To all the hundreds of men who say "women will never be attracted to me" - Here's what you're doing wrong.

10/16/2022

As anyone who follows my blog or Facebook knows, the two posts that consistently get the most views per month are

What Men Don't Understand When They Complain, "It's Only Creepy If The Guy Isn't Hot

and

"Creepy" Isn't About Attractiveness. It's About Reciprocity.

Due to these posts, I get a handful of private notes and comments thanking me for my encouragement and advice (some formerly creepy guys even have girlfriends now!)... and dozens of butthurt, defensive incels who are mad that I'd give them some basic advice about how to not come across as creepy.

After receiving maybe the 100th comment from a man who claims he's determined that no woman will ever find him attractive, so he's just going to give up, I decided to make a post out of the reply I have to keep typing.

Here's my reply:

Doug, there are 4 billion women on this planet. Surely there are at least a handful who would love you.

The developmental feedback I can give you is limited, because I don't actually know you. But here is what I know:

Women love confidence. It's not about cockiness and arrogance and dickheadedness (see also: Girls Don't Like Guys BECAUSE They're Jerks. They Like Them DESPITE Being Jerks).

It's about autonomy and agency. From an evolutionary perspective, confidence mens that you know you can shape and influence the world around you, whether to protect a pregnant partner or keep her fed and nourished while she is breastfeeding her baby or figure out a way to keep your family alive during a famine.

Speaking of cavemen, if you haven't read George Saunders' Pastoralia, you should. It's amusing -- but it's not as good as Sea Oak, but that's okay, because it's included in the same collection.

When you say, "I’ve concluded that I’m simply not able to be sexually attractive to any woman," etc., you're indicating helplessness. This is the opposite of confidence, and the least attractive thing a man can be to a woman.

If you don't think you can approach a woman without creeping her out, then FIX IT.

Follow the advice in the very article you are commenting on!

Can you honestly not start a conversation with a woman without making an unsolicited comment about her body or violating her personal space?

Can you honestly not just talk to her about the latest space launch, Bulls game, or whatever interests you, without leering creepily at her?

Can you honestly not show interest in what another person is saying and ask good follow-up questions without, like, groping her?

I don't believe that you ARE helpless. I believe that you FEEL helpless, and that is what is so repulsive to women. We're kind of experts at detecting helplessness, because it would be really bad to get knocked up by a helpless male.

So.

Do you have the willingness to change this?

If not... maybe keep hanging out with women just as friends, because you're right -- no one will ever be attracted to you.

But if you do, then start working on it.

Don't double down and get defensive like an ornery little boy. Be willing to learn. Be willing to improve. Be an actual adult with actual agency, instead of a child with a temper.

Obviously the first thing you need to do is learn to be more socially aware and comfortable to be around, so you should order and read every page of Olivia Fox Cabane's The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Connection.

Next, you need to learn find an evidence-based therapist who uses cognitive behavioral therapy, and who is willing to call you out on your shit.

Don't just randomly pick a therapist, because there are a lot of bad ones out there. Before or at your first meeting, tell the therapist that you are not interested in regurgitating childhood trauma or whatever Freudian bullshit, but that you want to actively come up with strategies to recognize and change dysfunctional social behaviors.

Remember: if you can't get a date and women are calling you creepy, you are obviously doing things wrong, and it would be helpful to have someone help you figure out what.

One thing to keep in mind: if you're struggling with depression and the therapist recommends SSRIs, you need to have a serious discussion about whether this is the best option for you. SSRIs can kill your sex drive and cause sexual dysfunction, which is obviously going to mess up your motivation and willingness to date.

Another book you will find very useful is Byron Katie's Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life.

Katie lays out several strategies for cognitively reframing negative thoughts and finding the person you could be without these toxic and untrue beliefs.

If you're already mad. If you're already disagreeing with me. If you already know that none of this advice will help you...

That is why you are repulsive to women.

You are helpless. You are unwilling to grow and improve.

And there is no reason any woman should expect this part of you to magically change just because she started dating you.

You need to take accountability for your own mistakes and growth.

Or nothing will ever change for you and you will always be alone.

110 Comments

john

10/20/2022 07:38:24 am

Can I understand that all women ain't here for my entertainment or obligated to or subject to my own personal wants and needs? Yes! 💯! Can u women try and understand that some men actually can and do appreciate u for the very intelligent, cunning and resourceful creatures that u are and would never even register within them that u were anything less? Not for a second. Maybe some of us ou here actually have the capacity to find you where ur at and respect the whole of u exactly as u are without influence, expectations or judgements?... Maybe that shit that used to anger, intimidate and repulse him about u has actually become most of the reason hes found himself becoming more and more attracted to women just like u and truly appreciates how calculated and intelligent u are when you're mapping out your whole environments and lives down to the finest manipulative detail in order to have an environment that you're comfortable in that also allows u to flourish and be the power brokers in those environments. Yeah we can come to those conclusions and understandings within ourselves as men whithout it being something that makes him weak or desperate because he's accepted things how they are. Not at all. I haven't accepted none of it. Fought it the whole way. Until i opens my eyes and my understanding to the possibility that negative feelings do to my own pride and ego might be keeping me from learning something or being able to really appreciate what's been laid out before me for what it is... A carefully crafted and well laid out tapestry of your resourcefulness, intelligence, ingenuity and passion that feels like art but can teach u more then a lifetime of college if we allow ourselves enough humility and appreciation to learn from what you've placed in front of us. Ya know as bull headed domineering men... I'm a lot of things but I'm not desperate and I certainly ain't to available... None of that. Very confident in self actually and I really do mold my environment in such a way so as to highlight a life that takes cues from that environment in order to mimic the things in that environment that I've deemed hold a higher social engineering value with people who are easily manipulated by what they hav been conditioned to look for even if it doesn't reflect the truth or is something that could be damaging to my reputation and how people view me. To me there is far more value in letting someone be angry at u for being something they are programed to hate and pass judgements on even while glossing over their own participation and culpability in fostering and promoting said behavior or character traits/Flaws... It's easier to manipulate, navigate and control your environment and the people in that environment if u help them believe in their own righteousness and moral superiority. And u give them easy yet intangible targets for their indignation and anger... The only thing u need for this formula to work after u set the stage is a solid understanding of the truth as it really is (from your side now) and a healthy understanding of your own self worth and people's opinions don't prove anything about u other than that u now have a real life example of your ability to help people feel and react to things in a way that more often then not will benefit u and do so at their expence... I learned that from a group of very intelligent women determined to live a life they choose where they are not just participating but in power positions. I love y'all for real. And I appreciate u. Y'all ain't willing to appreciate that truth though. Letting that power get to your heads and losing the vision maybe..? In closing I just want to point out one thing... This or anything I send isn't harassment.... Don't flatter yourselves.... It's communicating with u in your chosen format because thats all u get when u fail to accept and acknowledge anyone via tangible platforms yourselves... That means we can say what we want true or not and the other party has to see it but it also never happened anywhere but in your head... If u
acknowledge anything in person that u take personal then you've failed... I don't even want u to fail. But u will have to accept the truth sooner or later... That I see u and u see me and maybe I'm not as stupid or movable as I once was to all this... I will enjoy everything u invest into this project. Everything. And when I'm back at a full power base in life I'm gonna love the switches that gonna take over y'all's "opinions" and who in the inner circle... 😁 I for real ducks with y'all... U gave me some real game even if it took me awhile to soak it up...

Candace Casey link

12/10/2023 09:21:41 am

When you start off by assuming that you know what a woman is or is not thinking about you you are committing self sabotage. No woman finds men who have an " All women are like that" attitude attractive. A very large percentage of my friends has always been of the male gender because I grew up with two brothers. As a general rule I only avoid men that I feel have the attitude that they know more about women than we do about ourselves. That is the very definition of " mansplaining" and nothing is less attractive than arrogance.

Tony

5/2/2024 06:45:11 am

Cant abide by the duality of men having to carry the burden of every other man who's ever mistreated women in all of human history, while we're expected to be objective with each woman we interact with. Mainstream culture is extraordinarily hostile to men, attributing us genetically defective in a way that makes us dangerous. The basis for this hateful perspective is the history of misdeeds conducted by horrible men, the likes of which pretty much all of us aren't associated with.

I think women tend to blind themselves to just how safe men actually are, that there are thousands upon thousands of men you have interacted with in your life, who didn't bother you, who left you alone, who are so absolutely respectful that they didn't even acknowledge your existence, freeing you from theirs, again to your benefit.

Despite a supermajority of men doing the right thing, and a growing number of us repressing our sexuality because being attracted to a woman has been reframed as predatory, those of us who have done no harm, who've been respectful, who've been courteous, and in many times generous, are still treated poorly because of our genitals.

I think now we're seeing a turning point, where this new generation of men are wondering if they should stop being so polite, by assuming the best of people who outwardly despise them.

Becky

7/28/2024 10:10:58 am

My boyfriend broke up with me….

I was able to win him back,,

He now loves me so much...

Dr_mac k ( @ ya h o O) C oM,,

Doug

6/10/2023 07:31:19 am

Hi Eva - it’s Doug. I am not indicating “helplessness” as you surmise. I am indicating observed reality. And btw, as I said in the quoted post, I have lots of women friends - so obviously I do not do the offensive things you ask about.

Vestigal

10/24/2023 07:15:14 am

I love how she will never respond to you. It's amazing how women can't see the distinct advantage that they have over men, and how they take the fact that they can have sex whenever they want for granted.

It's not a societal thing, it's not even a human thing. Females of all species are the choosers; they get to decide who breeds and who doesn't. If you, as a man, have been judged as unworthy, you will not breed.

The answer to this problem was solved before recorded history: Prostitution. Any woman who chooses their partner based on what he can provide her is just as much a prostitute as as a streetwalker. The only difference is how much they delude themselves.

Ugly men (physically or mentally) need to move to Europe or Nevada to be happy, full stop.

Michelle

10/25/2023 02:33:25 pm

Believe me, Vestigal (is that another name for your...little man? Just curious). Most women are super-happy prostitution exists. In fact, a lot of women are really hoping that affordable sex robots come on the market sooner rather than later, and so the bridge-dwelling malcontents and general rejects - you know, like the guys who show up in these comment sections - can just retreat into their basements or bedroom in their mom's house with the sex robot, and live happily ever after. It really won't be that big of a deal to womankind. The more undesirables we can get out of the dating pool, the happier everyone will be.

Candace Casey link

12/10/2023 09:49:18 am

" Being able to have sex " with men a woman doesn't desire to have sex with is not an " advantage" it is literally what makes us distrustful of even good men. Fyi I know plenty of " unattractive men"( I don't use the phrase ugly because I believe it's not possible for anyone to be ugly if they are created in the image of God) married to absolute stunners. Why? Because they are godly and loving men who treat their wives with " honor". If men stopped seeing women as " potential sex toys"' and instead as human beings and especially as equal sisters in Christ they would be embodying true biblical manhood by emulating Jesus and no one ever met a man like Jesus without falling deeply and passionately in love.

kenny

9/3/2024 12:07:53 am

I can’t wait till the sex robots come either then women will realize how worthless they are without men to protect and provide for them.

Eva Glasrud link

10/31/2023 10:36:12 pm

Doug, your comments came across as pretty defeated and helpless. You should take my advice and try to address these attitudes, as it will help with the dating stuff.

"Vestigal," sorry you've been unable to attract any mates. Loneliness sucks. I hope your prostitutes work out for you or at least take the edge off of your loneliness.

Michelle -- could not agree more. :)

David Nichols

11/7/2023 06:14:01 am

Yall are very disingenuous. 1) most women do not support prostitution, and feminists in particular, hate the idea of sex robots. 2) You can interpret it as defeat or accepting reality. You take the attention you receive for granted and you're entitlement, lack of self awareness or empathy and narcissistic level of self assuredness is evident in your witless snark. Women like violent narcissists. If a man isn't either exceptionally physical attractive or some kind of manipulative douchebag who is just as unempathetic, impulsive and entitled as you, then Women probably won't get along with him.

Vestigal

1/6/2024 06:41:05 am

Did I touch a nerve, Michelle? Ad hominem attacks against people you don't know set you up to look foolish. I'll admit that what I said was hyperbolic and driven by reactive rejection, but neither I nor Doug are basement dwellers. I suppose that I don't have any way to prove it on this medium, though.

Eva, I am surprised and pleased that you did eventually respond to Doug in some fashion, but I must point out that you have not actually responded his point. He says that he needs evidence before he can have confidence, and he's right... for biological reasons. Here, have a dissertation:

Our species has deviated from nature with the invention of organized society, but our biology hasn't caught up yet. 10K years is a very short time in terms of evolution. There are supposed to be more men than women because men are supposed to die more often, whether by the beasts of the wild that we hunt, by those that hunt us, or by conflict with each other. We lived that way for hundreds of thousands of years if you count proto-hominids.

Men need sex in order to be psychologically well-adjusted. If they are unilaterally unattractive, there must be something wrong with them and they shouldn't pass on their genes, so our innate biology tells us, good for nothing but fodder. In the days of pre-civilization, men that were unable to secure mates died very quickly, sent to die or killed outright due to the same differences that caused them to be undesirable in the first place.

Proof, you say? Well, between 50K BC and 10K BC, there was an average of two women for every one man producing offspring. The zenith was reached 8K years ago, when there were 17 women producing offspring for every one man. This timeline correlates with the invention of agriculture. There are many theories as to why that happened, but none of them have any evidence over the others. It's beyond the scope of this discussion at any rate.

