Meanwhile, some vehement feminists are offended when a man tries to pick up the tab, while other women take it as a sign that it "wasn't a date" -- they must have just gone as friends. According to a recent survey by Janet Lever, a sociology professor at California State University, Los Angeles, 10% of heterosexual daters believe the man should pay for everything. Another 10% want to split everything 50/50, starting with the first date. Over 75% of men report that they feel guilty accepting women's money.
My recent post about sexism and the holidays somehow triggered a conversation about dating, and I figured it was time to let the world know:
There is a definite science to figuring out who "should" pay for the date. All you have to do is answer the following questions:
1) Did you initiate the date? Yes/No
If you answered Yes, that means that you should pay for the date, unless:
2) Did you explicitly state before the date how much the date would cost? Yes/No
Here's why this is the rule: I shouldn't have to check my bank account before accepting a date with you.
Say you ask me out to dinner. I say yes. You pick me up and take me to some super fancy restaurant. It's scientifically proven that money is one of the most awkward things to talk about. I've just met you -- and now I have to tell you, "You know, I actually don't make enough money to eat here."
"You know, I'm still paying off student loans, so I can't afford to eat someplace like this."
"I think I'm just going to have the... side of vegetables. And a glass of tap water."
Whereas. If you invite me to a concert, and I say yes, and then you say, "Cool! The tickets are $35 -- I'll send you a link to the EventBrite page!"... I now know exactly how much this date is going to cost. And I know that, although you initiated, you expect me to pay for my own ticket. That way, if it turns out that $35 is out of my budget, I have from now until the day of the concert to suggest something else -- a hike in the foothills, surfing, pickup basketball, or another activity that is more budget-appropriate.
That's true. Men do tend to initiate more dates. That's because, in our culture, men woo women. Be a man and deal with it. Because you know what else isn't fair?
The wage gap.
Sexual assault on college campuses.
It sucks, but women deal with it, and/or they look for solutions. So... if you're really upset that women don't ask you out on enough dates, do something about it! Take up the feminist cause! Help blaze the way for equality! That's what you want, right?
Or, at the very least, grow the f@#% up and stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you don't have (or are too stingy to spend) $9 to buy her a burrito on a date that you initiated... maybe you should focus on developing yourself before you suck another person into your personal drama.
Besides, I've initiated plenty of dates in my time. Not nearly as many as I've accepted. But still, some. And, as I wrote in I Judge Guys Who Ask Me Out For Coffee, the dates I initiate are some of the cheapest, most outrageously fun dates ever.
Want to know more? Check out These Specific Behaviors Will Make You More Charismatic, Starting RIGHT NOW, Why a Terrifying First Date is Better Than a "Nice" One, and How to Know Exactly When (and When NOT) to Kiss a Girl.