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"It is a happy talent to know how to play."

Yesterday, A Man Told Me I Should Be Jailed For My Opinions. We Both Live In America.

11/28/2021

17 Comments

 
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​It seems most people have a very tenuous understanding of what "free speech" entails.

It started like any normal friendship.

I was exploring a gorgeous park in Duluth, Minnesota, when my golden retriever detected a swimming hole, fed by a gorgeous waterfall. I wasn't going to not swim, just because I had no swimsuit and there were children...

​So I jumped in, fully clothed! 
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Image: @TheHappyTalent

When I came out of the water, there he was. 

We got to talking about full-time RVing (I'm 14 months into a two-, possibly three-, year trip), interacting with costumed actors in living history museums, and trust (or lack thereof) in long-term romantic relationships. You know — typical "small talk." (By which, of course, I mean: there's no such thing as "small talk." Only small minds.)

We both enjoyed the conversation, so after warning him that I'd kill him if he ever touched me without my consent (as his intention was not to rape me, he did not mind me asserting my right to defend myself against male violence), I suggested we go biking the next afternoon.
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Spirit Mountain was wild... but not as wild as that wildfire smoke! Image: The Happy Talent
  
It was a truly wonderful day...

Until things suddenly got very tense. 

I was complaining, as I do, that China makes me mad every day. Whether poaching whale sharks or killing tigers to turn their penises into bullshit "medicine" or escalating aggression in the South China Sea or disappearing journalists, that country is responsible for a lot of global injustices.

"But then again," I added offhandedly, "most countries in the world don't have free speech or free press the way we do in the US. Even in the UK, five people were arrested for writing racist tweets on Twitter during England's Euro 2020 defeat — and women have even been arrested in front of their children for using the wrong pronouns on social media." 

"Good," the man said.

"Good?" I asked.

"Yes, good. That's hate speech."

"First of all, it's not 'hate speech' to believe that males don't belong in women's sex-segregated spaces, like bathrooms, locker rooms, prisons, and hospital wards. Women's oppression is sex-based, not identity-based, so our rights and legal protections also need to be sex-based. No one should discriminate against against trans people for being trans... but it doesn't make sense to erase women's rights in the name of 'equality.'

"Second, as abhorrent as it is, hate speech is protected speech."

"No it's not."

"Matt. It is. And that's really important, because if we're going to make hate speech illegal, someone has to decide what 'counts' as hate speech and what is permissible."

"Well, some words should not be permissible. Like the n-word."

"Okay. Well, if we're going to outlaw that word, let's also outlaw the b-word, the c-word, and the p-word, because as a woman, I find them degrading and offensive, so we should ban those words, too right?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Then, the typical far-left cop-out: "As a white male, it's not for me to decide."

"Then who should decide?"

No answer to that one, either. 

"The thing is, Matt... issues are complicated. First Amendment rights matter because sometimes, facts, research, and evidence-based opinions hurt people's feelings. But that knowledge and those perspectives have value — and no one wants to live in a society where people are jailed for their opinions. No one wants to live in a society where artists are arrested or assaulted for their art, or where the 'wrong kind' of feminist — those who believe that their oppression is because their bodies are smaller and weaker than males'; that their oppression is because they bear disproportionate reproductive responsibilities, and every education and career decision they make is related to this biological reality; that their oppression is because so many of us suffer from debilitating pain every month, when we're literally on the floor, unable to work or go to school, yet endometriosis is one of the least-researched conditions that affects at least 10% of us!; that their oppression is because of the huge amount of male violence and male sexual violence against women, and therefore we need our sex-segregated spaced and rights — I mean, to me, it seems misogynistic to suggest that our oppression is because we 'identify' as women. As though all our problems would go away if we just wore less lipstick. That is so ignorant and hateful and insulting."

"But transwomen are women, too."

"No, Matt. I don't agree with that. Transwomen are transwomen — as in, males who identify as women. That's not the same as being female. Not by a long shot. And there's nothing wrong with that! Why not celebrate the beautiful diversity of human gender expression, rather than erase entire sex categories and try to force males to fit themselves into a different biological category? It's only going to cause them pain and make them crazy!

