The Happy Talent
  • Blog
  • About
  • Popular
  • Education
  • Social Science
  • Travel
  • Products
  • Contact
"It is a happy talent to know how to play."

How to Be Happy, Even When You’re Programmed Not to Be

8/31/2015

3 Comments

 
Today marks a Happy Talent milestone -- my first guest post! James Emry is the CEO and Founder of The Best Practice Life and bestselling author of Positive-ly Uncertain: Learn the New Hack to Hit the Happiness Jackpot. Today, he shares some important thoughts and research on the instinct for idleness. 

***
Picture
If you could list off the things that have brought the most satisfaction and happiness into your life, what would your list include? Your great accomplishments? Your relationships with friends, family or your current partner? Your hobby which helps you feel competent, skilled, and full of worth?

Well, your list may very well include all of these things, but, unfortunately for us humans, we are predisposed to do something that puts everything on our lists in jeopardy.  

Many people can’t put their finger on exactly what it is, because it is a non-conscious process. Worse yet, it’s a non-conscious process that most would be reluctant to come to terms with...
And that’s why it’s so dangerous! If we can’t or won’t put our finger on the issue we will never be able to conquer it and hold onto all those sensational things that give our lives so much value. But the thing is, putting your finger on it is oh so painful.

It’s like you’re applying pressure to a wound -- it confronts something that will make you squirm. You’d almost rather not feel the pain at all, but you know it’s for the best, for your own good.

And that’s just how you must look at what I am about to say to you. It’s not an insult; it’s an instruction to put pressure on a wound that we all carry, and research shows that applying the necessary pressure will help you remarkably in the end.

You must confront the fact that you are lazy.

You’d prefer not to do anything once you get home from work except sit on your ass and settle into the life laid out before you because you’ve gotten comfortable.

You’re done struggling for scraps, you finally feel established in life -- and it feels good, doesn’t it? You can lounge and enjoy your house or apartment because you earned it, you deserve to relax and it comes so naturally to you. But is that really why you have worked so hard: to gain the ability to be completely idle?

Picture
Well wake the hell up because you could have more. You know that, don’t you? More happiness, more fulfillment, better relationships… But you’re lazy.

“Wow, this article sucks… just some guilt trip motivational jump-start.”

Okay fine, if that was too harsh for you let me rephrase: you’re not lazy, we’re all lazy. In fact, you and I were hardwired to conserve energy in this way because that’s what was needed thousands and thousands of years ago.

Do you think your ancestors long ago played recreational sports? When they were done running miles on end to hunt down food, do you suppose they started a kickball league?
Picture
Everything was for fight, for flight, for food or for sex. Those were the times to expend energy, so we developed an “instinct for idleness.” There was significant evolutionary pressure, because idleness was useful for survival, and we passed this instinct on. [To discover how the evolutionary process has affected our ability to find lasting happiness in other ways -- and to learn the surefire way to automate more satisfaction into your own life -- check out my bestselling book “Positive-ly Uncertain” here. Or grab my upcoming book on body language FREE here until September 6th, when it goes on sale for $14.99]

No reward or expectation = no movement

Ok, so it’s not all your fault, and maybe you can find some comfort in that. But you really shouldn’t... You should realize that there are people that do keep up with their set goals and there are people that do make an active effort to maintain their relationships or hobbies. How do they do all these things if we are essentially hardwired for complacency?

Well, it’s true that you can’t destroy your instinct for idleness -- it will always be looming over you -- but you can overcome it so simply that you have no excuse to let it cripple you, as it often does.
How simply are we talking?

Studies have shown that when we are induced to start a task with just a small piece of candy, we start the task promptly and are far happier than those who sat by idly, doing nothing.

You see, we don’t need this “instinct for idleness” anymore. We have excess energy resources available at our fingertips (literally, you can now text Dominoes and have a pizza at your door in 30 minutes).

Currently, this instinct only serves to hold us back. We are no longer so short-sighted, focused only on survival. Instead we focus on long-term goals and our ability to thrive. This instinct for idleness is at odds with our true desires. We are paralyzed into doing nothing or performing the bare minimum, when the reality is that pushing for more and keeping ourselves busy is crucial to having a happier life.
What can you do today to triumph over your instinct?

Take charge, damn it! Your idleness is something you must be proactive about, or it will creep into your life and you will settle for less because that’s what you're born to do. You will tell yourself it’s what you wanted all along, even though we now know you would be happier with a meaningful objective.

