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"It is a happy talent to know how to play."

Hear The Baby Who’s NOT Screaming On The Airplane? That’s Probably Because Someone Shoved a Boob in Its Mouth.

8/25/2016

5 Comments

 
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I’ve done a lot of traveling this year! From Costa Rica to Panama to Bonaire – and even just the amazingly gorgeous Ithaca, New York -- I’ve been getting on lots of planes.
 
And, by weird coincidence, the exact same thing has happened on the last two flights I was on:
​A mom and her baby were seated within a few rows of me. At some point during the flight, the baby started screaming. But within a minute or two… it stopped! Like magic!
 
But by “magic,” it turns out I mean, “moms doing the most natural thing in the world and breastfeeding their baby.”
 
This might happen on airplanes all the time, and I just don’t know it. I mean, the only reason I noticed the first breastfeeding mom was because I had just gotten up to pee and was walking by her seat when she pulled her shirt ever so slightly to the side.
 
The only reason I noticed the second one was because I happened to be looking at the person in the seat next to her – a four-year-old, who was busily scribbling away on her construction paper (I was all, That’s awesome! I rarely see kids with markers anymore – it’s all about creativity-killing iPads these days!) – when she got her boob out.
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For those who are worried: fear not! I didn’t see any of those horribly offensive nipple things. And even if I had – so what? Like, are you really such a delicate little butterfly that you are triggered by them? Do you have uncontrollable, intrusive thoughts if you accidentally see a quick flash of nonsexual nipple?
 
If not, what’s your issue? Would you really rather listen to the suffering of a child than risk accidentally witnessing a mother nurturing her child? Are your sensitivities really more delicate than your eardrums?
 
Think of it this way: when a mother is breastfeeding on an airplane, literally everyone wins.
 
Now, I understand that some people are (weirdly) against public breastfeeding. And ever since reading Jonathan Haidt’s amazing book, The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Religion and Politics, I’ve been making an extra effort to understand the other side of an argument.
 
So immediately after thinking, “Yes! You go, girl!” at the sight of a breastfeeding mom (I thought about giving her, like, a thumbs up or something – but I thought maybe she’d prefer to just have privacy), I asked myself:
 
Would it bother me if I were in the seat next to her?
​

​Honestly… slightly. Not enough to object – not even close. But still… I felt some minor, gut-level discomfort when imagining that situation. I mean, it’s not like I grew up in a culture where breastfeeding is considered totally normal. It’s not like I’m used to seeing breasts in a nonsexual way. I’m weirdly modest, I don’t really do nudity, and even in locker rooms, I always change in a private stall.
 
But… that didn’t feel like the right explanation.
 
So I dug a little deeper – and, yes. I realized that I (and lots of people) have a general aversion to body fluids. So maybe that's the explanation. Many body fluids (blood, poop, snot, saliva, etc.) carry diseases, and people who didn't feel innately repulsed by them died of contagious infections. Disgust is a powerful emotion that evolved for a reason – but that doesn’t mean it’s always rational. Sometimes, it overextends itself in ways that don’t make logical sense.
 
For example, there’s no way I could possibly get sick because the person next to me is breastfeeding, so discomfort due to breast milk makes no rational sense.
 
Two observations about this thought exercise:

  1. I’m disappointed in myself for even having even a little discomfort about public breastfeeding – but I think it’s important to acknowledge and explore your biases. That’s the only way to get over them.

  2. In the time it took me to write the last three paragraphs and really think about my slight discomfort with something I wanted to be totally comfortable with… my discomfort went away.  Like, seriously – at this point, the only thing that would make me uncomfortable about sitting next to a breastfeeding mom is that I don’t think I know the “etiquette.” Should I say something to acknowledge what’s happening? Should I completely avoid looking at her or saying anything? Is there a “right” way to behave when 17-inch airplane seats thrust you so close to such an intimate moment? (Serious question, folks – I’d love to hear your thoughts on this in the comments!)
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Now, according to The Righteous Mind, the reason I was able to move so quickly from gut/emotional response to logical conclusion… is because I’m WEIRD.
 
Not weird as in “weird” – though I’m sure plenty of people would make that argument.
 