"Regardless, I don't think there's anyone out there who wants to deny transwomen human rights because of their identity, and I think there are plenty of ways that we could be more inclusive as a society. However, since women's oppression is sex-based, not identity-based, there are necessarily going to be times when males need to be excluded. For example, in women's sports. 

"The science is very clear on this. Research shows that two years into hormone therapy, transwomen still retain more than half their male advantage over female athletes. A 2021 review by five sports councils in the UK found that there is no fair way to include males in women's sports without excluding women from their own sports." 
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Matt interjected, "That's not true." (It is true, even if it hurts people's feelings.) "And besides, that's only because we force trans children to go through male puberty."

"That is a different issue, though, Matt.The question of medical ethics when it comes to irreversible treatments and surgeries we do on literal children is different from the question of competitive fairness for women. We can discuss the medical ethics if you want, but we cannot conflate medical ethics with athletic fairness.

"The fact is, anyone who's gone through male puberty is going to have a 10-50% physical advantage over women, depending on sport. Longitudinal studies on testosterone suppression consistently show very modest changes, where the loss of lean body mass, muscle area and strength typically amounts to approximately 5%, even after 12 months of treatment. Which makes sense. Going through male puberty changes every part of you, from your heart to your lungs to your bones to your blood vessels."
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Image: Save Women's Sports

"I don't think any of that should really matter, though. Sports shouldn't be about winning. They should be about inclusion."

"Wow. So basically, you're okay with erasing women from their own sports? You're okay with girls who have worked hard their whole lives losing their spot on an Olympic or DI sports team, their college scholarship, their world record — or even just their school record or spot on a high school varsity team — to a male with an unfair biological advantage? Do you have any idea how regressive that sounds?"

"It's not regressive."

"Taking women's sports away from women is extremely regressive."

"It doesn't matter. It's just sports, and sports are for everyone."

"Yeah, Matt. I think your male privilege is showing. You clearly have no idea what it's like to be a woman. And you have no idea how tremendously important girls' and women's sports have been for me. Every single day, someone tells me I'm brave. Every single week, someone asks me where I got my confidence and courage — to ride expert-level double black mountain bike trails by myself, to tow a large RV, to travel the world alone. 

"Part of it comes back to how I was raised. My mom taught me that there are no victims, only volunteers. She taught me to be assertive and stand up for myself. But a huge part of it comes back to women's sports. To knowing that if I set a goal, I could achieve it. To knowing that if worked hard, I could be the best. To pushing my own limits. To winning. To losing. 

"I don't think, for one second, that there's any chance I'd have the confidence and courage I have now without my participation in women's sports. I don't think I would have loved sports nearly as much, either, if I went into them knowing I couldn't win — that the best I could hope for is maybe third. There is something magical and transformational about women's sports, so don't sit here and tell me they don't matter."

"Well, then maybe we should just get rid of sex categories altogether, and just group people by ability."

"Yes. Leagues A-J would all be 100% male, and we'd finally start seeing women in the freaking K-league. Do you honestly think it's fair to have the top 1% of female athletes competing with slightly above-average, beer belly males? You seriously think that's empowering to us?"

"I don't think it matters. Transwomen are women."

"No. Tranwomen are transwomen. That's beautiful, that's wonderful, but it's not the same thing as being female."

"That's hate speech!"

I looked at him. "So... you think I should be jailed for having this opinion?"

"Absolutely."

***

This privileged white man obviously has no idea what the lived, biological reality of being a woman entails. But he also has no concept of what it would be like to live in a country where those guilty of thoughtcrime and wrongthink are jailed for their opinions and journalists are disappeared for their writing. 

This privileged white man has no concept, either, of just how rare it is for citizens to have the kind of rights we do in this country. Our Constitution, though imperfect, is wildly progressive — not only for the time in which it was written, but even by today's standards. 

He's never made friends with a local in another country who, after establishing trust, cautiously checked over both shoulders before whispering, "They tell you that our schools are free, but they aren't," or, "They already showed up at my mom's house and threatened to arrest her if I keep talking. They already threatened to break my legs. You're American. Can't you help us?"

Instead, he stays safely in his little white man bubble, blissfully unaware of the atrocities committed around the world every day in the name of censorship, oppression, and thought policing — or, as he might call it, "politeness" and "decency."

