Hello, today's teenagers. I know you don't remember this, but back when you were three months old, you likely began showing self-soothing behaviors — that is, you began learning how to calm down, relax and go to sleep again in your bed.

By the time you were six months old, your parents were actively encouraging you to self-soothe, as this is around the time you could make it through the night without needing to be fed. 

And I'll bet you were crushing it!

The Curmudgeon's Quests, by Allan Wooley​

When I found out Mr. Parris died, I sat on my porch and wept — the mailman didn't know what to do when he saw me there, blocking the mailbox. 

What a heartbreaking loss for the whole world. 

Last week, I found out that yet another teacher who shaped my high school experience had died. Though sad, I took comfort in learning that he'd published three books in his retirement. 

I'm only on page 20 of Crumbs Cast Upon the Current: Some Stories, Poems, and Essays... but I already wish that all of my teachers would write a memoir before it's too late. 

A recent article in The Harvard Crimson complained that scholarship recipients felt "uncomfortable" and "out of place" at an annual Scholarship Dinner, where students had the opportunity to network with billionaires and millionaires (many of whom were, themselves, scholarship recipients in their days at Harvard) while eating delicious food.

"She only got in because she's an athlete."

"He only got in because he's black. I had a much higher SAT score, and I didn't get in."

"Of course she got in! She's Mexican, gay, and disabled. A triple-threat minority!"

​"Yeah, but he's a legacy student."

​Jealousy is ugly... and if you're someone who's been admitted to a prestigious prep school or university, chances are you've heard someone say something ugly about why you got in. 

They might be right. They might be wrong. They might just be spiteful. Regardless, who cares? You got in, and they didn't.

Sometimes, something is said -- and without validation, it just becomes widely accepted as fact. For example, variations of, "Money can't buy happiness." Or, "Beyond [arbitrary number of dollars], money doesn't increase happiness." Or, for the truly wedged, "Kids who live on dirt floors and have nothing are just so happy.​" (If you really think that, you are wrong, and seriously need to check your privilege.)

I know it's only June... but I think I'm ready to hand out my mother of the year award. Kirstie Allsopp, this trophy's for you!

Earlier this week, Allsopp told the Sun newspaper that she and her partner sometimes sit in the business class cabin, while her children, 10 and 12, sit in economy.​

Of course, the rage machine that is social media immediately lurched into action... but rather than apologize for something she shouldn't be sorry for, she defended her personal parenting decisions.

Apparently, it's that time of year again. I know this not because I've seen Girl Scouts out and about, actively developing business, social, and communication skills... but because I've seen parents posting links on their Facebook accounts.

All I can say is, "DON'T DO IT."

Mounting evidence shows that over-supervising and over-scheduling your child stunts their emotional and cognitive development. But now we know it stunts their physical development, too.

It was simple, really.

With the exception of one small (err, actually kind of major) thing (see also: Phillips Exeter Faculty Lie to Sexual Assault Victim, Tell Her She Wasn't Assaulted), I totally love my high school. I mean, come on! Our classes took place around a Harkness table -- we constantly debated, discussed, and learned from each other. It was a totally epic learning experience.

But that didn't stop one of the most ridiculous Facebook conversations ever from happening on the alumni page this week.