As a species, we evolved in such a way that men who are treated as undesirable or unattractive by women develop self-destructive behaviors. It can happen to women too, but the effect is far less pronounced. It doesn't matter why they are treated that way, evident by the unnatural standards applied by society of today, all that matters is that they have been consistently rejected. Ever wonder why more men commit suicide than women? Biological evolution is the answer. Women, as producers of offspring with long periods of gestation, are more valuable than men to the continuation of our species... as long as there are at least enough men to go around. They don't necessarily need to be fit for survival as long as there are men to defend them; the strongest males will have the strongest DNA and dilute impurities in the female stock over time through successive breeding. This pattern is evident in every single mammalian species, present in other kingdoms, and most pronounced in species with social structure. It's why roosters and stallions kill each other. It's why female goats and wolves only breed with a single member of their pack or heard.

Thankfully, our biology is not as intelligent as our crafts. You want to end the incel problem? There are two ways: Conservative or Liberal.

The conservative way would be to make sex outside of marriage illegal and punishable by heavy fines and/or jail time. I wouldn't want to live in that world.

The liberal way would be to legalize prostitution. It isn't as good as sleeping with someone who actually wants you, though, so the effect is diluted. Still, we'd have a lot less crime and suicide.

I wish you, and every woman in the world, could know what it's like to be a man who hasn't had sex in years. It's incomparable to a woman who hasn't had sex in years. The ability to have sex is tied up in our self-worth, and it always will be no matter how much we try to delude ourselves.

You will never understand fully, especially not in this day when any woman, no matter how grotesque, can get free sex whenever she wants. It might not be who she WANTS to have sex with, but that is a luxurious choice that most men aren't capable of.

P.S. speaking as a former incel, having met a wonderful woman who share's my views regarding equal rights for men and women. Namely, that women have a distinct advantage in today's society (also beyond the scope of this discussion)

1/11/2024 10:59:54 am

@Vestigal, re: M:F reproduction rates, I think it’s right in line with the scope of this discussion.

I think it’s fairly simple: women want the best possible man, and certainly one who is better than her in most respects. This comes from an inherent biological need to ensure the success of children. Before the advent of societal monogamy, being attached to the strongest, most powerful male available (whether by choice or circumstance) was the best way to ensure protection and providence for children, as well as have a chance at the best possible genetics. Basically, the best men got to reproduce, and other men fell by the wayside. The M:F reproductive rates tilted heavily female as women needed the best possible men for survival and reproductive success.

The rise of monogamy signaled a shift; as economic conditions improved to the point where a wider selection of men were economically viable in their lives (rather than just a few hyper-successful men), man-woman partner pairings offered the best chance of survival and reproductive success for women; even average men were now capable of providence. M:F reproductive rates evened out.

The last 100 years have seen massive societal shifts in the role of sex in relationships (with birth control detaching it from a necessarily reproductive role), increased economic, educational, and professional opportunities for women, as well as governmental security for children with only one active parent (such as enforced child support). Women no longer need men to ensure their own economic prospects or even reproductive security (and that’s a GOOD thing for society). The old paradigm of “find the best possible man” is rising again. When coupled with online dating, where women have a decisive numerical advantage (many more men on dating platforms than women, meaning women have a far greater selection), the average man has a much harder time of meeting the average woman’s rising standards for an acceptable romantic partner. Women don’t need men for economic stability, or safety, or even to ensure the success of their children. Women have a wider selection of evidently available prospects, and they have the patience to wait out sub-par prospects in the hope of finding a better one (as studies have shown that women are happier being alone than men are, and some studies indicate that women on average are happier being single than they are being married).

All of this has led to the M:F reproductive rates (really, M:F sexual activity rates, as birth control has divorced sex from reproduction) is tilting female again; studies show than male sexlessness has tripled in the last few decades while women’s sexlessness has remained relatively static. Simply, women want the best possible man, and they’re willing to wait to find him or defer entirely if they can’t find him (“Don’t settle!”).

Women in particular have far better lives now due to these shifts, and men are selected by women because they are wanted, not because their support is necessary for survival. As Michelle noted, future generations will be genetically and economically better off because of the exclusion of undesirable men from genuine human affection. As bitter as I am about it, the world is a better place if I, an undesirable man, live and die alone and unloved.

Bob

3/27/2025 10:46:48 am

So because your insane lack of insight leads you to believe something that is blindingly stupid, we’re the incels? Lmao maybe you’re just a retard.

David

4/27/2024 07:40:35 am

You got some POW on what women think, want and find or don't find attractive - from a woman. And every one is different. You have lots of female friends, but those aren't the objects of your interest, and so their opinions and preferences aren't either. Now you got this information from the outside and it's your own business what you're gonna do with it.

Jim

4/27/2024 07:50:10 am

What women want is important, but what men want is also important. Men want to be treated fairly and decently. Michelle and Eva are now getting some POV on what men think, want and find or don't find reasonable or fair. Now they have this information and it's their business what they're gonna do with it. Perhaps they'll listen and grow as people, and that will reduce the amount of problems between men and women in the world...or maybe they'll ignore it and continue being arrogant, continuing the problems between men and women. It is the hope of the men who are writing these comments that some women will read this and grow as people.

changingthenarrative

6/20/2023 12:02:54 am

This is excellent advice.

I firmly believe a lot of these guys and their problems are due to the fact that what passes for a man in society these days is such a low bar compared to previous eras when it comes to the things that actually deep down make a man attractive to a woman.

Confidence, how you handle yourself, being responsible, being able to protect her, chivalry etc. Society right now tries to make men "enlightened" at the expense of what actually makes us men because the most influential voices right now are women who are in all honesty dishonest about what attracts them in a guy or what they desire and men who have no backbone to the point they'll say all the right things just to get laid or get ahead in life. I've seen you be on the wrong end of that with your comments on gender ideology so I know you know the phenomena I refer to.

Too many of these guys don't have the kind of upbringing or life that instills in one a backbone and the old school values necessary to have the confidence to be who you are and know that a lot of what society is telling you as a man is bullshit they only say because it sounds good.

There is ALWAYS something you can improve. Period. The idea that a guy can't possibly attract a woman at all is just so ridiculous. Eva is 100% right that you're making yourself helpless and having a defeatist attitude in order to make excuses rather than putting in the work to grow.

Candace Casey link

12/10/2023 09:42:57 am

I wasn't going to say anything more until I read this " most women are dishonest about what they are attracted to in men" I don't want to deny that some women might be dishonest about what kind of guy they like but it's not that simple. I am a huge fan of the Vampire diaries and I absolutely love Ian Somerhalder ( as an actor but I am more physically attracted to Paul Wesley as the way he moves reminds me of my late husband) I recall him once being quoted as saying " No one has ever been able to answer the question what do women want?" He was only half right about that 🤷‍♀️ Women just like men are individuals. So then it stands to reason that we each have unique tastes and preferences. The first guy I ever really saw romantically was a sweet old fashioned Mexican guy but I also had a huge crush on a very modern liberal guy at one time in my life because he was passionate and brilliant and reminded me of my favorite uncle who was more like a father to me. Women are attracted to different types of men for different reasons. I personally just like a guy that I can talk to and confide in. And any guy who can make me laugh. Other women prefer a very different kind of guy than I do and that's ok. Most men approach women as a monolith that's why they are " unsuccessful" with women. Instead of asking " What do women want?" I think it might be beneficial for men to ask themselves " What does the woman in front of me want?" And I guarantee you if you do that success will be far more of a possibility than continuing to pay for some grifters half baked advice on " seduction" something Christian men honestly should not be partaking in because it's roots are demonic.

12/11/2023 09:27:10 am

I’d agree that people aren’t a monolith in terms of what they find attractive, but there *are* characteristics that are generally found to be attractive by society…that is, characteristics that are generally found to be attractive to the opposite sex. In men, women tend to be attracted to guys who are confident, exciting, interesting, good conversationalists, assertive, competent, successful, funny/witty, intelligent, have status, meet certain criteria of physique (height sliders are a thing in online dating), align with them on certain interests, are aesthetically pleasing (in terms of attire/grooming), etc.

That’s not an exhaustive list, and I don’t mean to imply that women are looking for ALL of those things, but I don’t think anyone would disagree that those all tend to be major components of attraction on a general scale. Most women are going to prioritize at least a few of those when gauging men for a partner. They want a good, decent guy who is intelligent, witty, and confident. Or a good, decent guy who is competent at…cooking, let’s say, likes animals, and is tall. Or a good, decent guy who is a good conversationalist, is assertive, and likes to read. And so on and on.

For the guy, he has to stand out. He has to be at least above average in a few of those domains in order to attract attention. He also has to be better than his competition, and that aspect has changed dramatically in the last two decades. It used to be that a guy had to stand out from the other guys in the bar, or the other guys in her bowling league, or in her church, or in her college classes. He was in direct comparison to maybe a few dozen other guys she knew day-to-day at most. These days, guys are in direct comparison with hundreds or thousands of other guys within a 30+ mile radius of her. He not only needs to stand out to her out of all the guys she knows personally, but also in all of the guys she can swipe through on her phone; he is easily and quickly replaceable on a whim.

He’s also competing with something relatively new: her contentedness being single until she finds someone who meets her standards. As women’s educational, economic, and professional prospects have improved over the last half century or so, so have their dating standards (and that’s a GOOD thing, I’m not implying that I want to go back to the days of women being trapped in loveless/abusive marriages out of a need for survival). But women *generally* want men who have more than themselves…more income, more education, more professional stature, etc., and as their quality of life has risen, so has the bar for what kind of guy is acceptable to them. I’m college-educated. I own my own house, I have a vehicle, I have a stable white-collar job that provides a decent (but not extravagant) income. That simply has not been enough to put me in the “+” category in terms of attractiveness when most of the men I’m being compared to, as well as the women doing the comparing, have the same sorts of things, especially combined with my below-average nature of the characteristics I listed in the first paragraph.

I think that’s the mindset I’m contesting here with the author: the worldview that being a good, decent man who works on himself, has a positive mindset, and who “puts himself out there” will automatically make him qualify romantically with *someone* at *some point* in his life. It doesn’t. Women’s lives are much better than they used to be. Women, quite frankly, are much better than men in many ways. We have to be better and more than we are if we expect to find a place in a woman’s life; “Good and decent but boring and basic” doesn’t cut it anymore.

changingthenarrative

12/11/2023 07:34:58 pm

So you kind of completely missed what I was saying here.

What I was saying is women as a whole can be very dishonest about what they like in a man entirely because society these days positively reinforces that, and any man who listens to it will end up worse off for it.

Women publicly talk like and female voices in society push this idea that women love feminist type men who are basically pushovers and evolved and basically yes men but really any woman a guy meets most wants a strong person with a backbone and integrity.

Guys need to listen to other guys when it comes to how to be. Our first identity is as a man, not a being who exists solely to attract women.

Dan

12/28/2023 07:55:07 pm

@changingthenarrative

Explain what you just said in the concrete, not the abstract, fuckboy.

Dan

2/10/2024 08:11:53 pm

Candace, thanks for acknowledging that people are people, and as such, people vary in regard to preferences, mannerisms, values, lifestyles, etc.. Unfortunately, regressed people such as Eva and changingthenarrative (he isn't changing shit) have not caught on to the concept that there is no one-size-fits all or general application to terms like "confidence," "strong," and "integrity."

changingthenarrative said that "women as a whole can be dishonest." That is generalizing, and is an automatic disqualifying statement, as it completely disregards and disrespects those opinions of women who are vocal about what they, as individuals, find attractive in men. He also said that guys need to listen to other guys when it comes to how to be. So, if he was raised in a low-income neighborhood by his parents, it would not make sense to listen to his father on how to be, if a particular woman did not want to partner with a guy who was not talented or resourceful enough to acquire the income necessary to raise children in a non-impoverished community. Again, this conservative narrative of "the individual" is ironically misused by dolts like him and Eva.

Perhaps in the low-income areas that guys like changingthenarrative occupy, a "man" is considered a "man," but in other spaces, he would be considered a brainless dendroid.

Likewise, Eva insists that she is "objectively gorgeous." No, absolutely not, as if she believes it is not subject to opinion. Perhaps she is the most gorgeous woman in the room to a bunch of average-looking dorks (like her) and older men in the venues she frequents, but that isn't saying much. It's all relative, and these two idiots don't seem to understand that.

She occupies these spaces because that is where she feels the most gorgeous to satisfy her ego and get the attention and validation she needs to fit her definition of gorgeous. changingthenarrative gets his validation for being a "man" in certain spaces where he fits in to meet his definition of being a "man." You get in where you fit in, and not everyone fits into every space with everyone around them.

I think Doug would benefit from the realization that there, too, are women who have a very difficult time attracting and keeping a partner, but still manage to lead good lives. There is no reason why he cannot do the same.

changingthenarrative

12/28/2023 09:10:33 pm

Dan, shut the fuck up. The only place you talk this big is online so quit with the act already.

You're an obsessive little beta male stalker.

Dan

1/13/2024 07:19:38 pm

You are aware that the alpha-beta theory was debunked by the same biologist who hypothesized it, aren't you? Probably not, because you're a chest beating dumbfuck who takes his cues from clowns like Alex Stein and other YouTube conservative jackoffs.

changingthenarrative

1/14/2024 02:13:20 am

Dan, quit talking.

You're all talk, a coward, an attempted bully, and a narcissistic manchild.

The difference between you and I is I really am what I say and would have absolutely no problem destroying you in a fight if you left me no choice. But unlike you I avoid having to do that whenever possible.

That's why you need to keep talking your stuff. Because if you didn't, the actual truth would be obvious.

I'm from the hood, you little fraud. There's nothing fake about beta males or alpha males because I've lived it my whole life. Just like you've probably been a weasel little beta your whole life.

