I studied psychology. When people learn this, they often ask, "Oh! Are you analyzing me right now?"
The answer is yes. Absolutely. And here's my analysis of you:
Cyber bullies are mean -- especially to women, but also to men. Which is why so many public figures, from Lindy West to Ed Sheeran, have "quit social media" and "left Twitter."
But bullies can also be a blogger's greatest ally! My email list basically doubled this week because a few damaged people decided to call me names on our high school alumni page.
That's the silly thing that bullies don't realize. By "hating" on me... they're kind of giving me exactly what I want. (Kind of like how protestors of conservative speakers take what would have been a one-time audience of 50-100 students, and turn it into an international sensation
So I had another Pretty Little Liars dream last night.
After an entire adolescence of having my every move watched by a mysterious hooded figure, I was on the cusp of unmasking A. And I wasn't going to do anything idiotic, like hide in a dark shed, alone, unarmed and in heels, to confront my omniscient stalker.
Then all my friends turned up dead.
I recently found myself sitting by a river in Idaho with no agenda or technology - for a whole day! So I read Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie.
Love is pretty much the greatest thing ever. People who don't understand evolution think sex is the most important thing ever -- but without love, our species wouldn't exist. It doesn't matter how many women you can knock up if no one loves or cares for anyone and all the babies die.
As such, we evolved to be acutely sensitive to loneliness (and other negative emotions, like jealousy). And we evolved to love love.
I love my friends. That's why I'm mean to them.
"Hey, man. There's this really cool Exeter party on Friday. I'd totally invite you... but, honestly, you're kind of a clinger, and I don't want to have to babysit you."
Being driven by a desire to win means that when you achieve your goal, you’ll feel joy. Being driven by a fear of failure means when you succeed, you’ll feel relief.
Whether training for your high school swim team or trying to make it to the pros, you've probably experienced a plateau. All athletes do! There are tons of physical reasons -- and one very mental reason -- why this happens.
You're entitled to your own opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts. Which is why I'm taking the time to point out some of the reasons that words are not violence -- and that there is truth to the old rhyme, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me."
"It is a happy talent to know how to play," Ralph Waldo Emerson once said.
He was exactly right. According to my master's research, playfulness isn't a trait -- it's a skill. But due to the ubiquity of technology (read: passive entertainment) and high-achieving childhoods, many young adults have yet to develop their leisure skills.
The fact that they're making less money and are more likely to have debt than ever doesn't help.
"It is a happy talent to know how to play," Ralph Waldo Emerson once said. And, unlike many well-known adages that were later proven wrong ("money can't buy happiness"; "don't compare yourself to others"; "don't praise your daughter's looks"), Emerson was exactly right.
Playfulness is a skill -- not a trait. Yet, because of changes in parenting styles and culture, many children no longer learn how to play.
In fact, thanks to helicopter parenting, children are no longer learning a lot of things.
About the Author
Eva is a content specialist with a passion for play, travel... and a little bit of girl power. Read more >
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