But WEIRD as in, I’m from a Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich and Democratic society. For WEIRD people, it’s much easier to take a step back and examine your intuitive moral reasoning. It's much easier to move from emotional to reasoned and rational.
 
But that doesn’t mean we’re not all capable.
 
So what’s the takeaway, here?
 
If you’re someone who has an objection to public breastfeeding, ask yourself why. Really think about it. “It’s gross” isn’t a good reason. Neither is, “I don’t want to see that.” WHY do you feel that way – especially considering that not a single person is harmed when a mother breastfeeds, and many people will be harmed or inconvenienced if she doesn’t.

If you’re someone who’s breastfed, I’d love it if you could take a moment to share some of your thoughts/experiences to help people like me know how to be supportive and respectful when you do your thing.
 
And if you’re someone who’s not sure why this discussion is important, watch this video ASAP: 
5 Comments
Sam
11/21/2016 05:41:51 pm

Hey Eva!

It's been fun to read your blog. Hope you've been well! I wanted to comment as this post is very relevant to me right now as I'm breastfeeding my 3 month old son. Before I had him I always got awkward around breastfeeding even though I knew I planned to do it. I think it's just so not a normal part of our society we feel awkward. Growing up my mom didn't breastfeed and I never saw anyone else do it either. Now that I'm doing it though, it feels totally normal and I don't feel awkward about it at all, generally. As far as others feeling awkward around me as I do it, I understand that, having been in their position. As long as no one does or says anything inappropriate, I think we're all good. As to your question about how you should act sitting next to a breastfeeding mom, I think just act how you normally would. I would be fine with someone asking me questions if they were genuinely interested. The only thing would be to not stare at the boob, , which should seem obvious (and is usually what makes others awkward). Overall, it's a shame that society has made breast so sexualized that people feel offended when they are used for natures intended purposes, but I understand. As long as someone who feels awkward doesn't shame the mother doing it, we should all be able to get along.

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Michael Chavez
4/6/2017 06:46:46 pm

Very interesting article! I like a lot of your posts, especially the relationship ones.

I saw that video on facebook and thought it was real. Then I watched a reaction to it and changed my mind. All the bystanders seem so fake. But SOME people do say things like that in real life.

Still probably fake, made by a confirmed faker.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHHzQ8VPtAs Here's the reaction/review by Ethan and Hila

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7AmS0rawTY Here's a video, also by Ethan and Hila, reaction to Joey Salad's video where black BLACK LIVES MATTER "supporters" DESTROY a car just BECAUSE it has a "Vote Trump" sticker on it..

The BLM video is clearly shown to be fake in the second video..

Anyway, I hope you read this, and watch the videos. They are FUNNY and relevant.

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Michael Chavez
4/6/2017 06:47:49 pm

For the first link, skip to 4:00.

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Eva Glasrud link
4/9/2017 04:04:39 pm

Thanks for sharing those videos -- they were funny! It looks like Joey Salads might not be the most reliable source of truth... but I agree that, although the videos may not be real, people DO say things like that sometimes. I've seen lots of news stories about mothers who were kicked out of stores (including a Victorias Secret store), restaurants, and, yes, airplanes. Airplanes! Which is why I thought this article was worth writing. When you're on a plane -- trust me! You want boobs in all the babies' mouths. :P

Heather Monti
3/8/2018 09:29:03 pm

Hey Eva,

I love this post! I remember when my kids were babies, I dreaded flying with them because I've seen the dirty looks (Oh great, a baby on the plane!). And worse, I was constantly worried I'd catch grief for breastfeeding in public--but nursing was always the surefire way to keep my babies quiet. Having a baby shouldn't mean moms are stuck at home!

As for the person in the seat next to me, I'm pretty hard to offend. As long as no one touched me or made rude comments, I was fine. I would have been happy to have a conversation about breastfeeding if someone had questions. I'm sure some moms just want to be left alone, but I think even just a friendly smile goes a long way toward letting her know you're not going to bitch about the boob.

Thanks for writing this post. I wish more people would think critically about why public breastfeeding bothers them so much.

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    Eva is a content specialist with a passion for play, travel... and a little bit of girl power.  Read more >


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