But hey man, if you really wanna be about backing up your talk sometime, we can be about it. But we both know you don't want that because you're an all talk fraud.

Dan

1/14/2024 07:08:36 pm

I've already told you my name, Dan Anderson. Yet, you have yet to tell me your real name. You're not a big, hardass from "the hood." You're an Eva sock puppet.

Eva, you say that I am not intelligent, while you're not smart enough to adjust your writing style to convincingly impersonate someone who defends you. The way you write "Period" in one sentence and corny terms like "try-hard" in both the comments of "Michelle" and "changingthenarrative." The way you and "changingthenarrative" bloviate with your cringey alpha-beta rhetoric. The way you make nauseating, contradicting arguments.

I am not the bully, Eva, you are the bully. You are an obnoxious, condescending, blowhard and lack empathy and diplomacy in your "advice." Your attitude got you kicked off Quora.

Dan

1/23/2024 04:05:10 pm

If you're ever in the Tampa area, let me know. So I've already told you my name and location. Are you going to tell me yours? What hood are you from? South Central L.A.? North Philadelphia?

changingthenarrative

1/24/2024 05:17:44 am

Lol first you're from upstate NY, now you're from the Tampa area?

Please dude.

Get a life.

Dan

2/10/2024 05:14:42 pm

Don't remember ever telling you anything about upstate New York, but I am presently in Tampa. Again, my offer to meet up stands, pussy.

changingthenarrative

2/11/2024 03:43:42 am

Dan, nothing about you is real. Stop talking.

Dan

3/3/2024 07:03:31 am

So, by shut the fuck up, you mean you don't have the balls to meet up in person like you said you would. Got it. Your coward status is confirmed, Eva.

Knobcheese vermin link

3/3/2024 06:38:52 pm

To u 2
Shitheads that fucked up a good read…fuckup with your American jumped up dickboj comments…was an interesting informative read on how easily iv fucked up for many years..regards 🇳🇿🇳🇿

changingthenarrative

3/3/2024 08:28:59 pm

Idiot, "Dan" is an unhinged stalker who has harassed Eva on every post under many different names for like a decade now, and I was calling him out and responding to his ensuing toxic narcissistic BS.

Read more before you open your mouth next time.

Dan

3/15/2024 06:12:03 pm

@knobcheese vermin

Nobody fucked up anything for you, cuntmuffin. If you want a good read, go read the DSM-5. I'm sure you'll fit the profile of someone with such an inferiority complex that you have to kiss the ass of a narcissistic woman.

@fuckboy

Stalking and responding to articles are two very different things, dumbshit. Physically following someone is stalking. Eva can block my comments whenever she wants, but chooses not to. If she did not want my opinions to show on her blog, then she should block them. Doing otherwise shows that she does not mind arguing with people, and negates whatever ideation of harassment kiss-ass fuckheads like you toss around.

Simp harder, you fuck.

changingthenarrative

3/15/2024 08:40:40 pm

You can bite as much slang as you want, Dan, but it will never change the fact that you're an in his feelings little bitch.

Period.

I would absolutely fucking destroy you on my worst day. I weigh 250 lbs of mostly muscle and am built like a tight end thanks to my blue collar job. I grew up fighting like everybody else I know and unlike internet loudmouths like you.

All this shit you talk about yourself is a lame attempt to hide who and what you really are and feel like the big and important man you will never be.

Wanna know why you won't? Because that would require losing your false image, getting the fuck over yourself, and having some semblance of integrity and maturity.

But a narcissist like you is incapable of any of that.

You think I'm a "simp", a word you stole from a culture you have never belonged to, because you're delusional. That's never been me. I've cost myself opportunities to date or have sex with women because of my integrity and standing firm on certain things. Something you will never be capable of.

You are just a lame jealous hater with obvious NPD.

Now for the last time, sit down and shut your bitch ass up.

Kris

8/19/2023 10:12:17 pm

I'm so tired.

I'm 30 years old. When I was 18, I was 330 pounds, autistic, socially inept. I spat when I talked (still do sometimes lol), got too excited about my special interests. I talked over people, and I was rude.

I've lost 100 pounds. I made so many friends - many of whom are women. I got my degree, worked for a few years. I got new hobbies, I travelled to other countries. I moved cities and I rekindled old friendships and I volunteered. I tried new things and I learned how to laugh at myself.

I still have no easier time getting a woman to look at me. If I'm online anonymous on reddit I can have no end of experiences. The moment I am expected to generate that je ne sais quoi in person, it generally fails.

I'm just so tired of the condescension, Eva. I'm tired of being told shit like "are you incapable of talking to a woman without groping her?" I'm tired of being told shit like "take a shower and go to the gym" - basic shit someone should be doing anyway.

What I don't understand is why women have such a hard time understanding - it is AVERAGE guys struggling. I'm sure the guys who never bathe and go on insane sexist rants on their first dates are going to have trouble - this does not apply to many, many men like myself that are having a bad time with it.

Sure we can be Kenough and enjoy our lives as single men - but we're not necessarily happy single. We want to be married and drive our adorable little children to soccer practice and we want to frame their drawings on the wall, too. At least I do.

What I have found from life is that being dateable is kind of a non sum. There are unemployed sexist assholes that are serial daters and cheat on everyone they ever date, and never lack for a partner, and there are really awesome guys that are single for most of their lives. Idk what I am, I prefer not to judge myself. My self standard is to be modest, humble, diligent, hard working, and respectful, and to find some way to reconcile that with my weird character and my love of complimenting everything about my friends and loved ones.

This got a bit ranty, but I felt it needs to be stated: men are just not getting good advice. From women, we get advice like this. Advice that is accurate, but lacks a tangible methodology that we require to go about getting dating accomplished for ourselves. From other men, we get a method that is utterly lacking in any kind of accurate perspective. In the middle are socially clued out guys like myself that are trying to get better, feeling like I'm on a self improvement hamster wheel going nowhere, getting older, and starting to feel jaded in between the new gray hairs.

Please stop telling me how to floss my teeth.

Michelle

10/25/2023 03:01:59 pm

Kris:

So, sorry no one has explained this to you but: apparently, you have negative rizz. Get a teenager to explain it to you, if necessary.

I truly believe that anyone - even people who are exceptionally physically unattractive (which maybe you are - be honest with yourself) can change their level of rizz and become more appealing to the people they are trying to attract. Having a "weird character" and coming across as a try-hard ("complimenting everything about friends and loved ones" is try-hard, and is likely coming across as inauthentic/pathetic) is not going to help.

I'm going to armchair-diagnose your problem - you either need to stop looking for an average-Joe woman (most likely with above-average looks - tell me I'm wrong) and lean into your weirdness, and try to find someone who's the same kind of weird as you. Or, alternatively, stop being weird, The latter is probably a lot easier than the former, TBH.

That's the "tangible methodology" you're looking for. You're either trying to hide your real personality to the point that you're coming across like Jeffrey Dahmer, trying to be a normal person around other normal people. AKA, you're trying so hard to mask your weirdness that you're coming across as creepy. Or, you're looking for someone who is, looks-wise and rizz-wise, way out of your league.

(P.s. - whining about "I can't help it, I like what I like and I only like women who look like supermodels or TV actresses or anime characters" is a cop-out. Grow up. That's usually the siren song of people who are addicted to the naughty pictures they look at online and don't want to change or have to deal with their addiction. Therapy is the best solution for this, not more whining.)

There are plenty of women out there, believe me. But if you have negative rizz, the really attractive ones are not going to go for you - sorry. That's just how this goes. You have some kind of fundamental issue with your looks or your personality that is not going to allow you to get with an extremely attractive woman who is used to being with/around men who have high levels of rizz. I know this goes against what we usually tell people - "don't worry, there's someone out there for everyone! The Real One can look past your flaws and see the real you!" That doesn't actually happen, at least not when we're talking about very attractive women who have tons of options. You are not a reasonable option for a woman who has tons of options, and the sooner you accept that, the happier you will be.

So: you need to adjust your standards and you need to be more realistic about your ability to pull women. You also should lean into whatever weird or quirky thing you're into - whether it's DnD, 3-D printing comic book characters in your garage, Warhammer, playing ridiculously complicated board games - whatever. Whatever weird thing you enjoy doing, there is a woman out there who enjoys that too. She does not, in all likelihood, look like a supermodel or an anime character. But she might be kind, loving, supportive, also want a family, etc. and you two could make a good life together.

Also, someone needs to tell you: everything you wrote is Nice Guy Syndrome in action. Every time I hear some man complaining about how "no one wants to date me even though I've worked on myself, and it's terrible because I'm Such a Nice Guy" - a little questioning reveals the person only wants to date extremely attractive women with a certain set of lifestyle credentials and attitude (which is usually: infinitely supportive, deferential and easygoing to the point of being a doormat). If you do not look like the guys on dating reality shows, and have their level of charisma/rizz? You are not going to pull the kind of women who look like women on dating reality shows. Period. I don't care what you've read on Red Pill websites or from Andrew Tate. Tate has rizz, despite being a disgusting human being. So readjust your expectations and get back out there.

One big tip: if you make everything all about you, that's a turnoff. One of the biggest turn-ons is when someone is genuinely interested in another person - not just for show, or to get something out of it. Are you talking about yourself all the time? Do you only ask questions of other people because you feel like you have to? Try asking questions and really listening to what they have to say. Not just waiting for your turn to talk. There absolutely are people out there who come across as this weird combination of obsequious/deferential but also extremely self-involved - I've seen it, in both men and women. It's obvious and it's an extreme turnoff. Is the vibe you think you're giving off the vibe you're actually giving off? Ask a friend you can trust; they'll tell you the truth.

(And yes, I would give this same advice to a woman who was complaining about an inability to find a partner. And I have.)

Dan

10/28/2023 12:51:24 pm

Would you tell Eva to get real about her level of physical attractiveness, also? She is in her late thirties and thinks that she is this gorgeous, irresistible woman that every guy wants to fuck and be with.

She is a lanky, flat-chested, flat-assed, pasty white girl with beady eyes, a gawky face and a goofy overbite. She does not have the body of a supermodel. She has the body of an androgynous female beach volley ball player whose only marker of a female is her long hair. Eva is not gorgeous, she is average, at best.

Her arrogance and delusion about her own physical attractiveness goes hand in hand with her inability to pull the kind of guy she wants. The kind of men she wants do not want her, they have far better options than a weird, goofy, arrogant, annoying woman who thinks she is 10, but is at best a 5. She looks like Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas.

She will never pull this kind of guy, which is why she is alone. Also, if personality counts for anything, she pushes the kind of men she wants away with her own insufferable, selfish personality. Those men have options, and they have chosen better than her.

Perhaps Eva should adjust her standards and be realistic about the kind of men she can attract and not lecture people about what is and is not attractive.

Eva Glasrud link

10/31/2023 11:02:10 pm

Michelle,

That is a great diagnosis and advice. I hope he takes it. It could make all the difference.

Dan,

We both know I am objectively gorgeous. If you seriously think you can hurt a beautiful woman's feelings by calling her ugly, it is only because you have no experience whatsoever with being attractive or having self-esteem.

What a pity for you.

And since you're so obsessed with my love life, I have had the most loving, incredible relationships of, like, anyone. Not a day goes by when I don't feel incredibly lucky for the friendships and romantic relationships I have in my life.

Go give Internet Girl another listen. As I've said before, it's not about YOU, since I don't give a shit about you, but it's basically about you, as you're one of MANY men who are obsessed with me online, but who don't actually know anything about me, and about whom I will never think outside of the notifications I get when you comment endlessly on my content.

https://open.spotify.com/track/1LAi7WamsxkXMXBb7HFz8I

Dan

12/28/2023 08:21:32 pm

Eva, What makes you presume that you are objectively gorgeous, and why do you presume that I would agree with your opinion? What metric(s) are you using to come to that conclusion, when the word "gorgeous" has no bearing in the definition of "objective?"

Physical beauty is universally subjective to the opinions of others. To say that you are "objectively gorgeous" is to say that your physical appearance is not subject to the opinions of others, and that others are not allowed to form their own opinion of your appearance. This suggests that you, ironically, do not know how to use terms like "objectively" objectively--while accusing people of not having reading, writing and comprehension skills--cannot emotionally handle the prospect that people don't find you gorgeous, or are a narcissist with unresolved internal issues.

Hope this comment wasn't too long for your liking. Being cursory, like that fuckboy changingthenarrative and Zane, is not my style. Plus, being expository allowed me to excel in college. This is hilarious coming from someone who got kicked off Quora and had to retreat to her own blog.

changingthenarrative

1/14/2024 02:19:13 am

Dan, you're as not intelligent as you are not tough.

You can call me a fuckboi all you want but at the end of the day, you'd get robbed by teenage girls where I'm from while I'd go to your hometown and laugh in the face of anybody I wanted to and watch while they do nothing.

You're not real. Nothing about you is real. Not your intelligence and sure as hell not that tough talk you talk.

At the end of the day, I can back my talk up while you very clearly can't.

You can rail against reality all you want but it's still reality.

You're not a man. You're a pathetic overgrown boy who is in his feelings over a woman he doesn't know whose page he's stalked for years now. You have no life because if you did or if you had even the slightest bit of substance or maturity, you wouldn't be obsessed with her and stalking her page to leave your lame and passive aggressive comments years and years later.

Everything you do proves that everything you say is not only a lie but a pathetic attempt to deflect from the reality of things, and I've never been about that.

Because I'm everything you aren't and will never be. No matter how much you childishly project onto me.

Kris

3/10/2024 10:59:59 pm

Months later because I rightfully took months to take care of myself before replying to this bs.

