1 Reason Why the Graphic Rape Scene in 13 Reasons Why Was Important, And Teen and Preteen Girls Should See It.

I had no interest in watching a show about teen suicide. But after seeing so many articles praising the Netflix original, 13 Reasons Why, I decided to check it out. I mean, supposedly it was one of the best teen dramas of all time. 

The show was kind of boring and not that good. But it had its moments, and I was able to find some value in it. Including the controversial rape scene, which critics say was too graphic and emotional and explicit. 

I had the opposite reaction. This was exactly the rape scene that teen and preteen girls need to see.

Here's why. (Spoiler alert, obviously.)

There's a lot about the night Hannah was raped that doesn't make sense. For one, why would she ever go to a party at Bryce Walker's house, even though she had literally watched him rape her best friend?

But... she did. And she got into the hot tub with Jessica, Justin, and another couple. They talked. It was fun. But then the couples both left to hook up in Bryce's family's mansion. Hannah remained in the hot tub, alone. She stared at the stars, she closed her eyes, and she finally felt like everything was going to be okay. 

When she opened her eyes, creepy, rapey Bryce was leering at her across the hot tub. 

Here is the dialogue that happens prior to the graphic rape:

B: I can't believe Hannah Baker finally came to one of my parties. 
H: Well it looks like it's almost over.
B: No, not at all. This is the best time of night. The drunks are passed out, the posers are gone. Only the coll people are left.
H: And I qualify as cool people?
​B: Hell yeah, you do. Coolest chick in the junior class. And the hottest! 
Bryce advances toward Hannah, all creepy like.
H: I should go, my parents are probably super worried by now. 
Hannah moves to exit the hot tub, he gently grabs her arm and pulls her back.
B: You just got here.
Bryce grabs her bra strap, then her boob.
H: I'm sorry, I've got to go.
She tries to get out, quickly. Bryce roughly grabs her arm and yanks her back into the tub.
B: Don't go. We're just having fun.
H: Bryce!
Bryce grabs her by the back of the neck, forced her head down onto the ground outside of the hot tub. He kisses her shoulder. She breathes heavily, terrified, and throws an arm out of the tub to escape. He grabs her arm and yanks it towards her body, pinning it to her side. She cries.
H: Please, Bryce!
B: Just relax, just relax.
He pulls her underwear down and thursts. She screams in pain. 
B: We'll just go nice and easy. Yeah, that's good.
He continues thrusting. She cries, until her body loses tension, and she lies catatonically while he continues, her lifelessly body bounces forward with each thrust.

The camera focuses on her face for longer than is comfortable. It's hard to watch. It's not supposed to be easy. 

Because what happened to Hannah is very obviously rape.

So then, a week later, Hannah visits the school counselor, Mr. Porter. He asks her if she told "the boy" no or to stop... and Hannah said no. I didn't understand why she would say such a thing! She did!

I was so convinced that I went back to the previous episode and re-watched the rape scene, and I realized something:

It was so very obviously rape that I didn't notice that she never actually said no or told him to stop​. 

In spite of all the aggression, force and intimidation. In spite of her pleas and obvious attempts to escape. The fact that she "didn't tell him to stop" or "say no" mattered to Mr. Porter. 

And that is exactly why young girls should not be protected from this scene.

There should have been no doubt in Hannah's mind that she'd been raped. There was no consent or enthusiasm for this "encounter" whatsoever. And, sadly, that is how a lot of rapes look in real life. 

​And, sadly, Mr. Porter's response and assumptions about Hannah after she came forward are also a pretty accurate representation of how friends, family, and authorities respond to victims and survivors. Let's walk through the scene.

I'll start by saying, there's a lot about it that I thought was dumb and obnoxious. For example, we're supposed to feel sympathy for Hannah because Mr. Porter's phone rang. He didn't answer it, and he assured her that she had his full attention. I mean, I guess he could have ripped his landline out of the wall to prove his point. But, yeah. The phone thing was dumb. 

Another part that was dumb was how hard Hannah made him work to get any specific information whatsoever out of her. For example.

P: So, what's on your heart?
H: Just... everything, I guess.
​​
This scene is hard to watch partly because Hannah spends so much of it not saying anything. She's perfectly eloquent and vividly specific on her little tapes. But in her last "cry for help," she's unable to utter anything but one-word answers?

Though, to be fair, I get that it's hard to come forward about sexual assault. It's awkward, it's embarrassing, and it's deeply painful. So, fine. I can live with that.

One last thing that was dumb about this scene is how Hannah seems to think there is some connection between Alex Standall putting her name on a "best of/worst of" list... and Bryce Walker raping her.

I guess if you're about to slit your wrists, you're not thinking rationally. But still:

H: Last year, I was voted -- actually, well not voted. Someone made this stupid list. "Best of, worst of" thing. And people have been reacting to it since.
P: When was the last time?
H: A week ago, at a party.

​Um, no. Bryce raped you because Bryce is a serial rapist. Bryce raped you because, even though you witnessed him raping someone else, you didn't come forward, so instead of going to jail, he went back to school like nothing happened. Bryce raped you because last time he raped someone, his buddy knew about it, and did nothing to stop him.

This has nothing to do with a little list someone made a year ago that you're still obsessed with. But, like I said, suicidal people don't always make a lot of sense. And depressed people tend to ruminate, or compulsively think about negative events in their lives. So, okay. I can accept this logical fallacy. As long as the audience understands that these are the disorganized thoughts of a suicidal teenager, and not at all indicative of reality. 

