10% of heterosexual daters believe the man should pay for everything. Another 10% want to split everything 50/50, starting with the first date. The other 80% lie somewhere in the middle. Here's how to know who should pay.
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Yesterday, I posted Dear Confused Dude: Here's Why You Didn't Get a Second Date. The post seems to have caused some confusion -- particularly to a vitriolic dude who sometimes goes to the same karaoke place I do.
Todd seemed to think that my post was targeting him (it wasn't), because he seemed to believe that he and I had "kissed," and that I am a "great kisser." But here's my advice to Todd (and all the guys like him): if you had to grab her by the back of the head and force your faces together, it doesn't count as a kiss. It counts as assault. Our lips touched, ever so briefly, before I yelled, "NO!" -- but they only touched because you held me in place and rapidly pushed your face into mine before I knew what was happening. It was not a kiss.
Time is the most precious and irreplaceable thing in life, so I'm going to cut straight to the point:
I judge guys who ask me out for coffee. As a blogger, business owner, content marketing consultant, and creator (ask me about the super cool side-projects I've been working on!), I have very little free time. In spite of being busy, though, I don't let busy-ness consume my life. No matter how much work I've got piled up, I always make time to play basketball or rock climb during the week, and go surfing, whitewater kayaking or backpacking on the weekends. (In fact, the best productivity hack in the whole world is to make weekend plans, and never, ever EVER set a Monday deadline.)
Graduating from college and officially entering adulthood is exciting... but many recent grads are surprised by how much harder it is to make friends outside of school than it was in school. And it's true -- kids make friends way more easily than adults. For a zillion reasons: some you can help, some you can't.
I've spent some time thinking about the best possible way to make more friends -- when you travel, as a child, as an adult. And here are some of my favorites.
***
1. Ask for favors. Research shows that one of the best ways to make someone like you... is to ask them for a favor.
Graduating from college and officially entering adulthood is exciting... but many recent grads are surprised by how much harder it is to make friends outside of school than it was in school. And it's true -- kids make friends way more easily than adults. For a zillion reasons: some you can help, some you can't.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about the best possible way to make more friends -- when you travel, as a child, as an adult. And this is probably THE NUMBER ONE WAY to make new friends as an adult: *** Whether traveling alone or with friends, many people travel to have an authentic cultural experience. And while the idea of talking to and having adventures with lots of strangers can be daunting, making friends when you travel is actually pretty easy. Here's how: 1. Do What You Do At Home While You Travel. You'll have plenty of time to interact with locals when you're buying stuff from them or paying them for a tour. But if you want to make the interaction more authentic, try doing something you're already good at, something you'd do anyway, with them. For me, this often means basketball or volleyball. As I wrote in this post:
This happens to be one of my favorite basketball courts ever.
A while back, I wrote Travel Hack: Do What You Do At Home While You Travel. And now, I offer another wonderful piece of advice:
Do what you do when you travel while you're at home. See, most people think that the voyage of discovery consists of finding new landscapes. When they travel, they open their eyes. When they're someplace familiar, they shut them, and the adventure stops. But here's the truth, in the words of someone much wiser than I am: The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
Translation: Life is only an adventure if you make it one.
I've always been a playful person (it's true what they say: all of psychology research is really psychology me-search), so it's hard for me to understand why so many people will go abroad to have a wonderful adventure. They will put effort into seeing everything and meeting everyone. They'll spend time researching opportunities, sights and activities near them. They'll be spontaneous, excitable and down for anything... And then come home, fall into a routine and tune out. Maybe it's the movies. They set a bad example. In movies, characters, in the course of their normal life, get swept up in a crazy experience that forever changes them. But in real life, having an adventure is a decision that only you can make. This means a lot of things. It means that you should literally keep your eyes peeled -- you could have an unforgettable experience on your way home from your parents' house
A while back, someone on Quora asked,
How do I celebrate my birthday when I am all alone in my life?
Here's my answer:
Take a solo vacation. At 27, the best possible trip you could do is probably a solo one (probably especially if you're traveling while female). You'll meet tons of new people every day -- trust me. (If you're concerned about your social skills and/or ability to meet new people, I'd recommend reading The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism before you go. It'll teach you skills you can use personally and professionally to attract and connect with more people.) If you're afraid of being lonely when you travel alone, don't be! A three-hour friendship with someone you meet while traveling can feel more meaningful than a convenient one you have with coworkers and neighbors.
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my scooter... hop on the back and go to an amazingly beautiful place with me maybe?
Note: See also: Life Hack - Do What You Do While You Travel When You're Home.
I love basketball. It's probably the best sport known to man, and I've spent way too much (or possibly not enough) of my adult life playing it. There were times when I would be at the courts three hours a night, every weeknight. It's just that great.
General convention says that you should open your mind and try new things when you travel. And I agree. But I also think that doing what you do at home while you travel is one of the best ways to make new friends and get involved in new communities. I think this because of basketball.
I happened upon a pickup game in Warsaw once, when I heard balls bouncing in a gymnasium I was passing. So I introduced myself to one of the guys, asked if I could get next, and hopped on. Language barriers didn't matter -- we got sweaty together and had a fun time. We went out for drinks after, and I got into a discussion with one of the men about the Polish word wolność, which means freedom. "There is a phrase in our national anthem, 'Jeszcze Polska nie zginęła / Kiedy my żyjemy,'" he told me. "It means, 'As long as I am alive, Poland is still fighting.' Because wolność is a very important word to us." The eagerness and sincerity in his eyes is something I'll never forget. Who knew I'd come to glimpse something so dear to him... because of basketball? |
About the Author
Eva is a content specialist with a passion for play, travel... and a little bit of girl power. Read more >
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