>Having a "weird character" and coming across as a try-hard ("complimenting everything about friends and loved ones" is try-hard, and is likely coming across as inauthentic/pathetic) is not going to help

This is me. That is who I am. You are asking me to be inauthentic if you ask me to change that. It is not try hard, I really do have something good to say about everyone, and I think everyone should hear nice things about themselves.

>Also, someone needs to tell you: everything you wrote is Nice Guy Syndrome in action. Every time I hear some man complaining about how "no one wants to date me even though I've worked on myself, and it's terrible because I'm Such a Nice Guy" - a little questioning reveals the person only wants to date extremely attractive women with a certain set of lifestyle credentials and attitude (which is usually: infinitely supportive, deferential and easygoing to the point of being a doormat). If you do not look like the guys on dating reality shows, and have their level of charisma/rizz? You are not going to pull the kind of women who look like women on dating reality shows. Period. I don't care what you've read on Red Pill websites or from Andrew Tate. Tate has rizz, despite being a disgusting human being. So readjust your expectations and get back out there.

Right, well, your loaded assumptions about me really don't work this time, and no part of me wants to be anything like Tate regardless. I'm not really sure what this whole paragraph was about, you seem to first discount Tate, and then endorse his "Rizz". You don't seem to have your own ideas straight.

>One big tip: if you make everything all about you, that's a turnoff. One of the biggest turn-ons is when someone is genuinely interested in another person - not just for show, or to get something out of it. Are you talking about yourself all the time? Do you only ask questions of other people because you feel like you have to?

Yes, I do. Did you read my initial post? I expressed a degree of frustration at all this advice being simplistic things we should have taught people in Kindergarten. I'm autistic so I am likely always going to have a tougher time, but because of that, I've put a lot of deliberate work into getting better at communicating. Like I said, hamster wheel. I'm annoyed because my efforts are taking me nowhere.

>(And yes, I would give this same advice to a woman who was complaining about an inability to find a partner. And I have.)

At least you're rude and unhelpful for everyone.

Tl;dr this column is a great reminder of exactly the kinds of people I don't want to attract, so I'll keep doing this "negative rizz" thing if it keeps people like yourself away. Thank you for the reminders.

Dave

3/21/2024 08:55:15 pm

Michelle, did you accidentally skip the part where he told you he's autistic, and later you noticed it and felt embarrassed for showing your neurotypical privilege and for looking so deeply heartlessness? Or are you actually like that towards autistic people?

Dave

3/21/2024 08:51:57 pm

Thank you for writing this Kris. Seeing another autistic person standing up against neurotypical privilege attitudes makes me feel less alone and feel less judged as nonhuman by people like Eva and Michelle. Eva just treats autistic people as nonexistent, but that Michelle, wow.

Dan

10/18/2024 04:54:54 pm

Dave, Eva might not be autistic, but she is definitely very weird and very, very goofy. And "Michelle" is just one of Eva's sock puppets on her blog she uses in an attempt to reinforce a message she tries to get through to commenters. She uses "changingthenarrative" as a sock puppet to respond to my comments that she does not have a mild rebuttal for in an attempt to intimidate me and throw flaming insults at me. She uses that sock puppet so readers won't think she loses her composure when someone criticizes her in the same way she criticizes others.

slast

10/19/2023 05:24:17 am

The problem with helplessness and defeatism is that it can never be defeated. Ropemaxxing is the way to go.

Greg

11/19/2023 06:47:23 pm

I am very fit, make good money, drive a new car, and have been told I am attractive, but never believe it. Whenever I meet a woman, I just automatically assume she would never be interested in me sexually and leave it at that. I suffered from low self esteem issues all my life, and it would be foolish to believe that will never be an issue in the future. But I am comfortable with who and what I am. I will never have to deal with another bad breakup or divorce, and will never have harassment charges thrown at me. I have learned there is more to life than looking for someone.

Greg

11/19/2023 07:24:44 pm

And I don't think it is because I am doing something wrong that needs "fixing", sometimes it is OK to be disconnected.

12/6/2023 09:35:20 am

From the perspective of a male struggler, in your essay here there seems to be a pretty serious conflation of “guy who struggles to get a date” with “guy who is creepy.” Those two are not the same thing (with one big exception that you elucidated the referenced earlier blog entry, which I will discuss after my main point).

I can objectively answer “Yes” to all of your questions…I can start a conversation without making comments about her body or violating her personal space, I can talk about the Treaty of Wesphalia or the latest board game I played without leering at her, I can be an active and responsive listener in what she has to say without groping her.

None of those basic social skills make me *attractive* to her, however, which college-aged “Nice Guy”(TM) me despondently discovered as girls for whom I fell straight through friendhood and into unrequited crushing categorically failed to feel the same. The bitter lesson: as friendship deepens, stamp down on and purge my feelings of attraction, as they are *not* returned…no creepiness included on my part.

(Full disclosure…there were three instances in my life where I *did* surpass the “Nice Guy” phase and toe into “Creepy Guy”-dom…they weren’t intentionally creepy on my part at the time, and I only recognized them as such with introspection and therapy years after the fact, and I am willing to describe them and submit to the Judgement of the Internet if anyone cares to hear the cringey details, but I feel I should at least mention the times I was creepy as I say “I can talk to women without being creepy.”)

That brings me to the point you omitted in your brief recap of that article: “If you’re not SURE the answer is yes, don’t ask her out.” The unspoken truths there:
1- Asking a woman out when she doesn’t want to be asked out is inherently creepy
2- Women have a right to go about their lives on a daily basis without dealing with unwanted romantic advances, even if they’re respectful and vanishing in the face of rejection
Which are reinforced by this from you:
“If you don't know she would say yes, you…need to practice developing your social skills (…). Because either you don't have the social savvy to stay out of trouble, or you're asking because of wishful thinking. And she shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable and objectified by some CREEPY DUDE [emphasis mine] she doesn't even like just because you were too lazy or emotional to examine and correctly interpret the interactions.”

By that metric, I (and most other guys-who-struggle) have creeped out the DOZENS of women we have respectfully-but-futilely asked out over the decades. I am nearly 40. From my middle school days of being told by girls that I was weird and stinky (chronic conditions endemic to middle school boys), to my nerdy HS and college days of being completely invisible to women, to my maturing adult days of wondering how everyone else in the world found it all so easy, to my most recent rejection in which I was told, honest-to-God, that I was “just too nice,” I have never been found attractive enough to be told “Yes” when I asked someone out.

That alone makes me creepy in your words.

That, combined with my lived experience of being chronically rejected, means that I just need to STOP with all the shooting of shots. If this portion of the human experience hasn’t happened for me in my 25+ years of romantic eligibility, chances are slim it’s going to happen for me at all.

Sometimes, despite its deep and earnest desire to be covered, the pot just isn’t made to be fit by any lid.

Dan

2/26/2024 08:48:26 pm

AI,

In regards to that article Eva wrote, "If you're not SURE the answer is yes, don't ask her out," would you REALLY want to deal with a woman who has that kind of a rigid, abrasive attitude?

She is showing a preview of how unpleasant she would be as a partner with all of her weird rules she has for how guys should conduct themselves at all times. She is basically a micromanager who has extrapolated her past traumas and applies them to even the most benign circumstances, like a guy asking a woman out after building a good rapport. A woman can simply, and politely, reject the guy without getting all bent out of shape about it (like a normal person), but this is Eva, and she is an asshole who has internal issues that she projects onto men in situations like this.

I have asked women out that I have spoken to for months, and I have asked women out that I have only spoken to for a few days. In both instances, I have received both yeses and noes. So, no, Eva's neurotic, vindictive outlook on asking women out does not apply in all cases.

In fact, one woman who said no was surprised that I was open to dating and she later introduced me to one of her friends who was interested in me. The point being is that the woman who said no actually acted like a mature adult, unlike Eva. She did not have a spaz attack over a guy she did not want to date asking her out, like Eva. She did not go behind my back talking shit because she did not want to date me, like Eva would. And she had enough control over her emotional/psychological faculties to not let a guy asking her out on a date make her feel unnecessarily uncomfortable.

There are many women who can conduct themselves with grace and class to be flattered, and not irrationally offended, by a guy showing interest in them in a way that is not pushy or sexual.

2/28/2024 11:07:56 am

“Would you really want to deal with a woman who has that kind of rigid, abrasive attitude,” I guess I don’t understand what you mean…I think women mostly *are* this way. They want to be asked out by men they want to ask them out, and they don’t want to be asked out by men they don’t want to be asked out by. Really that simple.

And while I think that objectively there are actions and behaviors that most would agree are harassing, in the end if I’ve made a woman feel uncomfortable then she could legitimately claim that I was harassing her, despite my intentions. As I said, I’ve done this more or less accidentally three times in my life…I wasn’t intending to harass or proceed against the consent of women, but my actions/words nonetheless caused them distress and discomfort, leading me to retroactively classify my behavior as harassing and non-consensual.

I never want to do that again.

So I try to listen carefully to what women say about actions of men, and it’s not just the author saying this…there are dozens and dozens of articles, posts, videos, etc. of women describing distaste, discomfort, and distress at being asked out by men they don’t want to ask them out.

It’s been enough to make me pause and re-evaluate every single interaction that ever led me to asking women out in my life, that made me think that I had a chance with them (when I didn’t).

She says it plainly: I’m creepy and harassing if the woman I’m asking out thinks I am, despite my intentions. She also says that the only REAL way to not creep out or harass women is to not ask them out, particularly if one has dull social intelligence, like me.

Dan

3/3/2024 07:44:30 am

Yes, I agree that it is important to listen to what women say. It is also important to observe what they do, also. If you apply the reasoning and find patterns in a person's behavior, you can come away with whether or not that particular person is worth dealing with or not. Eva, and other arrogant, insufferable women like Eboni K. Williams, Lolo Jones and Jennifer Aniston are unable to sustain a relationship because of their repulsive attitudes and behavior. Just look at these clips by Jones, and ask yourself if this is the kind of attitude you want to deal with for the rest of your life:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/JKZ7fIsFSGY
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Vj7BghAlUEE

If it were to become a social norm for women to bear the burden of asking men out, I think they would be far more disappointed than they are now, as they would increase their likelihood of being rejected by men, directly. Women do not cope well with rejection, so they pass that burden on to men, while reserving the right to react with disgust when men they find unattractive take the initiative.

Ironically, when women find out if a guy rejected a woman who is conventionally unattractive, and is creeped out by her taking an interest in him, they will castigate him as a shallow, lookist asshole. By Eva's logic, men also have the right to be creeped out by unattractive women showing interest.

My point is that you should absolutely not allow Eva's emotional baggage from her past traumas to denigrate yourself or make you feel that you are so unattractive that you are not worth a loving relationship. It is true, no one is entitled to a relationship, but you are entitled to find other people attractive and pursue relationships with people to the best of your ability, as society pressures people to do.

There ARE women out there who do not think and behave like Eva (thank fucking God), and would be interested in getting to know you. I think what Eva is demanding of men is to pursue their equals in terms of appearance. It is nauseatingly obvious that Eva is obsessed with her appearance and is in tune with the reality that a woman's physical attractiveness is the primary form of currency needed for her to attract the kind of man that she is attracted to.

Eva has stated that unattractive women are ignored. And that is true, as men are not obligated to invest any of their resources, including their time and energy in a woman who physically repulses them. Eva, being acutely aware of this reality, is angry when she sees men who rank in a certain place on the physical attractiveness spectrum ignore women who she believes are their physical equals.

You could try your luck with women who are largely overlooked by other men. Such women do not have the currency to demand a certain kind of man, so they may be more welcome to the interest of men on all sorts of attractiveness levels. The drawback to this is you probably won't want to have sex with her for her physical appearance, and her personality may not be good enough to compensate.

In the meantime, avoid women who do not have the same personality and interests as you. If from the onset, she is abrasive, cold, distant, condescending, bitter, and just gives off the vibe that she is better than you, simply avoid her. As Michelle (another one of Eva's sockpuppets) said above, attractive women have many options to choose from, and they are just as lookist as anyone, so they will be insulted if a guy they don't approve of shows interest and react in the most obnoxious and childish way. Eva would react the exact same way, and this is the kind of woman you do not want to deal with.

3/8/2024 11:23:41 pm

Not sure why you're so wrapped up in the author, but I think I see your point on the "type of woman" we're talking about. If you're asking if I want someone as judgmental and abrasive as the person in the Youtube clips you posted, no. That kind of attitude is a serious turn-off for me.

What I meant by "I think most women are this way" is not necessarily that they have the attitude of the woman in those clips, but that practically no woman, personable temperament or not, wants to be asked out by a guy she isn't attracted to.

I certainly have made women uncomfortable by asking them out (indeed, I've made women uncomfortable by saying hello or by accidentally making the same few turns as them in the grocery store). Their level of discomfort informs whether or not my actions were appropriate, not my intent behind my actions or the actions themselves; a woman who is creeped out when I ask her out (or for that matter, accidentally turn up the same grocery store aisle as her) has the right to decide if I have harassed her or not. It cuts back to the old, glib adage: "Men fear rejection, women fear rape and death."

3/9/2024 08:36:58 am

I’ll give an example. I was in a restaurant once that had a very cute woman playing the harp for the patrons. I love classical music, so I stayed and listened to her as long as I thought I could get away with. She finished a set and was grabbing a drink, so I decided to go talk to her.