To his delight and my horror, there have already been laws passed in this country compelling speech — a clear violation in the First Amendment. California, New York, and New Jersey have passed legislation to fine or jail citizens with certain professions (health care workers, landlords, business owners, and employers) who use the wrong pronouns, regardless of personal or religious beliefs. 

I know this post is about one conversation I had with one regressive, crazy guy... but anyone who thinks their rights — whether as a woman, or as an American citizen — are not under attack, you have not been paying attention. 
17 Comments
Liz
11/29/2021 02:36:23 pm

I'd honestly rather talk to a brick wall than anyone who spouts those thought-stopping mantras on repeat. Good for you staying the course. Speaking up for women's rights shouldn't be controversial, but since it apparently is, we need free speech to ensure that you can continue to share your thoughts and opinions.

Reply
Kari
11/29/2021 04:49:48 pm

Thank you for speaking up. I've been chickening out on discussing this issue for awhile because of some insane responses in the beginning (similar to what you've experienced), but we can't let these wokebros talk over us forever. I feel like the trans issue brings up some of the most overt misogyny I've experienced.

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Zane
11/30/2021 09:36:58 pm

Thanks for the excellent post. I thought most men just know how to parrot this bullshit in order to try to get women to sleep with them. You found a true believer.

When someone says, "transwomen are women," ask them what their definition of "woman" is. They won't have one that isn't horribly offensive and prejudiced by anyone's standards.

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Eva Glasrud link
12/1/2021 03:45:55 pm

Oh, I've asked. Apparently my femaleness is just a social construct.

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Adrian
12/21/2021 02:39:08 pm

"Woman" is an amorphous blob that anyone can identify into. It's basically a costume to people like this wokebro. That's why they literally think you can change sexes just by proclaiming you're now the opposite sex. It's every bit as absurd as a 40-year-old literally saying he's a teenager, or a white person literally saying he's black. You can identify as whatever you want; it does NOT MAKE YOU THAT THING.

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Adrian
12/21/2021 02:44:17 pm

Also, it's terrifying that people like this exist in a free country. Apparently he has no grasp of history, or has even read the likes of "1984" or "The Gulag Archipelago." The First Amendment exists precisely to protect the speakers of unpopular opinions from persecution. No one's trying to ban ideas that everyone agrees on. This should be common sense, but apparently common sense is not a flower that blooms in everyone's garden

Beyan
12/1/2021 11:08:13 am

Girl you so crazy, and you look 🔥 in that dress!! But do you ever have positive interactions with men? 🧏🏻‍♀️

Reply
Eva Glasrud link
12/1/2021 03:45:27 pm

Almost constantly! At least three times a week, I meet a guy who makes the prince charmings from our romcoms look like schmucks. Most guys are amazing, capable of intelligent thought... and not creepy stalkers.

There's not much reason to talk about them in a blog post, though. They're more likely to end up in one of my love songs. <3 <3 <3

Reply
Zane
12/2/2021 12:34:39 pm

She had a positive interaction with "Thomas Jefferson" recently. See previous post.

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Eva Glasrud link
12/3/2021 08:20:29 am

AHHH it's so true! I had THE MOST positive interaction with Thomas Jefferson. That John Randolph, on the other hand, was quite the scoundrel, talking about America like it was a stupid little baby with no right to self-govern.

HOMER BARNWELL link
12/17/2021 02:43:09 pm

As an older conservative voter I wish to commend you on your willingness to speak out about your beliefs while respecting free speech and our constitution. I also commend you for not allowing the discussion to degenerate into shouting and name calling.

While I pretty much agree with your opinions expressed in this post I suspect there are many topics in which we would disagre. As an American and a Veteran there is one principle I have always lived by:

"I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it!"

Peace out and safe travels my friend!

Reply
Andie
12/21/2021 03:05:56 pm

It’s so easy for the Matts of the world to say women’s sports should just go away. Matt doesn’t have to compete against people with inherent biological advantages. Just claim TWAW and if actual women can’t cut it, too bad. Also, sports isn’t about winning? Tell that to any competitive athlete who spends years training to be the best at what he or she does. No more keeping scores; no more Olympics; no more championship games. Sounds like a beautiful beige world of “inclusion” you envision there for all of us, Matt.

