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"It is a happy talent to know how to play."

What NOT To Do When Your Friends Are Jamming Around a Fire (Or ANYWHERE)

5/1/2022

3 Comments

 
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I'm shocked I even have to say this — but it appears I must. 

As a full-time RVer, I spend about half my time at campgrounds, and half my time boondocking (dry camping) on public land, wilderness areas, wineries, breweries, museums, and distilleries. (See also: Harvest Hosts Lets You Camp For Free. It's Also Keeping Small Businesses From Closing During the Pandemic.)

As a singer-songwriter, I spend many of my evenings playing guitar or writing songs, whether by myself or with friends I've met along the way.

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Image: The Happy Talent on Instagram

There's this funny thing that happens, sometimes, when you are making music socially in the digital age, and I feel morally compelled to say something about it.

So I'll be making music. I've got my voice and my guitar. There will be others with me. Maybe they'll have a guitar or a harmonica or a tambourine (or even just a bottle of palm wine). We'll be rocking out, having the greatest time anyone's ever had...
​

Then someone in the group, usually a non-musician, asks, "Do you know Bla Bla Song?"​

​When the answer is no, the person gets out their phone and starts playing the song on Spotify. 

And it's like, Bro. 

BROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Don't do this. 

We did not haul our instruments out to the desert or down that cliff or across the sand dune so we could listen to recorded music on your cellular telephone. 

We hauled our instruments out here so we could make our own music, using our own talents and skills. 

This seriously happens, like, all the time, and we need to talk about it. 

I get why it's happening. Someone who doesn't play music is with people who do play music, and they're trying to, like, participate. 

But musicians don't want to listen to music on your phone. 

We do want you to participate. 

So grab a broken piece of boogie board. Grab a tambourine or a stick and make some percussion. 

Or. Use your phone to look up the lyrics to the song we're playing so you can sing along — maybe even harmonize! 

​Failing that... Dance!!
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Image: The Happy Talent

It's a campfire. No one expects you to be Mozart or Mick Jagger. We'll settle for a Bob Dylan or a Mark Madsen. 

But it's not just that some people don't play musical instruments. 

It's that so many of us grew up in a world in which passive entertainment is easy and ubiquitous... which means our playfulness and leisure skills have suffered. Many of us have very stunted play skills and don't really know how to entertain ourselves. 

We only know how to be entertained. 

Which is why so many people think it's normal to interrupt a jam session to stream music on their phone. 

The great thing about playfulness and leisure skills is that they are just that: skills. Even if yours suck. Even if yours are stunted. You can still develop them.

And you should. 

According to research on the topic, including my own, people whose leisure skills are less developed are more likely to have all the bad things happen to them, from anxiety and depression and substance abuse to stomach aches and back pain. 

It is better to be able to entertain yourself than it is to depend on technology to entertain you. 

And if you're at a campfire with another or other musicians, this is a great time to begin learning new skills -- whether musical or mental. 

***

Another thought on this: I recently wrote Stop Telling Amazing Women That They're "Too Much" and to "Be Less." Instead, Tell YOURSELF You're Too Little and to Be More. 
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​Apparently, my ex-boyfriends' new ladyfriends all read it and had a fit... Creepy, but kinda hilarious. Image: The Happy Talent.

When you do something that stops others from making music because you don't know how to make music, you're telling people to be less. Instead, you should set a goal for yourself to be more.

***

AND FINALLY. 

​On the topic of music making. I have a new song out on Spotify! ​
​

It's about falling in love at open mic night. And the awesomeness of the girl making the first move. And the powerful and explosive intimacy of small touches with someone you've truly, deeply connected with. 

Give it a listen! Give it three! You can even check out the lyrics if you want! I had so much fun recording this with the amazing Patrick B. Ray, and can't wait for future tracks to drop! 
3 Comments
changingthenarrative
5/13/2022 07:17:44 am

Mark Madsen as in the former T'Wolves power forward? 😂 Or is there some other famous Mark Madsen I'm not aware of?

