To all the hundreds of men who say "women will never be attracted to me" - Here's what you're doing wrong.
As anyone who follows my blog or Facebook knows, the two posts that consistently get the most views per month are
What Men Don't Understand When They Complain, "It's Only Creepy If The Guy Isn't Hot
"Creepy" Isn't About Attractiveness. It's About Reciprocity.
Due to these posts, I get a handful of private notes and comments thanking me for my encouragement and advice (some formerly creepy guys even have girlfriends now!)... and dozens of butthurt, defensive incels who are mad that I'd give them some basic advice about how to not come across as creepy.
Sometimes, before I hang out with a guy, I tell him, "If you ever touch me without my consent, I will kill you."
It is a happy talent to know how to play...
But in order to play safely (and without having your time usurped by people you don't like) in this world, especially as a woman, you need to be good at assertiveness and boundary-setting. That is something I'm good at — and it's the reason I've able to been spend literally years abroad as a solo, female traveler.
Lately, it's also the reason I've been able to spend the last 13 months on the road as a solo, female RVer.
We Tell Girls to "Look Out For Each Other" At Parties. Boys Should Be Looking Out For Each Other, Too.
In a perfect world, a girl could pass out completely naked on a fraternity floor and no one would touch her.
However, we do not live in a perfect world. We live in a world where girls and women have always been told not to go anywhere alone; not to go outside at night; and to keep an eye on each other at parties.
But considering how rape accusations have the power to royally fuck up a boy's or man's life, why aren't we also telling them that they should look out for each other?
My spirit animal. Image: @TheHappyTalent
Humans evolved to be extremely sensitive to loneliness — we couldn't survive or successfully reproduce while alone, so there was a strong evolutionary pressure to be lonely.
That is why loneliness causes tremendous physical and emotional agony — and why I've spent time writing posts to help the lonely find companionship.
It's also why my replies to the incels who criticize posts like What Men Don't Understand When They Complain, "It's Only Creepy If The Guy Isn't Hot" and "Creepy" Isn't About Attractiveness. It's About Reciprocity are curt, direct, and arguably "vicious."
The Curmudgeon's Quests, by Allan Wooley
When I found out Mr. Parris died, I sat on my porch and wept — the mailman didn't know what to do when he saw me there, blocking the mailbox.
What a heartbreaking loss for the whole world.
Last week, I found out that yet another teacher who shaped my high school experience had died. Though sad, I took comfort in learning that he'd published three books in his retirement.
I'm only on page 20 of Crumbs Cast Upon the Current: Some Stories, Poems, and Essays... but I already wish that all of my teachers would write a memoir before it's too late.
Chris Farley's famous "van down by the river" sketch was a hilarious staple of my childhood -- but now, as an adult, I completely, 100% understand Matt Foley's rage.
And I don't even live in a van down by the river. I've just been told I should.
Image: @TheHappyTalent on Instagram
Last night, like every night before it these last few weeks, was one of the most glorious of my life. It was midnight, and I was walking through the woods, alone. The trees blocked most of the moonlight and starlight, but above and below and all around me, I was surrounded by fireflies.
All at once, I felt secluded in nature, and like I was scuba diving, and like I was riding Space Mountain, and like I was on some kind of drug that just makes you love everything around more than you thought possible.
Liberals Shouldn't Let Conservatives Own Patriotism (And The Confederate Flag Has NO Business Flying Beside Our Flag)
I've spent 11 of the last 36 months traveling. From Austria to Cambodia to Honduras, I've blogged about how travel can teach you how to be happy; how travel is like being in kindergarten, college, and adulthood, all at once; and how there's no limit to how much you can learn (and teach) while abroad. I've seen wild orangutans, herds of elephants, five different hornbill species, 900-year-old temples, blue flame volcanoes (seriously!), and so much more.
Despite all this, when people ask me to pick my favorite country, the answer is easy:
America is the best country.
I recently had the good fortune of meeting Rich Gosse, chairman of The Society of Single Professionals and author of The Donald Trump Syndrome: Why Women Choose the Wrong Men to Love.
He told me something none of you millennials are going to believe:
"Even though I founded the second ever online dating site back in the 1990s, I still think meeting face-to-face is best.”
And I agree.
The last place I ever expected my writing to get shared... was incel forums. The Happy Talent is about taking accountability and making changes to self-improve. Incel forums are about whining like little boys and blaming women for all your flaws and shortcomings.
In particular, these man-children complain that I say things like, "Here are actionable steps to not seem creepy," and, "No means no."
Nevertheless, I have faith that at least some of these guys actually want to do better. Stop acting creepy. Find love.
Which is why today's lesson is: if a girl you were hitting on was rude to you, it's probably your fault.
About the Author
Eva is a content specialist with a passion for play, travel... and a little bit of girl power. Read more >
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