To all the hundreds of men who say "women will never be attracted to me" - Here's what you're doing wrong.
As anyone who follows my blog or Facebook knows, the two posts that consistently get the most views per month are
What Men Don't Understand When They Complain, "It's Only Creepy If The Guy Isn't Hot
"Creepy" Isn't About Attractiveness. It's About Reciprocity.
Due to these posts, I get a handful of private notes and comments thanking me for my encouragement and advice (some formerly creepy guys even have girlfriends now!)... and dozens of butthurt, defensive incels who are mad that I'd give them some basic advice about how to not come across as creepy.
Saying "People With a Cervix" Literally Kills Women (Especially Low-Income, English Learning, and Less Educated Women)
I received a highly offensive reminder from Kaiser Permanente recently: "People with a cervix should receive a screening for cervical cancer every three years."
Setting aside the fact that I am not comfortable receiving care from a medical team that thinks "woman" is a dirty word and would prefer to refer to me as body parts and vaginal discharges, this reminder made me angry because exclusive, woman-erasing language like this literally kills women, harming the most marginalized women the most.
Sometimes, before I hang out with a guy, I tell him, "If you ever touch me without my consent, I will kill you."
It is a happy talent to know how to play...
But in order to play safely (and without having your time usurped by people you don't like) in this world, especially as a woman, you need to be good at assertiveness and boundary-setting. That is something I'm good at — and it's the reason I've able to been spend literally years abroad as a solo, female traveler.
Lately, it's also the reason I've been able to spend the last 13 months on the road as a solo, female RVer.
We Tell Girls to "Look Out For Each Other" At Parties. Boys Should Be Looking Out For Each Other, Too.
In a perfect world, a girl could pass out completely naked on a fraternity floor and no one would touch her.
However, we do not live in a perfect world. We live in a world where girls and women have always been told not to go anywhere alone; not to go outside at night; and to keep an eye on each other at parties.
But considering how rape accusations have the power to royally fuck up a boy's or man's life, why aren't we also telling them that they should look out for each other?
That Overused Comic About "Double Standards" Actually Means the OPPOSITE Of What Dudes Think It Does
This stupid comic! Three different people posted this on my social media this morning in unrelated discussions about "unfair double standards."
Which is why I feel morally obligated to inform you: if you actually look at it, this comic means the opposite of what you think it does.
Spring break is canceled. Your summer travel plans are canceled. Date night is canceled. Open mic, karaoke, sports, concerts, birthdays, weddings.
It's all canceled.
Even your ability to hike in local parks or surf local beaches may be canceled.
And one way to cope with these losses may be a small investment in a starry night or ocean projector.
At What Point in a Female Musician's Career Can She Stop Flashing Her Crotch And Literally Dancing on Stripper Poles?
I'm not outraged. I'm not offended. I'm just sad.
I recently had the good fortune of meeting Rich Gosse, chairman of The Society of Single Professionals and author of The Donald Trump Syndrome: Why Women Choose the Wrong Men to Love.
He told me something none of you millennials are going to believe:
"Even though I founded the second ever online dating site back in the 1990s, I still think meeting face-to-face is best.”
And I agree.
The last place I ever expected my writing to get shared... was incel forums. The Happy Talent is about taking accountability and making changes to self-improve. Incel forums are about whining like little boys and blaming women for all your flaws and shortcomings.
In particular, these man-children complain that I say things like, "Here are actionable steps to not seem creepy," and, "No means no."
Nevertheless, I have faith that at least some of these guys actually want to do better. Stop acting creepy. Find love.
Which is why today's lesson is: if a girl you were hitting on was rude to you, it's probably your fault.
I was a Game of Thrones hipster. I almost certainly read the books before you did, because I read them in 2003. You read them in June 2011.
The same is not true for me and Harry Potter. I didn't start reading them until 2004, so I only had to wait for two of the books to come out.
About the Author
Eva is a content specialist with a passion for play, travel... and a little bit of girl power. Read more >
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