Anyway, I played drums for years, and yeah pulling out a phone or requesting a song or otherwise taking away from the energy during a jam session is the equivalent of a party foul.

A jam session is a spontaneous thing that happens between two or more musicians where they vibe with each other and make music together going off of that vibe and going off of what the other does. Usually in my case it was an electric guitar because they're the easiest to mesh with as a drummer. It's fun and challenging and very bonding.

I completely agree about passive entertainment. Most people these days really only know how to be around things happening or be entertained or other passive ways of existing that don't require anything of themselves. It's a big reason why things are getting so bad and why so many supposed adults have the entitlement and narcissism of the least disciplined of children. They expect to always be catered to.

My mom would give me a chore to do if I complained about being bored growing up haha, and I was pretty much always outside growing up simply because I wanted to be. Most of my friends were. I knew some whose parents would actually lock them out during the day so they stayed outside and played.

I actually used to be kind of annoying to people because even with passive entertainment like movies or TV or videos or music or anything, I was so actively engaged with it that I'd notice every little thing and want to talk about it. I'd point out the flaws in commercials for example and why they're ridiculous. And mock the plot of an episode or a TV movie. Things that probably should be limited to being put in blogs or something haha

But yeah, people just need to learn to not care what others think and enjoy themselves and connect with the moment or the music or whatever else. Sing badly if you're a bad singer. Dance ridiculously if you're a ridiculous dancer. Be weird if you're weird. Who cares? Just be in the moment.

Reply
Eva Glasrud link
5/13/2022 08:35:38 am

Yes, that Mark Madsen! I love the man as a basketball player... but his dance moves are what I'm referring to here. :P

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1ciMXvSE8U


> "Usually in my case it was an electric guitar because they're the easiest to mesh with as a drummer. It's fun and challenging and very bonding."

Yes, but THAT SAID. I've found my acoustic stuff sounds 1,000% better with a little percussion. :P

> "My mom would give me a chore to do if I complained about being bored growing up."

ME TOO. And I am SO GLAD. As a child, when you say you're bored, you want to be immediately entertained. Giving a child a chore or telling them, as my mom did, "Boring people lead boring lives," teaches them that boredom is a choice and being able to entertain oneself is a skill. A good friend messages me yesterday to ask if I ever get bored, and I said, "No. Boredom is not something I experience. Ever. Entertainment comes from within, not without."

Every time I said I was bored as a child, I was disappointed with the outcome. But in retrospect, I am SO thankful my mom had the wisdom to do this.

> "I was so actively engaged with it that I'd notice every little thing and want to talk about it. "

We are twins. It usually takes me about 3 hours to watch a 90-minute movie, because I constantly pause it to comment and analyze and speculate. Some people are into it. Others get so exasperated!


Reply
changingthenarrative
5/13/2022 09:36:23 am

Haha oh man that's like Crispin Glover in Back to the Future level square white guy dancing! Wow.

"I get stupid, I mean outrageous. Stay away from me if you're contagious". Now it's in my head haha

True. I've been working on getting more comfortable with hand percussion instruments for that very reason.

I completely agree about being bored. "If you're bored then you're boring", as Harvey Danger sang.

Haha we'd probably exhaust each other then. Deep conversations about the themes at play in the 1989 Batman movie or something. In my defense, I do like to watch more "intellectual" movies as well. I just don't think people have enough appreciation for when simple movies are done exceptionally well though. Awesome and deep and meaningful themes are written into even the most simplistic of action films.

Having said that, one of my favorite things is to point out and mock how almost every actor in "American" true crime reenactment shows has a Canadian accent. The cops might as well say "We know you did it, eh" or something.

I remember back in the day I exhausted people while playing Madden or watching a game by talking about historical teams or players or great moments I witnessed. It's funny because fans are into these things when alone and watch programs on or read pieces about these things having to do with the game but in person many just want you to shut up and watch the damn game 😂




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    Eva is a content specialist with a passion for play, travel... and a little bit of girl power.  Read more >


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