I walked up and introduced myself and told her that I was really enjoying her playing. She looked up with this deer-in-the-headlights look and began nervously checking around her; her harp was set up in the corner of the room, and I had inadvertently trapped her in that corner. The whole interaction took maybe 20 seconds but I could tell she was extremely uncomfortable; those seconds must have felt like hours to her. I quickly stuck some money in her tip jar and left. Even though I was not intending to make her feel trapped, objectified, and imposed upon, my actions caused her to feel that way; she would have been justified in reporting me to the restaurant management for removal or worse.

Another example: I once took lessons in ballroom dancing at a dance studio (part of me trying to follow the “Get out and do things! Meet people! Put yourself out there! Be interesting!” advice). One night there was a dance party…all the lesson-takers were invited in.

At dances it has generally been the case that women who are married or otherwise partnered up are delighted when I ask them to dance while women who are single keep their distance and decline. It has been like that since early adolescence; the girls who would dance with me had boyfriends, the girls who didn’t would avoid me like the plague.

At this dance party this pattern remained true; women who took lessons with their husbands (especially older women) loved to dance with me, while the younger, single women avoided me. As this was a dance studio, it was expected that everyone would dance most songs and that no one would decline a dance offer. For one song toward the end I was partnerless and so was a younger woman I knew to take lessons with her female friends, not any boyfriend or husband. I didn’t know for sure, but I believed her to be single.

As we were the last two left, I went up and asked her to dance. She got this uncomfortable look on her face and kind of glanced around for her friends, but then accepted. It was a very uncomfortable dance. She was stiff and distant, making it difficult to lead for her, and I tried my best to touch her as little as I could, which is difficult in ballroom dancing. We danced for maybe half the song before she stopped and headed for the punch, leaving me alone on the floor. I felt awful and embarrassed; so, I left.

(That sort of avoidance is typical for me at events with dancing, unfortunately, but it illustrates my point that women are universally unattracted to me throughout my whole life.)

Neither one of these women (harpist, dancer) were rude or abrasive, but neither one wanted my presence near them; in forcing myself into their personal spheres I made them feel highly uncomfortable and embarrassed despite my intentions being merely to try to interact with them in a good-natured, social manner. The harpist in particular would have been justified in reporting me to the restaurant management for harassment, while I should have “read the room” better with the dancer and abandoned the dance long before she did (or even better, just never asked her to begin with…again, I sort of knew better, that was far from the first time that in-partnered women have avoided me at a dance).

That’s what I mean by “most women are like that”…if they don’t want you to approach them, then it is inappropriate to approach them. My actions in both of these anecdotes are thusly inappropriate.

Dan

3/15/2024 05:52:32 pm

AI,

If you're asking why I am so wrapped up in the author, it's because she is a narcissistic asshole who has made people like you feel awful about themselves for doing absolutely nothing wrong.

You have said the most derogatory things about yourself. Listen to yourself. Are you really going to let a weird, arrogant, bloviating, delusional, hypocritical, self-aggrandizing, condescending, loud-mouth asshole like her make you think so little about yourself?

In those two instances, you did not harass those women. The harp player could have been trying to collect her thoughts and she just needed a minute to compose herself from a long-winded, difficult set. You did your best to make a new acquaintance, but you read the situation correctly and you walked away. The young woman at the dance class put herself in an environment where it is expected that people are going to ask other people to dance. She could have said no, or made up an excuse not to accept your invitation as a dance partner, like she was just watching for now, or that she was resting her feet. You did not coerce her to do something against her will.

Nothing you did in these scenarios can ever be constituted as harassment, and anyone who says otherwise is not of sound mind and has a serious inability to put things into proportion. Eva has a serious issue with extrapolating her own negative experiences and irrationally manipulating people into thinking that her perception of reality is always correct. This is the behavior of a narcissist. Just because she has been accosted by men who she did not find attractive does not mean that attempting to converse with a woman automatically meets the criteria for harassment.

Let's change the scenario, and we are now hypothetically in a reality where the onus is on women to approach men. Is a woman who you find unattractive automatically harassing you just because you do not approve of her appearance? If anything, women like Eva would be incensed that you rejected a woman based off of her appearance and consider you an asshole for not wanting to talk to her. If you made an excuse so as not to blame her appearance for not wanting to talk to her--like you were busy, or did not give off a certain energy--Eva would label you as shallow and anti-social.

The unattractive women in this scenario are not harassing you just because you found them unattractive and you did not want to talk to them. You could say that they are annoying you, but you cannot say they are harassing you. If they had persisted in their efforts to get what they wanted from you, whatever that might be, and you made it clear that you did not want to talk to them, then you have grounds for accusing them of harassment.

If you feel that you are insulted by a woman who tries to talk because you find her unattractive, then Eva would say you are a shallow, lookist asshole. She has reprimanded people for rejecting others for their appearance and trying to shoehorn themselves into social groups where they do not match with said groups, physically. She has said that people who rank on the lower end of the physical attractiveness spectrum should not try to match with others who are above them in appearance. You can feel her resentment seethe in these comments, because she has been subjected to rejection and acceptance over her appearance. The thought of men complaining about attractive women rejecting them angers her.

This anger comes from her observing how men reject unattractive women, and she stated that unattractive women are ignored. Eva is terrified of the idea of being ignored, which is why she reacts childishly to anyone who disagrees with her self-assessment that she is "gorgeous." Eva is not ugly, but she is not gorgeous. To aggrandize herself to the extent that she makes such deluded, cringey statements like, "Obviously I am super attractive," shows that she has a serious fear of being seen as unattractive and ignored as a consequence. When she sees men reject women for their appearance, or approach them because of it, it triggers her.

What if these were the thoughts of the women who did not want to talk to you? Did they not want to talk to you because they did not approve of your overall physical attractiveness? What if Eva knew that was the case, would she still place blame on you for making your best effort to socialize and connect with people, or would she think those women are shallow assholes, too?

All of these things that Eva internalizes and projects are her personal problems and are not a justification to make you feel so bad about yourself. Is she truly worth making you feel so awful about yourself?

If you are so turned off by the attitude of Lolo Jones, then why would you give such importance to what Eva says, as they both have nasty, childish, condescending attitudes?

changingthenarrative

3/15/2024 08:18:22 pm

Dan, shut the fuck up already.

Really. It's very obvious you're the type to say everything you can online to portray yourself as something you aren't and twist things into being how they aren't.

You aren't tough. You aren't intelligent or impressive or anything other than a borderline incel hater who frankly acts like the worst stereotype of a catty teenage girl.

All of that tells anybody who actually is any of the many things you pretend to be that you are a fake.

No amount of bluster online and other narcissistic BS will ever change that.

That's right, YOU, not Eva are the narcissist. Even if she were herself a narcissist, it wouldn't change the fact that you're a textbook narcissist.

Get over yourself and shut up already.

Dan

3/16/2024 03:53:59 am

changingthenarrative (Eva's sockpuppet),

Why not just respond to the individual points I made, instead of just using a fake name to threaten me into not making these points. This is a blog in which you opened to the opinions of others. If you can't handle that, block me, or don't say hypocritical shit that warrants a response from opposing viewpoints.

And I am not trying to act tough. I am calling out your flaws the same way you feel the need to call people out for theirs. The fact that you are a throwing stones from a glass house shows that you are a narcissist. You can dish out criticism, but you can't take criticism yourself.

And you need to knock that shit off about how you would destroy me. I never physically threatened you. Any attempt you make to hurt me will not work out for you. Trust.

changingthenarrative

3/18/2024 06:25:19 am

Okay that's enough already.

Dan, I have been fighting my entire life. I am every bit of what I say I am, and I am in fact 250 lbs of pretty much entirely muscle.

You can talk as tough as you want but I have destroyed people way more intimidating than you in fights in my life, and that was back when I was a skinny thing.

If I threatened you, you'd know it.

Stop talking shit you are not about and using it to try to insult or come at others.

It never occurs to you that maybe I'm just not the type to brag or talk explicitly about myself to complete strangers. I'm a simp? I've had women throw themselves at me who would never give you a first let alone second look but I don't mention that because that's disrespectful to them as fellow human beings who just so happen to be attractive.

It's so cute you think I'm Eva. Truth is I just hate bullies like you who disrespect women for no reason and take things places they don't need to go in order to flex online. I also happen to think her advice and perspective is helpful since it's similar to the way I am. And I find her interesting and fun.

You take her way too seriously when she's just a woman with a blog and business she started when she was young. She offers pretty helpful advice based on either her life experiences or things she's studied or talked about with male and female friends or acquaintances, and you respond to her as if she has the reach of CNN or something.

You are not real. You need to stop being an internet bully and go to therapy.

Now I'm done dealing with you and commenting here. Enjoy stalking her obsessively for another decade of your life. That's time very well spent.

Dan

3/19/2024 07:29:12 pm

Why do you think I give a shit about how tall you are, how much you weigh, how you are built, how well you can fight, where you work, or where you come from?

I don't give a shit about you or the women who have thrown themselves at you. And you're right, those women wouldn't look once at me, because I don't hang around in the places these city girls hang around. Where do you find them? Probably in the same places your mother threw herself at your father just to end up in a low-income community where you had it so rough. Not exactly a flex, my guy.

My last comment was not even directed at you. I was talking to AI. Eva has made men like him feel like shit for doing nothing wrong. If Eva has been sexually assaulted, I have empathy for her, but not to the extent that she is justified using her twisted logic to hyper criticize and micro-analyze every aspect of their benign interactions with others.

She has offered no tangible advice outside of cognitive reframing, which is a narcissistic tactic to convince oneself that they are more important and possess superlatives that are either not actual superlatives or an outright exaggeration. She has called herself an Amazonian goddess, while ranking other people on a 1-10 scale. Do you not see how cringy, arrogant and nauseating that is?
If not, and you are still inclined to go out of your way to defend her, then yes, you are a simp.

I guarantee you wouldn't be trying this hard if she were obese. And that is why you are a fuckboy.

Look at how Eva behaves. She acts like Molly Shannon from "Super Star." It's childish and annoying, and just screams "Hey, look at me!" The only guys who tolerate that goofy shit are the average, goofy dorks and desperate older men that hang out at the venues she frequents. I'm sure compared to these people, Eva feels like a goddess.

She also tries to act like she is this huge success story with her business. She is a glorified guidance counselor who helps kids with college applications. This is not original, and is not groundbreaking in her field of study. If anything, she is cashing in on those who are naively contributing to the degree-holder-saturated job market you conservatives love to mock so much. She cannot even afford a mortgage, upkeep, homeowner's insurance, property taxes and HOA fees. Instead, she sleeps in a crusty travel trailer with her dogs, not a partner.

There is something very weird going on with this woman; something very artificial and inauthentic. If fuckboys like you want to kiss her ass, go ahead. But I'm not going to stop supporting those guys like AI for not shoehorning themselves into a pathetic archetype of "masculinity" because dumb apes like you want to feel better about yourselves by assigning a superficial label of "manliness" for having grown up in a rough community.

I will exercise my freedom of speech and speak against Eva whenever I feel like it. She can block me anytime she wants, if she does not like it.

I'm not going to be quiet just because you don't like it.

changingthenarrative

3/20/2024 05:32:43 am

Shut your bitch ass up already, Dan.

You're a fake and a loser in every sense of the word.

Not reading a word of what you said because nothing you say means anything ever. All you do is throw out recycled, lame ass insults at people like the pathetic little turd you are.

And every single usage of slang you did not grow up with is wrong, fuckboy. You have no clue what these terms mean or how to use them correctly because you're yet another fraud from a nice background appropriating shit you didn't live to try to come off as something you'll never be.

And why is that? Because you're just yet another bland, substanceless privileged little dickhead.

Way to show your true colors trying to make women out to be lesser due to where you assume they come from or hang out though. Be real, Danderson. Women from any background don't want you. And believe me when I say you'd try plenty hard with these women. Who were from all different backgrounds and of all different races.

That's yet another reason why you're fucked in the head. You think being nice to a woman and calling out bullies is trying hard. I've never once hit on Eva. She's a random woman online, and you think I'm trying hard. Man that's funny. Especially considering your comments here make it very clear how much of a tryhard you are.

Really that's the whole reason your pathetic ass comes at me in these comments. You're trying to eliminate competition and tear down the person you feel most threatened by. Think for just a second about how sad that is, you little narcissist. This is an online comment section on a random woman's blog.

You're so narcissistic and delusional that you think every other guy is doing what you do or cares about image like you do. You think that little spiel about fighting was to brag? No buddy. It was to remind you that there are plenty of us you don't fuck with in real life.

You're such a lame you insult people and denigrate them over and over and then call it bragging when they tell truths about themselves after like the hundredth time of being lied about.

I see what you're really about and what you really are, bitch boy.

"I don't hang out in the city places you do". Lol yeah I know you don't. That's why you're a fraud when you talk hood and talk tough.

Dan

4/28/2024 04:41:07 pm

@fuckboy

I thought you weren't going to respond to any more of my comments? That is how I know you are Eva--you're so prideful and arrogant, you have to have the last comment, even if it is to post a cringe comment about how you would "destroy" me and how much more of a "man" you are. Why don't you make me shut the fuck up?

Candace Casey link

12/10/2023 09:28:54 am

For all of you men simultaneously speaking of " admiring women" while simultaneously referring to us as " manipulative" I have this to say. I am a complex trauma survivor who lives in a disabled body what some of you idiotically refer to as " manipulation" because you don't navigate through life in a female body is in fact " hypervigilence" I seek to manipulate no one. I just don't automatically trust anyone who is not God himself anymore. Those of us who know what it's like to put all of our trust in a man just to have him break our heart repeatedly know what real " manipulation" looks like. I know that most men are probably not trying to manipulate me but just enough men are that it is an act of self preservation to keep my so called " bitch shield" up.