Also, I love the “as a white male” copout. Dude, you just said you want to ban a racial slur that’s not aimed at your race. You can’t have it both ways. Either you’re a self-appointed white savior who thinks he can speak for everyone or you’re not.

Also, incidentally, as a male, you don’t get a say about women’s sports. Walked right into that one, didn’t you, Matt?

Reply
changingthenarrative
4/26/2022 08:45:45 am

Your second paragraph is exactly the kind of self-awareness they do not grasp.

These are people who genuinely believe they live under an authoritarian anti-leftist government even now. They genuinely believe leftists always get censored most and oppressed most and dealt with harshest. They genuinely believe they live under a police state even though they get probation for throwing Molotov cocktails and burning buildings! How anyone who punches a cop unprovoked can possibly think they're the victim or being persecuted for their "protest" even when that assault on a police officer doesn't lead to jail time is just mind-blowing.

They are merely overprivileged narcissists who have never faced any real consequences in their lives and can't even handle criticism. They're the epitome of overgrown children, in the worst way.

Reply
changingthenarrative
4/26/2022 08:48:57 am

Lol of COURSE his name was Matt. I'm amazed it wasn't Josh or Caleb or something. Thurston even.

It's sad these entitled narcissists have taken over so many physical and virtual spaces and come to basically dominate every single industry and aspect of society.

I really wish I had been reading this blog over the past two years. It really would've saved me some of my sanity haha

Reply
AK
8/31/2022 08:28:19 pm

Well, where to start:

No-one wants to take away rights from trans people for being trans? The rates of violence they suffer (not just due to sex work, as if that makes it okay anyway) and harassment and discrimination they face for being trans should not simply be dismissed in such a dishonest way.

Secondly, distinguishing sex and gender helps achieve the distinctions you're trying to make. A woman is a biological woman whose gender is female, a trans woman is a biological man whose gender is female. In some contexts only the sex matters (as in the sex-based oppression you care about), in some contexts only the gender matters (e.g. how I'd address them if they requested me to address them by their gender), sometimes it depends on the individual (e.g. whether on is willing to date a trans woman), sometimes it's the disparity that matters (e.g. issues that are unique to trans-women). I fail to see how this doesn't successfully delineate between trans-women and women, where appropriate.

Thirdly, if you oppose the above paradigm, and completely dismiss the idea of "gender", are you happy allowing transmen into those female safe spaces?
Something tells me you wouldn't. This makes sense especially if they've done hormone therapy to be more manly/stronger etc. If only biological sex mattered, then they'd belong into female only shelters, an absurd proposition.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, you don't think trans-women are wonderful. I've seen your posts on Quora, and the derision and mockery you approach and talk about such people. You heavily dislike them, even the ones that don't bother anyone - at least be brave enough to admit it!

I'll defend to the death your right to any opinion... But that won't stop me from calling out a coward when I see one.

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Eva Glasrud link
9/7/2022 08:37:16 am

Oh, honey. Where to start?

> "No-one wants to take away rights from trans people for being trans?"

No. No one does. Dress how you want. Call yourself what you want. No one is fighting your right to do that. They just want to keep males out of women's female-only spaces because males are not entitled to undermine women's sex-based rights.

> " The rates of violence they suffer (not just due to sex work, as if that makes it okay anyway) and harassment and discrimination they face for being trans should not simply be dismissed in such a dishonest way."

The research I cited was actually conducted by a trans researcher. Indeed, they found that when you control for violence that happens during sex work, males are not sexually assaulted at NEARLY the rates of women.

If you were a careful and good reader, instead of an over-emotional one, you'd've noticed that every single time I've ever cited this study, I've explicitly said that it is not okay to sexually assault sex workers -- BUT that it makes zero sense to compare violence trans-identifying males experience in the course of sex work to violence women experience in the course of their everyday lives, just for being female.

Males are not nearly as vulnerable to male violence as women are, because women have female bodies and males have male bodies.

The only dishonesty here would be to compare male-on-male violence experienced during sex work to male-on-female violence experienced every day, just for being women.

> "Secondly, distinguishing sex and gender helps achieve the distinctions you're trying to make."

