The Happy Talent
  • Blog
  • About
  • Popular
  • Education
  • Social Science
  • Travel
  • Products
  • Contact
"It is a happy talent to know how to play."

'Unwanted Advances: Sexual Paranoia Comes To Campus' Was The Most Prescient Book of 2017 (And It's Equally Relevant Today)

2/12/2018

7 Comments

 
Picture
Before #MeToo. Before DeVos and the Education Department formally rescinded Obama-era guidance on how colleges handle sexual assaults. Before trump's oddly hypocritical tweet about due process...

There was Laura Kipnis and her amazing 2017 book, Unwanted Advances: Sexual Paranoia Comes to Campus.

​It started in 2015, when Kipnis, a Northwestern professor, penned an essay in 
The Chronicle of Higher Education ​-- and was subsequently slammed with two Title IX complaints. The essay, Sexual Paranoia Strikes Academe, discussed a new rule at Northwestern regarding professors dating students and graduate students.

I didn't agree with all of it -- her attitude about hooking up with professors "back in the day" was pretty cavalier. It should be a big deal. Precautions should​ be taken. There are power dynamics that must be taken into serious consideration.

​But she asked, quite reasonably, at what point an adult is able to give consent.
No doubt some 21-year-olds are fragile and emotionally immature (helicopter parenting probably plays a role), but is this now to be our normative conception of personhood? A 21-year-old incapable of consent?

​
Moreover, she is absolutely not ​soft on harassment and assault. As she wrote in her original essay:
​For the record, I strongly believe that bona fide harassers should be chemically castrated, stripped of their property, and hung up by their thumbs in the nearest public square. Let no one think I’m soft on harassment. But I also believe that the myths and fantasies about power perpetuated in these new codes are leaving our students disabled when it comes to the ordinary interpersonal tangles and erotic confusions that pretty much everyone has to deal with at some point in life, because that’s simply part of the human condition.

​

​It was a wonderful and challenging read. How could I agree so strongly with some parts ("these new codes are leaving our students disabled"), and disagree so strongly on others?

But not everyone shared my opinion, as evidenced by the Title IX complaints against her -- again, not for assaulting or harassing anyone, but for writing an essay. She reflects in Unwanted Advances: Sexual Paranoia Comes to Campus:
I suppose I knew the essay would be controversial -- the whole point of writing it was to say things I believed were true (and suspected a lot of other people thought were true), but weren't being said for fear of repercussions. Still, I'd been writing as a feminist...

In retrospect, maybe it was shortsighted, but I hadn't actually thought about students reading the essay when I wrote it -- who knew students read The Chronicle of Higher Education? I'd thought I was writing for other professors and administrators. Despite the petition, I assumed academic freedom would prevail. (p.3)

​

The next several chapters go on to describe not only Kipnis' own experience with the mysterious, shady, subjective, unfair and unscientific "process" that is a Title IX investigation (including information about the enormous costs of each investigation -- no wonder tuition is skyrocketing!)... but also that of Peter Ludlow, a former Northwestern professor of philosophy.

Ludlow faced two investigations: the first by an undergraduate student (whom he was no longer teaching) who invited him to an art gallery, then later claimed he "forced her to drink" about 2-3 drinks, until she was blackout drunk, and then groped her; the second by a graduate student (not his graduate student) whom he dated for several months, and with whom he'd exchanged thousands of text messages. She claimed that the relationship wasn't consensual...

But, Kipnis asks, how does a professor force a student to drink? How does a professor force a 25-year-old woman to enter into a 3-month relationship with him, attend concerts with him, and message him multiple times per day, every day?

What, she asks, is the deal with the feminist obsession with "power"?

(In probably the sharpest and funniest way possible, it's worth adding.)

She also gives several other examples of students and professors who had similar experiences at the hands of Title IX officials. And one thing she reiterates, time and again, is that sex is messy.
Let's face it: sex, even under optimal circumstances, requires a certain amount of psychological resiliency. Being naked, exposed, physically handled by another human can be destabilizing and not always pleasant, especially when the other person is drunk, clumsy, and/or a complete stranger...

​Women want to have sexual adventures and make mistakes, but there's a growing tendency, at the moment, to offload the responsibility, to make other people pay for those mistakes--namely, guys. Women don't drink; men get them drunk. Women don't have sex; sex is done to them. (pp.204-205)



Don't get me wrong -- I hate the "regret isn't rape" argument. There's always some comment about how the woman/survivor/accuser/victim (call them what you will) willfully consented to something, then cried rape when she regretted it.

