Phillips Exeter Faculty Lie to Sexual Assault Victim, Tell Her She Wasn't Sexually Assaulted

In the years since I attended Phillips Exeter Academy, I have never uttered a bad word about the school. I probably tell at least one person a week (conservative estimate) what a magical place it is. I've written on both Slate and my own blog about how much I love Exeter.

But the time has come to do something I've never done before. I have bad words -- very bad words -- to say about my beloved alma mater.

To everyone who was involved in Michaella Henry's sexual assault case:

You are a fucking liar.

Don't try to tell me that you somehow didn't know what the definition of "sexual assault" is. I know you know. You intelligent people -- heck, you teach at one of the best secondary schools in the whole world. So that rules out stupidity.

Moreover, you are also mandatory reporters. You have been trained in this. You know exactly what sexual assault means. 

Anyone who told Henry that she was not sexually assaulted, but instead sexually harassed, is a liar. 

For those who are just tuning in, Exeter student Michaella Henry was lured into the church basement by student athlete Chukwudi “Chudi” Ikpeazu -- I suppose this is the part where the media is supposed to list his amazing athletic accomplishments and tell you what a bright future he had ahead of him before some girl came and ruined it.

Once there, Chudi sexually assaulted Henry, even though she said no.

There was no penetration -- hence multiple faculty telling her multiple times that she was not sexually assaulted. 

This isn't to say that action wasn't taken. It was. The school reverend set up a meeting between the two, where it was decided that Chudi would pay "penance" by making Henry monkey bread every week. 

Meaning that a sexual assault victim now had her assailant coming over to her room -- the place where she sleeps -- every week to bring her some stupid loaf of bread. Which was extremely stressful.

Here are some tidbits from the Boston Globe article on this:

​Cosgrove tried to reassure the students: “The good news is you don’t have to report this to the police because there was no penetration."​

“I thought you would be amused to learn that Michaella extracted an act of penance from Chudi,” Thompson wrote in a Dec. 18 e-mail to Michaella’s trusted mentor who had been present for part of the meeting in the church. “Young Mr. Ikpeazu agreed to the penance without much resistance.”

Twice, Michaella asked for transportation to visit outside counselors at Haven, a group that specializes in helping victims of sexual assault or abuse. But the school never arranged the rides.

Cosgrove acknowledged to Michaella the schoul could have done better but he said he also had to think about Chudi.

[Dean Cosgrove] insisted that what had happened in the church basement was sexual harassment, not sexual assault.

[Dean of multicultural affairs Rosanna Salcedo] said it was irrational for the senior to feel she was unsafe on campus, Michaella recalled. And Michaella needed to stop telling people she had been assaulted because it hadn’t been confirmed.

“What are you talking about?” Michaella interrupted. Chudi had admitted it in front of two faculty members in December, she said. Salcedo responded that Michaella could not determine on her own if an assault took place.

“Why can’t I ask the police if what happened to me was assault?” Michaella asked. Salcedo insisted it would only make the situation more complicated, Michaella recalled.

Perhaps the most damning excerpt of all is this one:
​

The dean of students, in her e-mail months later to Michaella’s mother, said the school “determined that his actions with Michaella and the other female student constituted sexual harassment according to our school’s policy . . . Dean Cosgrove and I took decisive action in response to Chudi’s behaviors within the guidelines of our school’s policies.”

Perhaps, I thought after reading that, Exeter has some backwards definition of sexual assault vs. sexual harassment that would explain all this. 

So I pulled up the 2015-2016 EBook, which outlines school rules and policies. Here's what is says about sexual assault:

Sexual assault is non-consensual sexual contact and/or penetration by physical force, threat of bodily harm, or when the victim is incapable of giving consent by virtue of a power difference, mental illness, mental disabilities, intoxication or being under the age of consent (NH RSA 632-A:2-4). 

Yeah, so, um... It look like there is no technicality on which Cosgrove and Mischke can get off. It says quite clearly that penetration is not a criterion for sexual assault to be called sexual assault. 

IN FACT. The EBook says quite clearly:

New Hampshire law mandates that employees of the Academy to report sexual assault to local law enforcement and/or New Hampshire child services. As sexual assault, or rape, is a crime, once a report is made, the appropriate law enforcement or child protective services agency may launch a criminal investigation. Students who are 18 years or older can choose whether or not to make a report of a crime to the authorities or participate in a police investigation, even though the Academy is mandated to make such reports. 

​Michaella was revictimized by faculty at Phillips Exeter Academy. And, according to the EBook, many people seem to have broken the law in an effort to protect a sexual predator.

It breaks my heart that people I know and trust(ed) would so blatantly lie to a sexual assault victim. It breaks my heart that every time I've ever heard of an ugly cover-up of a sexual assault, I've reassured myself by saying, "That would never happen at Exeter."

I've written on this blog many times that women are not typically raped by strangers at night while walking down a dark alley. 

They're raped by people they know and trust.

I guess the same is true, on a metaphorical level, of the institutions you know, love and trust. 

***

Now, for anyone who's having trouble understanding this story, I have some reading for you. 

The first is "You Assaulted Me - Now Can You Please Call Me Back?" A Sad But Honest Look Into the Mind of an Assault Victim. It might help you understand Michaella's response to the assault (namely, agreeing to the monkey bread arrangement thinking that might help "rebuild the friendship").

Basically, when someone you trust does something so disgusting and dehumanizing to you, there is a lot of denial... accompanied by a strong desire to feel like it was a mistake, a misunderstanding. That the person who assaulted you doesn't think so little of your humanity that he would intentionally dehumanize you in such a way.

The next is I Pressed Criminal Charges, Even Though He "Only" Touched My Face, Neck, Back, Arms and Legs. It's a great story about how penetration doesn't matter. The law is very clear about what sexual assault means. Any kind of unwanted touching of a sexual nature is sexual assault. But, of course, Cosgrove, Mischke et al. already knew that.

No always means no. It's also encouraging to see a police department and district attorney who take sexual assault as seriously as it ought to be taken -- even if they only reason they did so was because they had a confession and witnesses. (You should also read the comments -- for once, they're hilarious and supportive, rather than hateful and disgusting.)

That said, I understand that we don't have a full report on this story yet (due, at least in part, to the fact that the mandatory reporters in this story broke the law). Maybe some details have been taken out of context (something we'd know more about if those involved in the coverup would have replied to the Globe's request for comment). But. It is pretty clear that Michaella was told repeatedly that she was not assaulted, when the faculty knew full well that she was.  

​This is an inexcusable betrayal, and yet another example of schools protecting sexual predators instead of victims.

​There truly are no words.