Highwind

6/16/2024 02:02:43 pm

Lol because you're a stupid fucking woman who got her heart broken by a pos man because you're stupid as fuck. Your fault. Not men's. You chose to reward bad behavior because your pussy got wet.

Eyes of Fire

12/14/2023 07:08:04 pm

The experiences of men who strike out despite decades of trying being dismissed out if had are one reason why I turned my back on romantic involvement with women for good. Another is I never met anyone who's a good fit, which is in large measure due to being in the Autism Spectrum AND Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The few relationships I was in all only harmed me all around, and my marriage left no doubt as to the true nature of many women too. All men have value and worth, no matter what women think of them, me included. It's not men's job to convince women if that fact, if women don't see it then it's on them.

Dave

3/21/2024 08:48:13 pm

You almost lost me when you said "the true nature of"...but then I noticed you said "many women" not "all women", so I'm still with you. I'm glad that having many women break your heart over and over (like they've done to me for decades also, because I'm autistic too) has not caused you to say "the true nature of ALL women". I'm sometimes tempted to say "all women" when I see SO MUCH propaganda the last few years which says that supposedly all women are powerful, intelligent, reasonable and caring, while men are supposedly the opposite...that propaganda makes me want to retaliate. But then I calm down and go back to being reasonable again, and I say "ok, not all women"...but even the good ones will not give me a chance. I regret spend so many decades trying to improve myself so I could become loveable. I should never have tried in the first place, since it's apparently impossible for an autistic man to be loved. But then again, what's the point of life once you become aware that you will never be loveable? So now I just regret being born at all. But I have a daughter with the wife my family made me marry, so I HAVE to keep going...but just a few more decades and I can finally rest. I just have to stop wishing I was loveable and stop wishing I could have been with a woman who is loveable instead of my wife. The problem is that I keep hearing conversations like this one, where people are constantly putting men down, especially putting down autistic men! They say "just TRY to improve" etc, but they don't say HOW. I tried for decades...and I did make improvements, but no matter what I do or what I change, I will NEVER be enough because I'm autistic. So I just have to think quietly to myself "no woman will ever love me and I have to accept that I can't do anything to fix it"...but then I hear people saying "of course you can fix it...just try". Or they say "just follow your instincts and you'll know what to do". And the I remember...oh yeah, these people completely block out the existence of autistic men. It reminds me of how people make jokes about Amish people online because they assume Amish people will never hear what is being said about them. That would probably be true, since they don't use computers. But autistic people DO use computers, in fact much sooner than the average person with neurotypical privilege started using them. I first chatted online in 1996. My point is, they expect that when they tell all men "use your instincts", anyone who does not have instincts (autistic people) will not hear those comments...but we DO. And we understand what you are saying. We understand that you are always excluding us from every bit of advice you ever give, because we DON'T MATTER to you. Your advice is worded as "all humans can do this or that (except for autistic people, because those aren't humans)". And after treating us like we're not humans, you still expect us to have enough self esteem and confidence to be able to follow your hollow advice? Yes, your advice might work for neurotypical men who aren't already trying to improve...but the point is, NOT ALL MEN who fail at relationship are "not trying". Some of us are trying VERY HARD for our entire lives, and it's still not enough to satisfy 95% of women. That leaves 5% of women who might give us a chance...but it's so hard to find which woman that is. Of 20 women, we'd have to try and fail with 19 before finding the 20th (5%), and for someone who's already been beaten down in every aspect of life (not just romance), and constantly told we're not human, each failure causes us to have less and less confidence...and by the time we're about to try the 20th woman, the one who MIGHT give us a chance, we're ready to give up. It's too painful being stomped on that many times. I'm just glad there are 2 other autistic people in these comments who wrote their feelings, so I don't feel completely nonhuman. I just hope autistic people will keep posting on pages like this one, until you neurotypical people finally see us as human and stop telling us to "just try" and other BS. WE ARE TRYING!!

Peter

12/20/2023 04:03:20 am

I’m not sure why I’m commenting, but I guess I am just curious if you respond.

The problem I have with the “if you just believed you could then you would” mantra - and people say this about anything, not just dating - is that it’s essentially an unfalsifiable and unscientific statement. It paints anyone who disagrees with you as defeatist, just not willing to grow and having a bad attitude about things.

But this logic is circular, so the whole situation then is a catch 22. Someone fails because they believe they will fail. And then they believe they will fail because of their past failures. I am more interested in how someone got in this situation in the first place.

I believe what you say is true to a degree. But there are tons of reasons people may succeed or fail in the dating market. And there is some luck involved.

Also I am not sure of the link between creepiness and helplessness, if you are implying some sort of connection there.

I am also skeptical of self-help books. Maybe the ones you linked are actually impactful, but the self-help genre has been around since the early 20th century and I don’t see much reason to believe people are somehow more self-actualized then in the past.

I guess overall I just come away with a feeling of “eh” about this. “Just believe in yourself!” Maybe so, but I could’ve read this in the back of a cereal box. Given how ubiquitously this is said, why don’t people seem to believe it?

Spencer Smith

12/23/2023 06:58:59 pm

lots of out of place and needless insults here. Guess who they're by.

Dan

2/10/2024 05:17:49 pm

Eva has been very insulting and condescending to many people on her blog. It cuts both ways.

Alexander

1/13/2024 06:56:56 am

You're out of touch with the struggle of average men. We are literally economically unable to cocer tye cost of a relationship and women stoll refuse to take on that responsibilty with their boss bitch idealogy. Men cant afford the house, the family or the pet anymore amd even if they could their incentive to strive for those things is non existence since women dont need us anymore. Men are now obsolete in this country.

1/14/2024 05:11:20 pm

Hell, I own a house (and a vehicle) and have pets. That’s not what women want. Most women have that (if not the house then their own rental/lease place). Why would they want something they already have? The standards are beyond “Is a functional adult,” and that’s probably a good thing for society in general. If you’re a guy and you want love and affection, you have to bring something to her life that she doesn’t already have. You have to stand out and be a superlative. Being a baseline, kind, decent, functional adult just doesn’t cut it anymore. You have to be better than anything she has or anything she can get.

For instance, at one point in my life I thought that going around and having little regional adventures, such as my modest lifestyle could support, would make me more interesting and travelled in terms of dating. My OLD profile had a picture of me at the Grand Canyon. I thought it was a good picture. Then a woman described it as “basic middle class white guy OLD starter pack.” What’s exciting about a guy who takes modestly interesting pictures of places that EVERYONE posts pictures of? Grand Canyon? Boring. If I want to stand out, I need a picture of me hiking up to Machu Picchu, or feeding penguins in Antarctica, or swimming in the Alps or something.

Superlatives. Have to be the best at something if you want a chance…because if all you offer is what she already has, it’s not enough. Obsolete indeed.

changingthenarrative

3/15/2024 08:29:09 pm

I mostly agree with your advice but that woman who called you that is every bit as basic for stealing slang from black people and underprivileged communities to make herself come off as something she isn't.

Not enough people understand what a blessing middle class is.

You can be damn sure I'm gonna take pics and share the places I go in the world and the middle class type experiences I have because many where I'm from never get them. Middle class would be amazing.

And I won't hesitate to call out anybody who calls me basic for it.

Kris D

10/1/2024 08:32:26 am

Women: The bar is on the floor, in hell.

Also women: this crap

mike

1/17/2024 06:47:58 pm

Eva, I just want to comment on the primal article: It has many false assumptions thus obscuring the problem. Women are not biologically attracted to men with high self-confidence. They are choosing them for building a family because of their money-bearing capabilities. All-in-all we all aggree that self-confidences is an ad for that capabilities. In primitive societies women didn't choose men with self confidence beceause everyone was equal in these societies. Women choose the healthy-fit males so they could bring fit offsprings to the community. Hence the problem of our days: Incels are growing because western societies used to give women to men that made enough money through their jobs while in recent years men can't bear this burden because of low wages while women don't want to get married and have their own jobs. In the meantime they got the right to be more choosy. They ditched the confident-money bearing dude of the 50s for the handsome tall manly "Chad" of our days. Everyone knows only these guys (the top 20%) get the attention of women who are not desparate for sex. I am not saying we shall return to the 50s. I am just pointing out that genes of primitive societies are taking the revenge on capitalism. That's a problem that cannot be solved unless we give anybody a job with good wage, get over with the institution of Marriage and teach the pretty guys to be more choosy. In that way women will be independent and will think of rejecting their lookalikes for the sake of the chad two times.

Darren

2/10/2024 08:00:19 pm

I have never been rejected romantically because I’ve never asked a woman out. It is clear to me that no date could be worth a potential false sexual harassment accusation. I have asked women friends of mine about this and they say false accusations do happen but that this is an unfortunate price society must pay to stop harassment in general. You say that “[a]t the end of the day, remember that you have nothing to lose,” but as a man, I do stand to lose a LOT if a woman decides to accuse me falsely – you know exactly what I mean. I know you won’t respond to this but under these circumstances a lot of men don’t think dating is worth it – we are not willing to pay for another guy’s bad behaviour so we don’t express interest in any woman at all. What a horribly broken society we live in.

Johnny

4/8/2024 09:33:04 am

I am irked that she refuses to respond despite loudly declaring her opinions on her blog. If she's as confident as she says she is, she'd defend her points without resorting to personal attacks to the commenters, but I've seen that she has no problem calling us incels, losers, failures, despite the fact that she'd never say those things to a female in the same position.

Your post resonates with my own experiences BTW. Just here to say that you are validated and that many, many, MANY women have no problem treating us a scum or with vitriol.

Dan

4/28/2024 06:15:28 pm

@Johnny

In the grand scheme of things, Eva is irrelevant. She is an adult orphan who lives a nomadic, gypsy-like lifestyle of escapism to avoid the monotony of contributing to a mortgage with a partner; neither of which she can afford or maintain. Instead, she lives in a delusional, mundane world where she passes time driving on the interstate, sleeping in a rusted out camper trailer, and taking cringe pictures of herself at boring landmarks with a cringey, shit-eating grin on her dull, oblong face. And for what? To post it on her IG, as if riding her bicycle in the woods makes her such an exceptional person.

What does she have in her life? Both of her parents are dead. She does not have a family to grow old with, and likely never will. And she is so psychologically damaged by her past sexual assault that she spends her down time writing cringey, snarky, contradictory articles that demonizes men's sexuality and obsessively makes anti-trans comments on Quora to purge her anger.

She is so obnoxiously arrogant, grandiose and delusional that she has somehow convinced herself that she is "gorgeous" but she does not post pictures of her equally "gorgeous" boyfriend, despite having a braggart, blowhard personality to show off every chance she gets. And the men who are in her social sphere are either the older men she plays improv gigs with at hideaway dive bars, or equally average-looking goofy dorks, like her. That is her league: average. She is not "gorgeous." She is not "amazing." She is average.

She actually has criticized women on her blog. Read her snarky, abrasive response to Penny in this post:

http://www.thehappytalent.com/blog/how-pretty-women-deal-with-constant-stares

She says that beauty bias is real and beautiful women have advantages. This is why she insists that she is "gorgeous." She knows that if she were to gain weight, or lose her "super model" body, then the attention she gets from the average dorks in her sphere would likely go away. She doesn't actually like these men, only the attention they give her. Does she actually think these guys would actually accept her for her weird, annoying personality if she were the fat girl?

She knows they wouldn't, and that is why she shows so much contempt for guys who complain about women not being attracted to them. She has seen how men treat overweight, unattractive women, and deep down it makes her angry knowing that her highest currency is her appearance to successfully navigate and manipulate social situations, while average-looking men ignore women in their league.

She really isn't someone of significance. She is actually more harmful than useful, as she makes men like AI feel like they are bad people for wanting to interact with women.

Cue Eva's cringey sockpuppet (changingthenarrative/Michelle/Zane) response in 3...2...1...

Dave

3/21/2024 09:03:46 pm

Eva, reading your original post, I got the feeling that you just completely overlook the existence of autistic people or assume that we will never read your post. Most people do that when giving advice, so I wouldn't judge you as heartless towards autistic people because of that. But then Michelle was extremely heartless and judgemental towards someone who she KNOWS is autistic, and you said "That is a great diagnosis and advice."
Maybe you didn't believe him that he's autistic? or maybe you only read her reply without reading his message? If so, then I still won't assume you're as horrible and heartless as Michelle. But I'd like to know...DID you see the part where he said he's autistic? DO you believe him? If so, then I guess you actually are as bad as Michelle, and I just lost all respect I first had for you when reading your original post...enjoy your neurotypical privilege and your lack of a heart or conscience.

Dave

3/21/2024 10:04:00 pm

"If you don't think you can approach a woman without creeping her out, then FIX IT."

"I don't believe that you ARE helpless. I believe that you FEEL helpless, and that is what is so repulsive to women. We're kind of experts at detecting helplessness"

These parts of your post, and the words that were in between them, show your neurotypical privilege more than anything else you said.