​This is a dumb and limiting view of what's happening. A better characterization might be the girl from Cat Person or the Aziz Ansari girl. Something is, indeed, happening to a girl, but she feels paralyzed and voiceless and unable to stop it.

But is it really fair to prosecute a guy for not noticing your subtle, nonverbal cues? Is it really fair to say that Louis C.K. is a sexual predator for showing women his penis after asking for their consent?

Where is all this paralyzing fear coming from?

​Laura Kipnis blames third-wave feminism.
I can think of no better way to subjugate women than to convince us that assault is around every corner. (p.12)
​
​
What a lot of retrogressive assumptions about gender are being promulgated under the guise of combating sexual assault! Not only was the woman's agency erased, note the unarticulated premise of the finding: women students aren't men's equals in emotional strength or self-possession, and require teams of campus administrators to step in and remedy the gap. Another unarticulated premise: sex is injurious [to women]. (pp. 16-17)

​
There were already codes on the books prohibiting nonconsensual sexual relations or contact, so why prohibit consensual activity? It struck me as antifeminist, yet another puncture to female autonomy. (p.20)

​
The current approaches to combating sexual aggression end up, perversely, reifying male power. It becomes something fearsome and insurmountable, when it's often pathetic and mockable. Look, I too was raised female in this culture and am on intimate terms with passivity and internalized helplessness. I've had the usual range of female experiences and sexual assaults, which is why I feel pretty strongly that someone has to call out the codes of self-martyring femininity... not to mention the covert veneration of feminist passivity enshrined in our campus policies and initiatives. (p. 214)



It's almost like Kipnis knew Cat Person would go viral. It's like she saw the #MeToo movement coming. Her book came out in early 2017, and, as mentioned previously, due process is being restored on college campuses...

But when we look around at the problems with rape culture, sexual harassment, and sexual assault that are still being discussed today, it seems like  Unwanted Advances is as relevant than ever. 

Is there a solution?

Yes. There are many. Kipnis discusses a few in her book, including: 
What would happen if we stopped commiserating with one another about how horrible men are and teach students how to say, "Get your fucking hand off my knee?" Yes, there's an excess of masculine power in the world, and women have to be educated to contest it in real time, instead of waiting around for men to reach some new stage of heightened consciousness--just in case that day never comes. (p.214)

​
In my fantasy Clery Act (which mandates "Interpersonal Violence Prevention and Education" courses for all incoming students), all institutions of higher education would be required how to teach freshmen women self-defense: how to yell, "No!" and how to physically fight off an attacker...

Teaching affirmative consent is great--sure, keep it going until it works. Yes, harassment and assault are structural problems; yes, society has to change. But individuals can change structures, too. If schools are serious about reducing unwanted sex, then get realistic about education. Nobody thinks self-defense training will be effective in every case. But it would change the outcome in plenty of cases, and we're doing women no favors by not training them in how to deal with the range of situations they're likely to face. (p. 216)

​
As someone who is all about sexual agency -- but also affirmative consent and also empowering women (I don't even like it when people ask women, "Are you okay?"), I agree with (much of) this message.

Which is why I think  Unwanted Advances: Sexual Paranoia Comes to Campus is an important read.
7 Comments
Voracious Reader
2/14/2018 11:29:22 am

I'm pretty sure Laura Kipnis could make a book about any topic entertaining and funny.

Reply
Liz
2/14/2018 01:38:08 pm

I'll give this book a try, but I also find it hard to take people seriously when they claim the answer is "just say no!" If it were that easy and consequence-free, women would be doing it, but women around the world are killed for saying no all. the. time. It doesn't matter if a particular incident has zero risk of male violence because women everywhere are aware that other women have been killed or seriously harmed in seemingly innocent, low-stakes, "I don't even know that guy" situations. I have yet to see critics of the #metoo movement address that problem in a substantial way. That being said, if there were a better way to publicly humiliate creeps (i.e. a way to make the cost of aggressively hitting on women higher), I would be all for it. I'm just not sure how women should make a scene without putting themselves at greater risk for violence. As a class, men are dangerous and never more so than when they're humiliated.

