Happiness can always be found at Elsewhere. Image: The Happy Talent

I'm NOT "wandering" or "finding myself." I'm on a MISSION. Image: The Happy Talent.

I'm shocked I even have to say this — but it appears I must. 

I received a highly offensive reminder from Kaiser Permanente recently: "People with a cervix should receive a screening for cervical cancer every three years."

Setting aside the fact that I am not comfortable receiving care from a medical team that thinks "woman" is a dirty word and would prefer to refer to me as body parts and vaginal discharges, this reminder made me angry because exclusive, woman-erasing language like this literally kills women, harming the most marginalized women the most. 

"Everyone knows you have to wait at LEAST two weeks before you tell someone you love them!" I declared to an audience a few weeks ago at the Apalachicola Ice Company. 

"Two weeks!?" someone contested. 

"At LEAST two weeks -- but not more than three!"

It was kind of a joke... but kind of serious. 

When you're a woman, men perceive everything you do as "flirting."

Smiling politely instead of scowling = flirting.
Making eye contact instead of staring at his shoes = flirting.
Nervously playing with your hair because this dude is standing way too close = flirting.  

It's ALWAYS better not to be with the wrong person.

I'm not too much. You're too little. 

Friends! Because we aren't actually friends.

If I'm in front of you, it's because I got here first — and I'm not going to prioritize your enjoyment over mine. Image: @TheHappyTalent