That entire section makes a lot of assumptions! First you assume that whatever is creeping those women out is someone that can be fixed, and that it can be fixed by "just trying". Autism can't be fixed. We can do our best to learn what exactly to do or not do, and keep practicing until we get better at MASKING, but no matter how many years we practice, neurotypical people still have that superpower where they can (or at least think they can) read other people's minds just by watching their face and body language. That superpower seems to be pretty accurate when you're talking with another neurotypical person...but your superpower is WRONG when you try to use it on an autistic person. For example. if a "normal person", as you would say, avoids eye contact, you assume they are trying to trick you or they feel guilty about something...but your assumption would be incorrect if you were talking to an autistic person. We keep looking away because prolonged eye contact makes us uncomfortable...partly because we know you are trying to judge us by looking at us, and we know you're going to think badly of us no matter what, because your superpower gives false positives when you use it on US.
Once someone gets to know us and they stop judging us and accept us as a human being, then we become more comfortable with prolonged eye contact. I used to keep eye contact with my ex for many minutes, because I was very deeply in love with her. But even after 3 years with her, it's still hard for me to maintain eye contact with other people. She actually made me like myself. She treated me like a human being and made me feel like I mattered. It was the only time in my life I was happy. I was super happy with her. But after 3 years, she left me and married someone else. Finally someone gave me a chance, and I developed confidence and self-esteem, and STILL I couldn't keep her. That caused my confidence and self-esteem to go even lower than it was before I met her, because it was now confirmed that even if someone gives me a chance for 3 years, and I'm treating her very well, I'll still fail to keep her happy, because I'm autistic. It wasn't from "lack of trying". I gave her 100%! It wasn't just "trying really hard for fear of failure"...I LOVED giving her 100% of my heart because she deserved it. She acknowledged that I was very loving and caring. But I still wasn't enough because I'm autistic. So when you say "just fix it"...HOW? Get a knife and cut the autism out of my brain??

Your next incorrect assumption was that when a woman finds a man creepy, it's supposedly ALWAYS because he's "making an unsolicited comment about her body or violating her personal space"..."leering creepily at her" or "groping her".

Even an autistic guy KNOWS that if he's groping her, she's going to be upset. Most of the guys who complain about women finding them creepy are complaining about being found creepy when they are NOT doing those things you listed. Some of them might have accidentally "violated" her space by standing too close, but that's often done by accident because they don't KNOW specifically how many inches you consider her personal space to be. Maybe it's 12 inches? 24? 72? And I assume it would be a different number for each woman, right? Some people are just close talkers, even if they're talking to their own gender...they don't KNOW they're making the other person uncomfortable. But yes, it is good advice to give them, telling them to stand back a little further. But the point is, you worded it like as if you are assuming he is standing VERY close and KNOWS it's too close but doesn't care. If a person was bothering someone and KNEW it and didn't CARE, it wouldn't make any sense for them to complain when they got a negative reaction. So you should stop assuming they're doing things that are OBVIOUSLY going to make a woman uncomfortable. Also, women will find a particular guy creepy WITHOUT doing any of the things you just said. He just has to have one thing about the way he looks that she dislikes, and just the fact that he's looking at her AT ALL causes her to find him "creepy"...but that creepiness is all in HER MIND. He did nothing wrong.
I'm not saying each case of a man being found creepy is like that...with him doing nothing wrong. Many times it is...and many times it isn't. That's the problem with people like you and Michelle...too extreme in your assumptions. You need to find balance in your thinking, not be extremists. That's why if I'm giving someone advice, I don't say things like "they find you creepy? then stop saying sexual things to

Dave

3/21/2024 10:06:02 pm

(the rest of my post was truncated. here's the rest...)

That's why if I'm giving someone advice, I don't say things like "they find you creepy? then stop saying sexual things to her", when I haven't seen the particular event in person, and nothing has been said to give me any reason to unfairly assume that's what he did. If you are making those assumptions, that shows your prejudice against men. Racism and sexism are not signs of a balanced reasonable person...and yes, sexism is bad even when it's against men...don't believe tv when it tells you it's good.

And in that part of your post that's full of neurotypical privilege, is this final comment "I don't believe that you ARE helpless. I believe that you FEEL helpless, and that is what is so repulsive to women. We're kind of experts at detecting helplessness"

Autistic people feel helpless because sometimes we ARE. Imagine if someone in a wheelchair was struggling to get into a building with a door that keeps slamming on them, because nobody bothered to set up the door to accommodate people in wheelchairs. So the person in the wheelchair asks someone to please hold the door just for a moment, until they can get through...and someone says "I don't believe you are helpless. I believe that you FEEL helpless, and that is repulsive...THAT is the reason everyone here is despising you right now". Would you be agreeing with that person? It's true that people in wheelchairs can work hard to find ways to get around their problem to accomplish things you wouldn't first expect them to be able to do alone, like competing in sports...but some of them do... so does that mean you should automatically spit on any person in a wheelchair who ever complains about their limitations? Should you tell them they're repulsive?
Autistic people are treated as nonhuman from age 5 or earlier, when they start school...possibly even sooner if they have 2 older siblings. So they start immediately with low self esteem. They can SEE they are different than others, and constantly told they are not CAPABLE of doing what others can do. So they grow up very slowly...probably reaching their 30s before they even feel like they're an adult. And from what I've been able to eventually figure out about life with no help, it seems like having a bf/gf is a necessary step in becoming an adult If you're 30 and haven't even had your first kiss, and never laid down together and held someone, never talked with someone about what you'd both like to do in your lives together...it makes it very hard to progress as an adult. Maybe your neurotypical people could become fully mature adults by age 18 without any of that, somehow, but it's EXTREMELY hard to make any progress while autistic, until you finally get your first relationship. That's when you finally START to feel like an adult. That's when you start to experience deeper thoughts and feelings that you had no idea about before. Maybe you neuros already know all of that even while completely alone because it's preprogrammed into your lucky brains at birth, but it's not like that for us. We have to LEARN, and it's very hard to learn without experience. And how can you get experience if everyone around you is looking down on you and won't let you take even the most basic first steps? And each year that you get older without those basic steps, it gets harder and harder, because people SEE your age, and they find it more and more pathetic that you're so inexperience, so they look down on you MORE each year, and you're aware of that. And with all that judgement from every neurotypical person around you since age 5 or earlier, you develop social anxiety disorder...unable to feel good about yourself until someone else does. But like you said, neurotypical women have that superpower that lets them read minds by watching faces and body language. And since we have NO CLUE what we're doing wrong with our faces or bodies, and people refuse to TELL US by just replying "just relax and use your instincts" when we don't HAVE neurotypical instincts, we get more and more self-conscience and our confidence goes down and down.
The biggest problem with being autistic isn't our lack of your superpowers of knowing things without being taught...the biggest problem is the arrogant judgemental demeaning attitude of people with your Instinct Privilege. You shit on us nonstop every day of our lives, even when you first appear to be a caring person who just wants to give helpful advice. Even if that wasn't your intention with this part of your post, that is the effect you are having on any autistic person who reads it. You people need to start including us in your advice and stop overlooking us like we're not human!

Dave

3/21/2024 10:49:43 pm

I feel like posting an article myself now, titled "To all the hundreds of women who say 'that man is creepy'...Here's what you're doing wrong"

...and the answer will be...

If he didn't actually say or do anything sexual, then you are the problem because you are being too judgemental. Treat him like a person and get to know him. If something about him is making you uncomfortable, and he couldn't KNOW, then tell him! There's no need for mind reading or mind games. Just be direct and honest, without being unnecessarily rude.

For example, if what's bothering you that he's too close, say "could you please back away a little, and then we can talk more".

If you dislike something about his body language, maybe he doesn't KNOW whatever he's doing is bothering you, so you should tell him...in a polite way. He can't read your mind, even if he's neurotypical.

If you dislike that he can't read your mind, then stop having unreasonable expectations.

If the problem is that he keeps "leering" at your body, ask him to please stop staring at your body. If you're wearing a sexy outfit that is purposely designed to make people LOOK, then he might assume you're happy that's looking. You can fix the misunderstanding by tell him that you don't like it. If he's a reasonable person, he'll say "oh sorry. I didn't know you don't like it. I won't look anymore" and then you can continue the conversation while he avoids looking. If you can't have a conversation with someone who's respecting your wishes because you still REMEMBER him looking, then you obviously have an issue with being looked at that way, so you shouldn't purposely dress in a way that is designed to cause a reaction. No, I'm not "slut shaming". I'm just being logical. If you do something designed to cause a certain reaction, don't be upset if you get that reaction. If you didn't want ANYONE to look at your cleavage for example, not even a handsome guy, then don't wear something that shows it a LOT. Maybe wear something that shows it a LITTLE, but if it shows a LOT, then it's ridiculous to expect nobody to look at all.

Another tip...if what you find "creepy" about him is that he's not handsome enough or tall enough or rich enough, then you have an incorrect definition of "creepy". What you really mean is "not attractive". I'm not saying that's always what you found creepy, I'm just saying IF it is, then you're wrong to call him creepy just for talking to you...unless of course he does something ACTUALLY creepy, like leering, or saying sexual things when you haven't shown any indication of liking it.

And finally, if what you find "creepy" is that he doesn't behave in a neurotypical way...then the problem is you...you are an ableist bigot...or just ignorant about our existence. You should educate yourself about autistic people, just as you are educated about LGBTQ+ in school. Hopefully it will become common to educate students about neurodiversity some day, so the world can be more inclusive. But right now, there seems to be zero effort being made because people still don't see us. LGBTQ+ people have MUCH MUCH MUCH more visibility and caring for their issues. Can you give us a little visibility and caring too?

mark

3/21/2024 10:51:30 pm

Why don't you just go fuck yourself?

Dave

3/21/2024 10:59:11 pm

Mark, who are you saying that to?

idiot 5678866554

4/5/2024 04:07:36 am

people who write these have no clue of the real struggle, they should be punished

Johnny

4/8/2024 09:26:28 am

After reading quite a few of your articles, it's quite clear that you desire to blame lonely, single men and attribute our inability to attract women to "faults" rather than even entertain the possibility that women inherently treat us like scum and subhumans. You've claimed to understand the man's perspective despite being an "attractive" woman (not at all egotistical), how narcissistic. You've not lived the life of a below average-looking man, you have no idea what it's like to be yelled at and jeered at just for existing in proximity to an average-looking woman - again, I stress that this is just existing, not even interacting with them. I've been cussed at for merely standing at a bar, despite not saying a word to or looking at the woman. I've been called a creep for saying "hi" to a woman in a club. These are social environments meant to stimulate interaction and involvement, however, they are only open to top 20% men and females, not average men.

It's disingenuous to assign blame and fault to us without ever taking a look at how females contribute negatively to the problem, or dismissing females' faults, or excusing their faults because of sExIsM. I find it ironic how you claim to be anti-woke yet you continually make excuses for females' poor behavior, shallowness, narcissism, rudeness, and overall hedonism and selfishness when it comes to mate selection and interaction with men. You claim to want to "help" us yet always use a snarky, condescending tone, emanating an aura of superiority (coupled by the fact that you insist we take responsibility for faults we've not committed, yet you yourself never seem to admit fault or take responsibility yourself). We, the rejected men, growing in plurality, see through the veneer and know that you only use this to declare your sense of self-worth over us to satiate your precious ego - all while blaming men for doing so. Quite hypocritical.

Further, your continued assertions that treating women with "respect" and "as humans" only further serves to illustrate how out of touch you are with the rejected man's experience. I've constantly been told by women who actually know me how respectful, considerate, kind, and honest I am. Not once has it led to any romantic interactions or possibilities. Even my own sister, who I'm close with, absolutely refuses to even have me meet her single friends under romantic pretenses, because she knows that while I'll treat her with dignity and respect, I'm still too ugly for them. I've come to accept this as time has passed.

I've learned to fill the void with porn and now escorts. It's funny, though I know the latter is only transactional, the very first woman I saw again complimented me on how considerate and respectful I was. It's why, more than the sex, that I'm eager to see her once again, because SHE treated me as a human being - and she was also willing to call out bitchy women who accuse normal, good, respectful men of creepiness where it isn't warranted.

Johnny

4/8/2024 09:37:31 am

(cont'd)

"Can you honestly not start a conversation with a woman without making an unsolicited comment about her body or violating her personal space?"

Yes

"Can you honestly not just talk to her about the latest space launch, Bulls game, or whatever interests you, without leering creepily at her?"

Indeed I can

"Can you honestly not show interest in what another person is saying and ask good follow-up questions without, like, groping her?"

Yup

Didn't work. Has never worked. The women who falsely accused me, mocked me, and cussed me out still went for the Chads who DIDN'T do any of the things above and still got sex and relationships.

Jake

5/9/2024 02:39:49 pm

What a load of bollocks this article is, there are so many men and women in this life that fall victim to never having a relationship or sexual interaction with people, because of how they act or look. But they can change that you say, no way.

Some people’s trauma and experiences get in the way, others disabilities, others life choices. There are so many contributing factors, but the main key here is your suggestion that it is only down to men that they can’t get women.

In actual fact the double standards and entitlement of women these days is massively to blame, holding them themselves out for a fairly tale guy or dream that they see on social media. Not giving nice genuine guys the time of day cuz they don’t look to act the part, it’s pathetic.

Again guys struggling with depression and trauma are labelled unstable and unattractive for showing signs of emotion, another thing women deep down hate, despite making out they care about men’s mental health.

They won’t give a guy a chance unless he ticks so many boxes straight away, it’s ridiculous, just because he’s nice or talks a certain way, doesn’t have muscles, smokes, drinks, not popular enough. So many reasons that for one reason or another women don’t see as attractive, that cannot be changed in some people.

Ridiculous to say you can change you just don’t want to, get out do your depression, don’t take SSRIS because it can affect sexual function. Imagine a guy with no legs and one arm, blown up in a war zone, unable to get any women cuz his face is burnt and he isn’t a potential protective Man. He can just change it right? Grow to legs, get a skin graft, get a new Penis?

Come off it, some guys are just not able to attract women no matter how hard they try and time and time again, that is because most women and what they deem worthy is the same as the others.