But let's go back to the conversation between Porter and Hannah.

H: Last year, I was voted -- actually, well not voted. Someone made this stupid list. "Best of, worst of" thing. And people have been reacting to it since.
P: When was the last time?
H: A week ago, at a party.
P: What happened at the party? Did you have an... encounter?... at the party?
H: An encounter? Yeah, you could say that. 
P: Did... 
H: You don't want to talk about this, do you?
P: No, I do. Listen, Hannah, I'm not gonna judge you... But did anything happen that night that you regret?
H: Yes. 
P: Are you embarrassed by what happened?
H: Yes.
P: Maybe.. you made a decision --
H: No, I --
P: A decision to do something with a boy that now you regret?
H: Oh my God, no! That's.. that's just what you assume?
P: No, I just --
H: Look, I didn't make a decision.
P: Okay, sorry. Did anything happen at that party that might be considered illegal? Drinking?
H: Yes, but I wasn't drinking
P: Drugs?
H: Not that i know of.
P: Did he force himself on you?
H: I think so.
P: You think so, but you're not sure? Did you tell him to stop?
H: No.
P: Did you tell him no?
H: No.
P: Maybe you consented and you changed your mind.
H: No, it's not like that.
P: Should we involve your parents or the police?
H: No! 
P: Hannah, who's the boy? Who's the boy?
[Break in the scene, while Porter talks to Clay. Then:]
P: When a student is assaulted, I'm required to go to the police. But I need to know exactly what happened, and who did it.
H: If I tell you, will you promise me that he'll go to jail, and that I wont ever have to see his face again?
P: I can't promise you that, Hannah. But I promise you this: I will do everything in my power to keep you safe in this process. But I can't do that unless I know everything that happened. But I need a name. If you can't give me a name, if you don't want to press charges against this boy, if you're not even sure you can press charges, then there's only one options. 
H: What is it?
P: I'm not trying to be blunt here, Hannah, but you can move on.
H: You mean, do nothing.
P: Is he in your class?
H: He's a senior.
P: That means he'll be gone in a few months. 
H: Are you fucking kidding me?
[Break. Then:]
P: Look, something happened Hannah, and I believe you. But if you won't confront him, then the only other choice is to move on.
H: Yeah. That's just what i'm gonna have to do.
P: Okay. There's more to talk about, other resources --
H: No, I think we figured it out. I need to move on and get over it!
P: Hannah, I didn't say get over it. But sometimes that's the only other option. Hannah, you can sit down, you don't need to be in a hurry. 

The dialogue does a decently good job of highlighting some of the reasons victims don't come forward. 

1. "A decision to do something with a boy that now you regret?" The guidance counselor assumes that Hannah gave consent, and then was embarrassed about what happened. This is the same bullshit that far right conservatives are obsessed with. They assume that every girl gave consent, and then felt embarrassed later, so she decided to file a false rape claim. In reality, false rape claims are exceedingly rare. 

2. "Maybe you consented, but you changed your mind?" That's still rape, though. Just because someone gives consent at one point in time, doesn't mean the consent lasts forever and ever and the person can never withdraw their consent. 

3. "Did anything happen at that party that might be considered illegal? Drinking? Drugs?" The counselor also immediately begins asking about drinking and drugs, as if that somehow matters. Rape is rape, even if you were drinking. But the idea of coming forward and getting your friends -- who may have been drinking or doing drugs at the party -- in trouble can make some survivors afraid to come forward. 

4. "[He's a senior.] That means he'll be gone in a few months." I mean, the obvious lack of empathy and understanding here speaks for itself. A few more months of seeing your rapist in the halls every day is unacceptable. But this is exactly why so many schools have been found guilty of Title IX violations. Women and men don't have equal access to education when rapes go unpunished and rapists freely roam the halls.

5. "Did you tell him no? Did you tell him to stop?" Again, stupid and short-sighted questions. The audience knows this was obviously a rape. These shouldn't be the only two qualifiers.

6. "Did he force himself on you?... You think so, but you're not sure?" If she's not sure if she was raped, the school needs to fix its sex ed program. There should be a clear community standard for what constitutes rape, sexual harassment, and sexual assault. 

7. "Let's talk about what you might be doing to provoke them." Mr. Porter didn't say this to Hannah. He said it several episodes earlier, to a male student who had experienced sexual assault in the hallway. After completely dismissing Tyler's concerns about being "pantsed" ("The kids at my last school were worried about getting shot!"), he offered no support, no validation, no outrage or sympathy. He just victim blamed. If people are bullying/assaulting you, you must have done something to deserve it. So clearly, the way he treated Hannah was not a one-time mistake. 

Basically, this scene (and the Tyler scene) shows that people are going to be dicks about rape. They're going to try to make you question yourself. They're going to raise questions about alcohol, drugs, and what you were wearing. 

We can be appalled by this line of questioning only because we saw what happened. We know that what happened was undoubtedly rape. If they'd filmed it any other way, we couldn't watch the scene in Mr. Porter's office with the same revulsion. We couldn't walk away from it feeling more certain about what constitutes consent -- the absence of a "no" is not a yes.

And maybe Mr. Porter's bad example will show us how to be better listeners and supporters when our friends and loved ones come forward. 

I don't really recommend this show, because I don't think it's that good. But if you or your teenagers want to watch, I say go ahead. It's not terrible, and there are a few valuable lessons that are worth learning -- especially if you're young. 

Also, apparently the book is better. So check out 13 Reasons Why, by Jay Asher. It's $5 on Amazon.