Leggings are UNDISPUTEDLY the Best Pants — Unless Your Goal is Mosquito Bite Prevention.

I didn't get a single mosquito bite during my trip to the Everglades. Image: @TheHappyTalent

It is known.

Leggings aren't merely acceptable as pants — leggings are the best pants. 

They beat all other pants in terms of comfort, mobility, and their amazing ability to flatter every body. (With the obvious exception being bad leggings, which flatter no​ body.)

It's true. Despite popular misconception that fat people should only wear mumus and tents, plus-sized women actually look better in more tailored clothing — which, as I wrote in Plus Size Fashion is Difficult, Because No Two 16s Are Alike, is one of the reasons so many plus sizes suck so much. Because the distribution of human weight isn't normal:

Many brands make their plus sizes to fit a larger range of body sizes — that is, most size 16 clothing fits more like XXL than a true, tailored size 16.

Which obviously isn't a problem when it comes to leggings. 

​And let's be honest — which women look better? These:

​Or these:

THAT SAID.

I just returned from a magical, life-changing trip to the Everglades in my amazing RV:

See also:I Would Literally Rather Die Than Live in a Van.

The Everglades are known for many things — and mosquitoes is one of them. 

Which is why I wore long pants for most of my trip — BUT NEVER LEGGINGS.

Because I've seen what happens to girls who wear leggings in the jungle... and the Everglades can't be that much different, right? 

It was April 2019, and I was on the Kinabatangan River in Bilit, Malaysia, looking for hornbills, kingfishers, proboscis monkeys, and, of course, our orange cousin, the orangutan. 

Because of limited lodging options in the jungle, I booked a dorm-style room with two Swedish girls... who thought leggings would protect them from mosquito bites.

We went hiking together, and it was obvious that the mosquitoes could easily bite them right through the thin, tight material. 

When they took off their pants back in the dorm that night... they didn't even have asses. They just has red mounds covering every inch of their flesh. It was almost funny — except for their obvious and extreme discomfort. 

I, meanwhile, survived both Kinabatangan and the Everglades without a single bite — and I've got my handy dandy "jungle pants" to thank.

Image: If No One Cares About Your Travel Stories, It's Probably YOUR Fault.

Image: The Happy Talent on Facebook

Which also provide a small amount of skin protection while riding a bike or scooter.

Image: Either Travelers Are Jerks, or Everyone in the World is Barbaric Except Americans

(If you like these, they are the Kuhl Freeflex Move pants in desert khaki. I am 6'0 and normally wear a size 27 pants, and I bought these in the Medium Regular size. Another inch in the inseam would have been nice, but I was time-limited and these are actually just long enough even in the regular size. If you don't like these but still need jungle pants, I recommend selecting a fast-drying material; a light color to keep you cool and to make it easier to spot leeches; pockets with zippers to keep your belongings safer; pockets your passport and phone fit into; little tightener thingies at the cuffs so you can keep the bugs out without gaiters, though in certain environments you're going to want gaiters, anyway; a loose fit to keep the bugs from biting through the material; and, of course, comfort.)

So! While leggings are undisputedly the best pants overall — for yoga, for looking good no matter what your body type, for dancing, for turning the whole world into your own personal jungle gym:

There is one category in which they absolutely fail, and it is mosquito protection. 

​For this, you're going to need a bigger boat. 

(Also, don't be the moron who shows up in a mosquito-infested area with "all-natural" lemongrass and lavender bug spray, or you, too, will have no ass. If you want to avoid itchiness and mosquito-borne diseases, it's DEET or die.)