Women maybe, just maybe? Should work on being more open minded and less judgmental, sorry sorry you call it settling don’t you. You know that word that basically means most men, because you have a mental imagine of what you deserve in a man 😂, which most of the time is impossible

Serge

5/23/2024 08:30:18 pm

Hi Eva, I just wanted to let you know that this post that you made, is the most disgustingly vile and condescendingly repulsive thing devoid of any human empathy I have ever heard anybody spew in my entire 35 years of existence.

Please do not just men, but the whole world a sincere favor and opt out of existence at the earliest given opportunity love.

I pray for the day of your most dire need comes soon and falls on deaf ears as terror grips your soul and rots it away while those around who could help you give you live laugh love advice.

Sending lots of heart shaped fingers your way.

Voice of Reason

6/16/2024 03:05:35 am

All I see is people projecting their frustrations and insecurities onto one another and this (inevitably) has turned into a hate cesspool. So I’m going to try my best to NOT do that.

Ladies first. I’m going to cut right to the chase. The grievances of every single man here could be summed up in two words. LOOKS. MATTER. They’re not everything. But they matter. A LOT.

This might be a shocker to the women in the comments section, especially Eva, but maybe consider that a lot of men actually DO listen to your advice. A lot of men DO try to respect women’s autonomy and right to their own bodies. A lot of men DON’T come onto women like creepy perverts. A lot of men DO try to express interest in women’s feelings and desires and try to get to know them as human beings. A lot of men DO invest the time and effort in establishing a real human connection instead of just trying to get their dicks wet.

But here’s the problem, ladies. That means fuck all if she’s not attracted to him. And by attracted to him, I mean sexually attracted to him. And by sexually attracted to him, I mean genuinely wants to fuck him.

This is not a regurgitating of some stupid redpill incel ideology. Any idiot knows that most human beings desire a partner they’re physically attracted to. It’s not rocket science. The problem comes when women either deny or downplay how much looks matter when it comes to mating. Or when they deny that looks are (to an extent I admit) pretty objective.

So what ends up happening is that men will try to get to know a woman, try to put the sexual aspect aside and let a real bond develop. All the while, she doesn’t want to date him, has never wanted to date him, and she knows he does. She knows from the second he talks to her.

And instead of telling him flat out that she doesn’t want to date him before things go too far, she waits until he musters up the courage to ask her out, and then blames him for only getting to know her so he could have sex with her. Which is not (always) true.

Men don’t withhold their sexuality because they’re being manipulative. They withhold their sexuality because women told them to. Because every woman has screamed in his ear “stop trying to bang every woman you see and get to know her as a human being.”

Now to be fair, there are plenty of women who are honest about the fact that they’re just not attracted to a guy and politely reject him. And I also will acknowledge that a lot of men tend to overreact and get angry and emotional. Some of them even get violent. So I understand that bit of caution on women’s part. And I’ll address the fellas in a second.

So, ladies. It’s no secret that most men struggle with rejection. But it’s not because all of them are terrible people. It’s because women are demonstrably pickier than men are. Why? Because women make babies. Men don’t. Period. And BECAUSE pregnancy is such a long and risky process, women SHOULD be more cautious in who they decide to mate with.

Now I will acknowledge that women are different individuals and desire different behavioral traits. But what NEEDS to be acknowledged here, is that the traits that (straight) women find sexually attractive in men are RARE. Tall, handsome, strong jaw, hunter eyes, big dick, rich, sociable, and is lusted after by lots of women? Yeah. THAT guy. The guy many women SWEAR they don’t want but end up fucking anyway when they get the chance.

This isn’t something you need a Google scholar article to prove. It’s observable in real life. What I mean is that women are attracted to men who are more attractive than they are. I know because I’ve experienced this in my own life. For all women’s declarations about how important a man’s personality and values are, y’all tend to leave out the “and he has to be hot” part.

I don’t know why, and I won’t pretend to. But leaving that part out causes a lot of confusion. And say for arguments sake that women aren’t intentionally lying. When men try to treat a woman well when courting her only for her to reject him only to see her get with an athlete or a jock or a lawyer or a coo who’s better looking than him, it makes a lot of men FEEL lied to.

Now before any woman gets angry and says “that’s only because a lot of men chase the Instagram model or “supermodel anime character type” as Eva put it, let me stop you right there. Most men are not stupid. We know instinctively that leagues exist.

Eva. I read your comment about how you believe every man, no matter how hideously ugly he is, can get dates. That’s only half true. Yes, he can get dates, but only if he’s realistic about who he’s pursuing. But what’s funny is, and I’m not saying you’re guilty of this, but I’ve seen plen

Voice of Reason

6/16/2024 03:20:40 am

….continued… I’ve seen plenty of women not make compromises on their physical standards. So I don’t think it’s fair to tell men to lower their standards when a lot of women refuse to do the same. That’s a double standard. Because there’s no “body acceptance” movement for men.

It’s like this, Eva. Like I said before. Looks matter. And instead of alienating men by telling them to stop being creepy and stop chasing porn fantasies, consider where that’s coming from. Because that’s not helping the problem.

I understand where you’re coming from when you say be confident. But if that confidence is not backed by something tangible like decent or good looks, a sizable income and a good reputation, then it just comes off as delusion. The ugly truth is human beings are shallow creatures.

And before you or any other woman tries to attack me, I’ve seen the difference in my own life. What started getting me results was raising my income, getting a nicer haircut and trimming my beard (I’m caramel skinned African American in case anyone was wondering) and gaining about 35lbs of muscle, and getting dates (which garnered even more female attention) proved a more viable solution than just pursuing someone like me.

Basically, if you’re gonna lecture men, tell them to get in the gym and work on their physical assets. Not just the emotional ones, because that is often what makes a difference in men’s love lives. It damn sure made a difference in mine.

Lasivian

6/21/2024 07:05:47 am

I think the biggest change that we are seeing is that more and more men want to be wanted for who they are. Not who women expect them to be. We have been watching women expect men to desire them regardless of all their faults or flaws, men have every right to want the same. Women have been taught what to expect from men but not how to treat men, while at the same time men are being taught how to treat women, but not what to expect from women.

kaswerte link

6/29/2024 02:45:03 am

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YE7 link

6/29/2024 03:01:08 am

Creating engaging and approachable writing is akin to extending a warm invitation and kindling interest effortlessly.

Ye7 link

6/29/2024 03:05:24 am

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kaswerteye7 link

6/29/2024 03:12:53 am

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S--

7/1/2024 04:55:15 am

The fact that this condescending article by a narcissistic woman is even being published in the first place is a problem within itself.

Juliet

7/10/2024 03:30:57 am

I’m so happy to win my (Ex) back…….

WIN BACK (EX) AFTER BREAKUP,…

(Ask for help)
Awwww thank you!!!..

So glad to win my (Ex) back……

WIN BACK (EX) AFTER BREAKUP,…

(Reach out for help)

[email protected]

James

7/21/2024 07:55:44 am

Do I worry about showing interest in women / asking them out? No.

Have I stopped doing it? Yes – completely.

To be honest, ‘Me Too” has put a chill on all manner of interactions between males and females — or sometimes between males and anybody. People will quote statistics that only a small number of accusations are false, and then say that we should focus on the larger problem of legitimate accusations. I couldn’t agree more – harassment must stop. What I take profound exception to is the attitude that falsely accused men’s loss of employment the price society should pay to get there. As a person who has worked hard to get to where I am, I’m not willing to even entertain the proposition that I potentially lose my job / livelihood because someone falsely accuses me.

As such, at work these days, I never have private conferences with female co-workers. If they can’t say it to me in a public place — or better yet with another co-worker or a manager present — they can’t tell me. Period.

In social situations. gone are the days I could approach a woman in a public setting, have a conversation with her, express that I find her attractive (as men are constantly being told we must do) and get to know her better over time. Now a man is automatically a criminal if he makes a mistake and asks her out. So I don’t.

Amazingly enough, women have not, from what I can tell, become more likely to approach a male, except perhaps online. So we sit with our devices and we can read articles online about how young people aren’t having enough sex, aren’t forming relationships and so on and so on. And I trace the IP addresses of ladies who approach me online (M.S. in Computer Science good for something!), only to find [literally] 99 percent of them are in Lagos or Accra (Ghana), while they claim they are in Atlanta or New York or Orlando, or wherever in the U.S. (“Send me an Amazon card so I can fix my phone and we can talk about getting together!”).

I’m glad to see more women in law school, in corporate jobs, etc. — but the very fabric of society is broken when a man can’t be alone with a woman for fear of accusations — and yes — can’t even express interest in a conventionally appropriate way for fear of being branded a criminal.

OuitcastSuperstar

7/21/2024 05:23:50 pm

Feminism, aand the whole "MeToo" thing are backfiring on women, bigtime. Because of the risk of false allegations, and expensive lawsuits resulting therefrom, a lot of women are now being barred from C-level suite and higher jobs in the corporate sector. Women are now their own worst enemies.

Men are also walking away and not having anything to do with women anymore. Too much risk, too much rejection and mistreatment, and in case you hadn't gotten the memo yet, the juice ain't worth the squeeze.

OutcastSuperstar

7/21/2024 05:16:56 pm

The thing I'm doing wrong is presenting my ugly face to the world. Ain't nothin' gonna fix that but extensive plastic surgery, LOL.

Milton

8/3/2024 04:38:04 pm

What a woman know about a mans dating struggles? About what it feels like to be completely invisible and undesirable at best and a seen as a danger at worst? Do you know how many mixed signals we get? Women complain about their friends asking them out so you can't potentially date people you already have a rapport with, and you can't ask anyone out because it's creepy. Just because you're a woman doesn't know you have any knowledge of what it's like to try and date one.

Frank

9/15/2024 09:38:37 am

If I see a woman I am attracted to, no matter how strongly I feel, I never say or do anything to draw attention to myself. As an unattractive man, I respectfully leave women alone to go about their day. Isn’t that what guys are supposed to do?

Tony

9/25/2024 05:35:16 am

Sorry, but this article is condescending BS.

Why? I've been living life on my terms for over a decade and not given two hoots about having a relationship. I've a good career, own property, enjoy my hobbies and have great friends and family around me. Six months ago I met a woman I work with who I feel very attracted to not just on physically but for the amazing person I see that she is.

At this point I suddenly realised that all the time I was 'living my best life', not once did any woman ever show any interest in wanting to know me better or see me in a romantic light. I have no evidence that I'm an attractive guy, thus I have no reason to ask my coworker out because there's no proof she would find me a worthwhile prospect. I've tried to befriend and get to know her and there's nothing there except friendliness.

Is that my fault? No. Is that women's fault? No. It's simply a fact that even at our best, some of us guys are simply not seen as prospects by women.

My self-esteem has crashed and burned in the past months as I've realised kids, a family and the comfort of a loving relationship is something I'll never get to experience.

Martin

11/17/2024 12:11:59 am

Useless fucking piece of "advice", you sound like a fucking retard

Lawrence

1/30/2025 06:44:39 am

The fact is, no woman ever even smiles at me. It's fine for people to give advice and friendly encouragement, but they don't comprehend what it is to be a well educated "upstanding" guy with a good job and no bad habits who has never had even one date. For people who get dates with very little effort to tell me that I need to have more confidence, I have to say, you just don't get it. I never ask women out because rejection is always guaranteed in every case – and there is no evidence contrary to this. I'm not angry and don’t blame anyone for this – I’m just sad that I will always be alone no matter what.

Bob

2/2/2025 08:12:05 am

Man it's so unfair. Guys have to jump through so many hoops to find a woman: good looks, great social skills, great humor, overcoming social anxiety, hobbies, be physically attractive, and of course be careful in how they court the girl. Meanwhile girls just have to look attractive and then get their pick of the litter

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3/24/2025 04:18:16 am

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3/24/2025 04:19:40 am

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3/26/2025 10:57:38 pm

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Melony Kleton

4/2/2025 02:47:03 pm

LOVE SPELL TESTIMONY

Thank you so much DOCTOR ODUNGA for making my ex boyfriend come back to me. I am writing this wonderful testimony in respect of this man. He made all my wishes come true. My boyfriend and I dated for more than 3 years and although we had had so many quarrels we never thought of a break up. One day, he called me over the phone telling me how he is tired of the relationship and cannot see anywhere that we are heading to. Months passed and my boyfriend did not contact me anymore and I did not hear from him anymore and his cell phone was disconnected. I knew I needed to seek help because of the love I have for him. I contacted this great spell caster because i have never contacted anyone before and i tell you that after a week of contact, my ex boyfriend called me and asked to see me and the next morning, he wore a ring on my finger. I am very happy because I am soon going to be a married girl with the help of this great spell caster. I promised to manifest your works to everyone and please contact this man to help you

Email: [email protected] OR contact him on WhatsApp +2348167159012.

Shelly Lawrence

4/12/2025 06:02:19 pm

To everyone around this world, I'm telling you all about the great and powerful spellcaster DR UGHULU, the almighty man. My boyfriend left me 6 months ago all because he saw my ex-boyfriend send me a message thinking I was cheating on him, so he left me alone I have begged him and done all I can do yet he hasn't come back I have almost got frustrated all because he left me a day can't go without I didn't think about him because we share our thought together. One day I was browsing on the internet when I saw the great testimonies about DR UGHULU and I went through them and saw his spiritual powerful works, it was fantastic. I made up my mind to send him a message so that he could help me bring my boyfriend back, so luckily he did everything he told me and returned my boyfriend within 24 hours. Now my boyfriend and I are living a good life. DR UGHULU thank you so much, sir. His email:[email protected] Website: https://drughulupowerfulsp.wixsite.com/my-site-ughulu CALL: +1(252) 409-1841 Or write him on whatsapp: +1(720) 794-2516

To all the hundreds of men who say "women will never be attracted to me" - Here's what you're doing wrong.

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