Reply
Liz
2/14/2018 01:41:41 pm

Actually, I'll caveat that by saying that I think there is more room for self-agency and efficacy in situations where women do not feel afraid (either for their safety or for losing professional opportunities). Your old "the orgasm gap is real" article hits on that point really well. The problem is that women ARE afraid too much of the time and it's hard to know when it's "paranoid" or not.

Reply
Eva Glasrud link
2/14/2018 05:08:16 pm

I definitely agree that "just say no" is the worst idea ever. Most situations are a LOT more complicated than that. As I wrote in a previous post, we don't even "just say no" when someone invites us to a house party last-minute. We say, "Oh! I wish I could, but I promised my friend I'd get dinner with her, so...."

So why would "just say no" work in a situation where your boss is hitting on you? Or where an important and trusted friend doesn't seem to be getting the hint that you don't want to kiss him? To me, it's BECAUSE these situations are so complicated that I think it's worth exploring and teaching ways to say no that leave no room for ambiguity. (And, yes -- even that won't always work. But at least if/when you decide to come forward, the story is a lot more straightforward. Like, "Here are the screenshots of me repeatedly telling him I didn't want to date him and I wanted to keep our relationship professional.")

I also agree it's psychotic what some men will do when they feel rejected or humiliated. I am all for #MeToo (though more in the Harvey Weinstein sense than the Aziz Ansari sense), and I don't know of a way to stop reactionary, predatory behavior.

In Unwanted Advances, Kipnis describes two schools of thought: protectionism, and preventionism. The former focuses on teaching women how to avoid and escape from bad situations, though is sometimes labeled as "victim blaming" by preventionists. Preventionists focus on educating men not to rape, not to stalk and harass, etc. To me, it's obvious that both are important -- but the two schools of thought (allegedly) have a somewhat adversarial relationship.

Reply
Liz
2/16/2018 08:41:02 am

Completely agree, especially the part about the adversarial relationship between protectionism and preventionism. I'll give the book a try!

MckinneyVia link
5/24/2022 07:14:44 pm

I very much appreciate it. Thank you for this excellent article. Keep posting!

Reply
Charlene
4/18/2025 07:45:59 am

LOVE SPELL TESTIMONY

Thank you so much DOCTOR ODUNGA for making my ex boyfriend come back to me. I am writing this wonderful testimony in respect of this man. He made all my wishes come true. My boyfriend and I dated for more than 3 years and although we had had so many quarrels we never thought of a break up. One day, he called me over the phone telling me how he is tired of the relationship and cannot see anywhere that we are heading to. Months passed and my boyfriend did not contact me anymore and I did not hear from him anymore and his cell phone was disconnected. I knew I needed to seek help because of the love I have for him. I contacted this great spell caster because i have never contacted anyone before and i tell you that after a week of contact, my ex boyfriend called me and asked to see me and the next morning, he wore a ring on my finger. I am very happy because I am soon going to be a married girl with the help of this great spell caster. I promised to manifest your works to everyone and please contact this man to help you

Email: [email protected] OR contact him on WhatsApp +2348167159012.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    About the Author
    Picture
    Eva is a content specialist with a passion for play, travel... and a little bit of girl power.  Read more >


    Want to support The Happy Talent? CLICK HERE!
    Support the Happy Talent
    Or Find me on Patreon!
    Picture

    What's Popular on The Happy Talent:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

      Want more?

    Submit

    Trending in Dating and Relationships:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture



    ​What's Popular in Science:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture


    Playfulness and Leisure Skills:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Popular in Psychology and Social Skills:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Categories

    All
    20s
    Adolescence
    Backpacking
    Boredom
    Boredom Avoidance
    Camping
    Career Advice
    Careers
    Communication
    Confidence
    Consent
    Creativity
    Curiosity
    Dating
    Economy
    Education
    Entrepreneurship
    Fearlessness
    Female Travel
    Feminism
    Free Speech
    Gap Year
    Great Products
    Growth Mindset
    Health
    Hiking
    Hitchhiking
    Life Advice
    Meeting New People
    Mental Health
    Mexico
    Mindfulness
    Most Popular
    National Parks
    Outdoors
    Parenting
    Parenting Advice
    Passive Entertainment
    Play
    Playfulness
    Psychology
    Relationships
    Resilience
    Science
    Scuba Diving
    Self Help
    Self-help
    Sex
    Sports
    Stanford University
    Startups
    Study Abroad
    Summer
    Technology
    Teenagers
    Therapy
    Travel
    Yosemite

