but it leaves us feeling lethargic, lifeless and drained.

Want to know more? Check out: Everything's Always Worth It: Reclaiming the Fifteen Minutes. 


3. Overuse of technology has left us feeling shy and socially awkward -- it feels safer and more comfortable to interact in controlled and edited ways.

"When did men stop being men?" is a pretty common complaint you'll hear from women these days.

And, to some degree, they're right. 

Men -- and women! -- have become shy, awkward and anxious about social encounters. The reason being:

Social skills are SKILLS. You learn them.

Personally, I have very little sympathy for people who don't want to go out because they're socially awkward -- it's kind of like saying they don't have good running skills, so they never go running. 

You have to work at it. 

And it definitely gets easier, the more you do it. 

Just ask... Oh, I don't know... How about Steve Jobs?

He's known for being all commanding and charismatic and stuff. But guess what? He taught himself to be that way! He wasn't like that as a young man. He learned charisma! He learned social and communication skills.

As an adult. 

And you can, too. 

I once wrote about how I have a problem with "pickup artists," but after reading Dr. Philip Zimbardo's new book, Man Interrupted: Why Young Men Are Struggling & What We Can Do About It:
Picture
I'm thinking about retracting that opinion. Or at least revising it. 

While I don't agree with all PUA methods, I can't emphasize strongly enough that there is no shame in trying to improve your social confidence or competence -- whether you do it through books (I highly recommend The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art of Personal Magnetism, by Olivia Fox Cabane) or coaching or good old fashioned practice.
​


​Humans are social creatures. One of the things that makes us happiest is another face. Like a real one. Looking and smiling at us. 

It's easy to interact (or stalk) online. It's quick. It's "safe." Getting little notifications about likes and comments might even make you feel a little bit good, for a second -- but at what cost?

Louis C.K. had a cool insight about this once that I thought would be interesting to close with:
Want to know more? Check out:
  • Playfulness Isn't a Trait. It's a Skill. If You're a Millennial, You Probably Never Learned It.
  • I got a smartphone, and it instantly made me less cool.
  • Everything's Always Worth It: Reclaiming the Fifteen Minutes.
  • Behold: The Number One Best Way to Make New Friends as an Adult.

Or! Ignore everything I just wrote and find me on Twitter or Facebook!
Craftsy
Mister Rogers Mug from the Unemployed Philosophers Guild
Climate Change Mug from the Unemployed Philosophers Guild
The Easiest Way to Create a Website. Weebly.com
2 Comments
Anonymous
7/13/2018 05:27:46 pm

Hello! I just read your article, and while I do see some very valid points in it, I have to say that some of this is not true for everyone. For example, for your second point, I am an artist on social media, and drawing brings me entertainment. That is a form of entertainment that I use, along with social media, to be able to share my artwork to the world, and hopefully inspire others. Also, for your third, social media actually helped me become more confident in real life! As a kid, I used to be extremely shy and feared more social type things, but due to communicating with other artists on social media, it helped me become, while still introverted, less nervous in talking with others at school, helped my social skills, and helped me discover more about my true self, who is other than just a shy kid. I know it is different for every person, but I just wanted to share my thoughts with you. Thank you so much if you read this!

Reply
Micheal link
10/25/2018 06:46:03 am

Amazing.You are always an inspiration.
you always make a blast on your blog with new posts.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    About the Author
    Picture
    Eva is a content specialist with a passion for play, travel... and a little bit of girl power.  Read more >


    Want to support The Happy Talent? CLICK HERE!
    Support the Happy Talent
    Or Find me on Patreon!
    Picture

    What's Popular on The Happy Talent:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

      Want more?

    Submit

    Trending in Dating and Relationships:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture



    ​What's Popular in Science:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture


    Playfulness and Leisure Skills:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Popular in Psychology and Social Skills:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Categories

    All
    20s
    Adolescence
    Backpacking
    Boredom
    Boredom Avoidance
    Camping
    Career Advice
    Careers
    Communication
    Confidence
    Consent
    Creativity
    Curiosity
    Dating
    Economy
    Education
    Entrepreneurship
    Fearlessness
    Female Travel
    Feminism
    Free Speech
    Gap Year
    Great Products
    Growth Mindset
    Health
    Hiking
    Hitchhiking
    Life Advice
    Meeting New People
    Mental Health
    Mexico
    Mindfulness
    Most Popular
    National Parks
    Outdoors
    Parenting
    Parenting Advice
    Passive Entertainment
    Play
    Playfulness
    Psychology
    Relationships
    Resilience
    Science
    Scuba Diving
    Self Help
    Self-help
    Sex
    Sports
    Stanford University
    Startups
    Study Abroad
    Summer
    Technology
    Teenagers
    Therapy
    Travel
    Yosemite

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
Photos used under Creative Commons from paweesit, Steven Penton, torbakhopper, Theo Crazzolara, edenpictures, Kiwi Tom, Wrangell-St. Elias National Park, Homedust, wocintechchat.com, Ralphman, wbaiv, kg.abhi, Jamiecat *, UnitedWarVeterans, D()MENICK, True Portraits, Neville Wootton Photography, Salvation Army USA West, South African Tourism, phalinn, WilliamsProjects, j_bary, Japanexperterna.se, thephotographymuse, Elvert Barnes, ThoroughlyReviewed, hairy:jacques, joncutrer, wuestenigel, Franck_Michel, jimwerner25, Imahinasyon Photography, joanne clifford, m01229, Antonio Campoy Ederra, Our Dream Photography (Personal), shixart1985, davidstewartgets, couples in nature, Dage - Looking For Europe, jonseidman, andymw91, garryknight, wuestenigel, Rosmarie Voegtli, werner.philipps, Gage Skidmore, Novafly, dinuxm1, Eddie Yip, Prayitno / Thank you for (10 millions +) views, DMahendra, James_Seattle, jamkablam, vanitystudiosphotography, Luiz Gustavo Leme, oki_jappo, Daquella manera, CasparGirl, Mary Anne Morgan, inkknife_2000 (10.5 million + views), homethods, wocintechchat, Hypnotica Studios Infinite, dailyrectangle, Tobyotter, torbakhopper, Kevin Johnston, David Robb, eisenberg_emily, True Portraits, Douglas Pimentel, pmarkham, Noize Photography, rawdonfox, dollen, davidstewartgets, ed and eddie, Ryosuke Yagi, Anthony_Greene, Ruth and Dave, best couples, Jenn Durfey, Cost3l, Orin Zebest, anjanettew, dollen, Editor B, Alexander Day, LyndaSanchez, polosopuestosblog, UpSticksNGo, Agência Brasil, homethods, Find Rehab Centers, Novafly, Deornelas4, buzzern, seefit, C. VanHook (vanhookc), University of Delaware Alumni Relations, Franck_Michel, gordontarpley, Chris Photography(王權), usadifranci, virgohobbs, TheUglySweaterShop, popofatticus, Mitya Ku, Stefano Montagner - The life around me, Official U.S. Navy Imagery, xxxology, Valentina (GaiaPhotography), True Portraits, Lars Plougmann, Scioto Photos, Carlos ZGZ, quinn.anya, anokarina, amtecstaffing, mliu92, sfbaywalk, MakaiylaW, jerseytom55, Ray in Manila, BoldContent, stevenbates, Janitors, True Portraits, dwhartwig, Kuruman, sffoghorn
  • Blog
  • About
  • Popular
  • Education
  • Social Science
  • Travel
  • Products
  • Contact