You cannot separate sex from gender. Women are female. That is the ONE thing ALL women have in common. Some females "feel like" men, and some males "feel like" women. But the one thing every single woman on this planet, whether she's a sumo wrestler or an astronaut or a stay-at-home mom or a paraplegic, is that we are all female.

A male can "feel like" a woman, but a male can never be a woman. A special word is needed for such males: either trans-identifying males or transwomen.

> "In some contexts only the sex matters (as in the sex-based oppression you care about)"

Yes. We are in agreement. Because women have female bodies and experience sex-based oppression, our rights and spaces also need to be sex-based.

Only a sociopathic or delusional male would invade our spaces and steal opportunities that were meant for women without remorse.

> "in some contexts only the gender matters (e.g. how I'd address them if they requested me to address them by their gender)"

How people speak and what people think and say is a matter of free speech. In America, the government cannot compel or prohibit speech, with specific exceptions (yelling "fire" in a theater, etc.) -- and neither can you.

If someone doesn't believe a male can be a woman, no one is required to pretend they think a male can be a woman. No one can be forced to believe in a religion they don't believe, such as the religion that a wrong-gendered spirit can get "trapped" in a wrong-meated body, but can be set free through ritualistic genital mutilation.

> "sometimes it depends on the individual (e.g. whether on is willing to date a trans woman),"

Dating preferences are not transphobic or homophobic. Either you believe in same-sex attraction, or you don't. Either you believe in opposite-sex attraction, or you don't.

It is homophobic and disgusting to say people can change their sexual orientation.

> "sometimes it's the disparity that matters (e.g. issues that are unique to trans-women)"

Transwomen are not women and they are not part of the conversation about women's sex-based rights, except insofar as how to prevent males from forcefully penetrating women's female-only spaces and activities.

I would happily fight alongside trans-identifying males if what they wanted were a safe place to pee or a sports league of their own. But that isn't what they want. They want to right to force women to accept discomfort, unfairness, humiliation, and danger in order to "affirm" male feelings and let male fetishists live out their fetishes in public.

> "Thirdly, if you oppose the above paradigm, and completely dismiss the idea of "gender", are you happy allowing transmen into those female safe spaces?"

Forced to choose between a male who dresses like a woman and a female who dresses like a man, I would choose the female 100% of the time.

Why?

Because if I am sexually assaulted, there is almost a 100% chance it is by a male, and almost a 0% chance it is by a female.

Males who put on dresses are not less likely to hurt women than males who wear pants. In fact, according to 2020 Ministry of Justice data, trans-identifying males are much more likely to be sex offenders than men.

(And your lot wants to house these convicted male rapists with female inmates, who are some of the most vulnerable women in the country. It's sickening.)

However, I don't think trans-id

Reply
Eva Glasrud link
9/7/2022 08:37:56 am

(cont)

However, I don't think trans-identifying males OR trans-identifying females belong in women's spaces. Males do not belong because they are male, and females do not belong because they look like men, and women are not magical, miracle mind readers who can magically tell by looking which men want to hurt us and which "just want to pee."

If trans people cared about women's rights, they would fight for single-user and open-gender spaces to use, since their bodies don't match their "feelings" so they really don't belong in a bathroom with men or women.

But they only care about oppressing women, so they fight for the right to violate, endanger, and humiliate us.

> " This makes sense especially if they've done hormone therapy to be more manly/stronger etc. If only biological sex mattered, then they'd belong into female only shelters, an absurd proposition."

See above.

> "you don't think trans-women are wonderful. I've seen your posts on Quora, and the derision and mockery you approach and talk about such people."

I don't think ANYONE is wonderful who gleefully strips away my rights. If you are a transwoman who keeps your male body out of female-only spaces and activities, I think you are wonderful!

If you are a transwoman who feels entitled to sexually violate women, you are a disgusting predator and you are not wonderful.

Any male who violates women's rights and bodily autonomy is not wonderful.

But I have no problem whatsoever with males who feel like women living their "authentic self" without violating the rights of women.

How cute that you would call me a coward, when I face threats of male violence every single day from entitled males who think they have a right to watch me take off my clothes and force me to look at their penis.




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