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
Photos from paweesit, Steven Penton, torbakhopper, Theo Crazzolara, edenpictures, Kiwi Tom, Wrangell-St. Elias National Park, Homedust, wocintechchat.com, Ralphman, wbaiv, kg.abhi, Jamiecat *, UnitedWarVeterans, D()MENICK, True Portraits, Neville Wootton Photography, Salvation Army USA West, South African Tourism, phalinn, WilliamsProjects, j_bary, Japanexperterna.se, thephotographymuse, Elvert Barnes, ThoroughlyReviewed, hairy:jacques, joncutrer, wuestenigel, Franck_Michel, jimwerner25, Imahinasyon Photography, joanne clifford, m01229, Antonio Campoy Ederra, Our Dream Photography (Personal), shixart1985, davidstewartgets, couples in nature, Dage - Looking For Europe, jonseidman, andymw91, garryknight, wuestenigel, Rosmarie Voegtli, werner.philipps, Gage Skidmore, Novafly, dinuxm1, Eddie Yip, Prayitno / Thank you for (10 millions +) views, DMahendra, James_Seattle, jamkablam, vanitystudiosphotography, verchmarco (CC BY 2.0), Luiz Gustavo Leme, oki_jappo, Daquella manera, CasparGirl, Mary Anne Morgan, inkknife_2000 (10.5 million + views), homethods, wocintechchat, Hypnotica Studios Infinite, dailyrectangle, Tobyotter, torbakhopper, Kevin Johnston, David Robb, eisenberg_emily, True Portraits, Douglas Pimentel, pmarkham, Noize Photography, rawdonfox, dollen, davidstewartgets, ed and eddie, Ryosuke Yagi, Anthony_Greene, Ruth and Dave, best couples, Jenn Durfey, Cost3l, Orin Zebest, anjanettew, dollen, Editor B, Alexander Day, LyndaSanchez, polosopuestosblog, UpSticksNGo, Agência Brasil, homethods, Find Rehab Centers, Novafly, Deornelas4, buzzern, seefit, C. VanHook (vanhookc), University of Delaware Alumni Relations, Franck_Michel, gordontarpley, Chris Photography(王權), usadifranci, virgohobbs, TheUglySweaterShop, popofatticus, wuestenigel (CC BY 2.0), Mitya Ku, Stefano Montagner - The life around me, Official U.S. Navy Imagery, xxxology, Valentina (GaiaPhotography), True Portraits, Lars Plougmann, Scioto Photos, Carlos ZGZ, quinn.anya, anokarina, amtecstaffing, mliu92, sfbaywalk, MakaiylaW, jerseytom55, Ray in Manila, BoldContent, stevenbates, Janitors, True Portraits, dwhartwig, Kuruman, sffoghorn, liveoncelivewild, mripp, Magdalena Roeseler, Tambako the Jaguar, Barbro Andersen, cbcmemberphotos2477, dejankrsmanovic, weeklydig, Free For Commercial Use (FFC), Sharon C Johnson, Phuketian.S, WeTravel.com, Gunn Shots (On and off these days), valentin hintikka, homethods, JasonParis, kennethkonica, Gregg Vandenberghe, Alyssa L. Miller, theblacknemesis, jdlasica, verchmarco, lizbennington, Artem Beliaikin, best couples, Tony Webster, Infomastern, www.audio-luci-store.it, Our Dream Photography (Personal), LandBetweentheLakesKYTN, KRWonders, donnierayjones, tristendomusic, [email protected], ::ErWin, cnu_sports, gagilas, euthman, ierdnall, jeffreyw, liveoncelivewild, melan.cholerikerin, Artur Malinowski, blachswan, szwerink, wuestenigel, Foodista, toptenalternatives, Cubmundo, Kirt Edblom, Glenn Loos-Austin, wuestenigel, eleonoralbasi, wuestenigel, LyndaSanchez, gagilas, torbakhopper, Gage Skidmore, irio.jyske, LyndaSanchez, Theo Crazzolara, garryknight, kennethkonica, rentalrealities
  • Blog
  • About
  • Popular
  • Education
  • Social Science
  • Travel
  • Products
  • Contact