Hello, today's teenagers. I know you don't remember this, but back when you were three months old, you likely began showing self-soothing behaviors — that is, you began learning how to calm down, relax and go to sleep again in your bed.

By the time you were six months old, your parents were actively encouraging you to self-soothe, as this is around the time you could make it through the night without needing to be fed. 

And I'll bet you were crushing it!

Image: @TheHappyTalent on Instagram

Last night, like every night before it these last few weeks, was one of the most glorious of my life. It was midnight, and I was walking through the woods, alone. The trees blocked most of the moonlight and starlight, but above and below and all around me, I was surrounded by fireflies. 

All at once, I felt secluded in nature, and like I was scuba diving, and like I was riding Space Mountain, and like I was on some kind of drug that just makes you love everything around more than you thought possible. 

Image: @TheHappyTalent on Instagram

This is just a quick public service announcement that, while karaoke and open mic and musical theater and bar jams are all on hold right now... there is endless fun to be had, right there in your home, for less than the price of a beer.

All you need to do is buy the music used -- you'll be paying $3-8 per book instead of $18+.

The last place I ever expected my writing to get shared... was incel forums. The Happy Talent is about taking accountability and making changes to self-improve. Incel forums are about whining like little boys and blaming women for all your flaws and shortcomings. 

In particular, these man-children complain that I say things like, "Here are actionable steps to not seem creepy," and, "No means no." 

Nevertheless, I have faith that at least some of these guys actually want to do better. Stop acting creepy. Find love. 

Which is why today's lesson is: if a girl you were hitting on was rude to you, it's probably your fault.

A recent article in The Harvard Crimson complained that scholarship recipients felt "uncomfortable" and "out of place" at an annual Scholarship Dinner, where students had the opportunity to network with billionaires and millionaires (many of whom were, themselves, scholarship recipients in their days at Harvard) while eating delicious food.

While traveling in Malaysia this year, I met the most amazing woman. Vivacious, brilliant, and adventurous, this girl and I kayaked several miles of open sea in search of fish species we'd never seen before. We lay on the beach all night, watching the stars and eating watermelon infused with duty-free vodka. We trekked the python- and cobra-filled jungle in search of the elusive Penis Plant. 

From: Candytopia on Facebook

A "critic" who writes for the New York Times was recently paid to attend several (five?) ​Instagramable  museums, factories and mansions. In her own words, "They nearly broke me."

And that made my heart break a little... for her.

I know it's only June... but I think I'm ready to hand out my mother of the year award. Kirstie Allsopp, this trophy's for you!

Earlier this week, Allsopp told the Sun newspaper that she and her partner sometimes sit in the business class cabin, while her children, 10 and 12, sit in economy.​

Of course, the rage machine that is social media immediately lurched into action... but rather than apologize for something she shouldn't be sorry for, she defended her personal parenting decisions.

Apparently, it's that time of year again. I know this not because I've seen Girl Scouts out and about, actively developing business, social, and communication skills... but because I've seen parents posting links on their Facebook accounts.

All I can say is, "DON'T DO IT."

"Eva, just admit it," a guy friend insisted recently. 'You're a flirt."

"What exactly do I do that makes you think that?"

He pondered for a moment, before sheepishly answering, "You smile... and make eye contact.​