Make obligations and become accountable to others. This is the easiest way to ensure you stick to those fulfilling activities that truly make your time valuable. Whether it be an obligation to meet up with friends for a weekly get-together or arrive to the gym on time to workout with a partner or trainer, making others rely on you is a powerful way to avoid idleness. Bonus points: having a social group that looks after you or cares about your attendance is a huge factor in increasing your overall life satisfaction.

Become accountable to yourself. This one is a little trickier, but really owning it can make you an unstoppable force. You can’t always rely on other people to help you or even care about your endeavor. If you build something into your routine, and it becomes a part of you, you will find that your inaction will feel like self-betrayal; talk about a miracle motivator! This is something that is definitely worthwhile to develop because mastery of yourself in this way will make no victory seem too far fetched.

You may not like being called lazy. I know I don’t. So do something about it! Don’t let your outdated brain imprison you and blind you to what true happiness looks like. You can overcome it, and you can do so starting today -- you really can. Take the accountability steps above, and better yet, leave a comment below TELLING us what you’re GOING to do within the week.

It doesn’t have to be inspirational, just something you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t “gotten around to.” And say it with some damn conviction, because if you can’t make me believe you’ll stick to it, then I hardly believe you can stick to it on your own terms.

Go out and get your victory! It only takes one step to get started.
Picture
Stand Up Paddle
3 Comments
Zach
9/3/2015 05:41:08 am

I've been meaning to join the the rugby club at my school since I heard they had one freshman year. I'm a junior now and have been putting it off for absolutely no reason. After I get home from class it's like impossible to leave. I really am just being lazy if I'm honest. So thats what I'll do this next week. I'm joining the rugby club and I'm done giving myself wiggle room. That's that. Great article for a kick in the ass by the way

Reply
Dude
5/26/2023 02:36:45 am

Who says we shouldn't be idle? Haven't you ever heard the phrase: Live and let live?

Your kind of attitude berating people for not being Iron Man-level proactive comes across as controlling and elitist, the same kind of mentality that abusive employers used to shame people into overworking and burn themselves out for no other reason than being told to.

If we had no downtime to slow down and appreciate whats around us or in our own heads, we'd never be able to think long or peaceful enough to decide what we truly want or what makes us happy. If people want to be lazy, that's cool. If you want to run marathons and climb mountains, that's cool too. Just chill out. No matter what you do in life, it's not going to matter in the grand scheme of things, we all die in the end, and it doesn't matter how we get there as long as we don't step on each other's toes.

So just lay back, relax, and enjoy the ride. :)

Reply
Eva Glasrud link
5/26/2023 09:03:24 am

So typically, the way it works is, someone who wants to learn how to be happy or someone who wants to learn to be more active and less idle is who would be reading this post. Typically, people come to these articles and read them because THEY have decided that THEY want help changing something in their life.

You're here hate reading, which is why you're inclined to see it as "controlling" and "elitist" that I would provide advice to people who want to be more active.

Remember: YOU have come to MY blog and read countless of MY articles on YOUR own time. I did not knock on your door and force my way into your home and shove this down your throat.

If you want to be peaceful and idle, then by all means, do it! Different people have different ideal emotional states.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    About the Author
    Picture
    Eva is a content specialist with a passion for play, travel... and a little bit of girl power.  Read more >


    Want to support The Happy Talent? CLICK HERE!
    Support the Happy Talent
    Or Find me on Patreon!
    Picture

    What's Popular on The Happy Talent:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

      Want more?

    Submit

    Trending in Dating and Relationships:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture



    ​What's Popular in Science:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture


    Playfulness and Leisure Skills:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Popular in Psychology and Social Skills:
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Categories

    All
    20s
    Adolescence
    Backpacking
    Boredom
    Boredom Avoidance
    Camping
    Career Advice
    Careers
    Communication
    Confidence
    Consent
    Creativity
    Curiosity
    Dating
    Economy
    Education
    Entrepreneurship
    Fearlessness
    Female Travel
    Feminism
    Free Speech
    Gap Year
    Great Products
    Growth Mindset
    Health
    Hiking
    Hitchhiking
    Life Advice
    Meeting New People
    Mental Health
    Mexico
    Mindfulness
    Most Popular
    National Parks
    Outdoors
    Parenting
    Parenting Advice
    Passive Entertainment
    Play
    Playfulness
    Psychology
    Relationships
    Resilience
    Science
    Scuba Diving
    Self Help
    Self-help
    Sex
    Sports
    Stanford University
    Startups
    Study Abroad
    Summer
    Technology
    Teenagers
    Therapy
    Travel
    Yosemite

