In a perfect world, a girl could pass out completely naked on a fraternity floor and no one would touch her. 

However, we do not live in a perfect world. We live in a world where girls and women have always been told not to go anywhere alone; not to go outside at night; and to keep an eye on each other at parties.

But considering how rape accusations have the power to royally fuck up a boy's or man's life, why aren't we also telling them that they should look out for each other?

Hello, today's teenagers. I know you don't remember this, but back when you were three months old, you likely began showing self-soothing behaviors — that is, you began learning how to calm down, relax and go to sleep again in your bed.

By the time you were six months old, your parents were actively encouraging you to self-soothe, as this is around the time you could make it through the night without needing to be fed. 

And I'll bet you were crushing it!

Image: @TheHappyTalent on Instagram

Last night, like every night before it these last few weeks, was one of the most glorious of my life. It was midnight, and I was walking through the woods, alone. The trees blocked most of the moonlight and starlight, but above and below and all around me, I was surrounded by fireflies. 

All at once, I felt secluded in nature, and like I was scuba diving, and like I was riding Space Mountain, and like I was on some kind of drug that just makes you love everything around more than you thought possible. 

You know I have a thick skin -- I love making fun of virtue signaling, regressive feminism, whiny little babies, and social justice warriors. 

But I canNOT stand the disgusting rape song that is "Baby, It's Cold Outside." When it comes on, I literally wait outside until the song is over. 

A recent article in The Harvard Crimson complained that scholarship recipients felt "uncomfortable" and "out of place" at an annual Scholarship Dinner, where students had the opportunity to network with billionaires and millionaires (many of whom were, themselves, scholarship recipients in their days at Harvard) while eating delicious food.

"She only got in because she's an athlete."

"He only got in because he's black. I had a much higher SAT score, and I didn't get in."

"Of course she got in! She's Mexican, gay, and disabled. A triple-threat minority!"

​"Yeah, but he's a legacy student."

​Jealousy is ugly... and if you're someone who's been admitted to a prestigious prep school or university, chances are you've heard someone say something ugly about why you got in. 

They might be right. They might be wrong. They might just be spiteful. Regardless, who cares? You got in, and they didn't.

I hate stereotypes about women as much as anyone else... but here's one that's actually true:

Almost everyone who participates in teen travel tours, service trips, and summer abroad programs​... is a girl.

Yesterday, I wrote about how there's a difference between helping a depressed friend and enabling an abuser. My intention was to inform those whose friends suffer from mental illness to be compassionate... but remember to think critically about your actions and the effects they may have on your friend and his/her partner. 

Today, I'm writing a quick reminder to those who are, or may be, affected by mental illness:

Your partner is not your emotional slave.

The difference is consent.

It's Christmas -- so let the "annual debate" about Baby, It's Cold Outside commence. 

I mean, if I can skate to a party in a dress and heels at an age I'm not willing to admit, can't your kids propel their own skateboards?