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
Photos from paweesit, Steven Penton, torbakhopper, Theo Crazzolara, edenpictures, Kiwi Tom, Wrangell-St. Elias National Park, Homedust, wocintechchat.com, Ralphman, wbaiv, kg.abhi, Jamiecat *, UnitedWarVeterans, D()MENICK, True Portraits, Neville Wootton Photography, Salvation Army USA West, South African Tourism, phalinn, WilliamsProjects, j_bary, Japanexperterna.se, thephotographymuse, Elvert Barnes, ThoroughlyReviewed, hairy:jacques, joncutrer, wuestenigel, Franck_Michel, jimwerner25, Imahinasyon Photography, joanne clifford, m01229, Antonio Campoy Ederra, Our Dream Photography (Personal), shixart1985, davidstewartgets, couples in nature, Dage - Looking For Europe, jonseidman, andymw91, garryknight, wuestenigel, Rosmarie Voegtli, werner.philipps, Gage Skidmore, Novafly, dinuxm1, Eddie Yip, Prayitno / Thank you for (10 millions +) views, DMahendra, James_Seattle, jamkablam, vanitystudiosphotography, verchmarco (CC BY 2.0), Luiz Gustavo Leme, oki_jappo, Daquella manera, CasparGirl, Mary Anne Morgan, inkknife_2000 (10.5 million + views), homethods, wocintechchat, Hypnotica Studios Infinite, dailyrectangle, Tobyotter, torbakhopper, Kevin Johnston, David Robb, eisenberg_emily, True Portraits, Douglas Pimentel, pmarkham, Noize Photography, rawdonfox, dollen, davidstewartgets, ed and eddie, Ryosuke Yagi, Anthony_Greene, Ruth and Dave, best couples, Jenn Durfey, Cost3l, Orin Zebest, anjanettew, dollen, Editor B, Alexander Day, LyndaSanchez, polosopuestosblog, UpSticksNGo, Agência Brasil, homethods, Find Rehab Centers, Novafly, Deornelas4, buzzern, seefit, C. VanHook (vanhookc), University of Delaware Alumni Relations, Franck_Michel, gordontarpley, Chris Photography(王權), usadifranci, virgohobbs, TheUglySweaterShop, popofatticus, wuestenigel (CC BY 2.0), Mitya Ku, Stefano Montagner - The life around me, Official U.S. Navy Imagery, xxxology, Valentina (GaiaPhotography), True Portraits, Lars Plougmann, Scioto Photos, Carlos ZGZ, quinn.anya, anokarina, amtecstaffing, mliu92, sfbaywalk, MakaiylaW, jerseytom55, Ray in Manila, BoldContent, stevenbates, Janitors, True Portraits, dwhartwig, Kuruman, sffoghorn, liveoncelivewild, mripp, Magdalena Roeseler, Tambako the Jaguar, Barbro Andersen, cbcmemberphotos2477, dejankrsmanovic, weeklydig, Free For Commercial Use (FFC), Sharon C Johnson, Phuketian.S, WeTravel.com, Gunn Shots (On and off these days), valentin hintikka, homethods, JasonParis, kennethkonica, Gregg Vandenberghe, Alyssa L. Miller, theblacknemesis, jdlasica, verchmarco, lizbennington, Artem Beliaikin, best couples, Tony Webster, Infomastern, www.audio-luci-store.it, Our Dream Photography (Personal), LandBetweentheLakesKYTN, KRWonders, donnierayjones, tristendomusic, [email protected], ::ErWin, cnu_sports, gagilas, euthman, ierdnall, jeffreyw, liveoncelivewild, melan.cholerikerin, Artur Malinowski, blachswan, szwerink, wuestenigel, Foodista, toptenalternatives, Cubmundo, Kirt Edblom, Glenn Loos-Austin, wuestenigel, eleonoralbasi, wuestenigel, LyndaSanchez, gagilas, torbakhopper, Gage Skidmore, irio.jyske, LyndaSanchez, Theo Crazzolara, garryknight, kennethkonica, rentalrealities
  • Blog
  • About
  • Popular
  • Education
  • Social Science
  • Travel
  • Products
  • Contact