A stranger says to you, "Hey, I need a hug right now." What would you do? Why?

4/7/2017

Asked this question recently, it only took me about half a second to realize there is only one right answer:

It totally depends on how I feel about the stranger.

I’d make a decision based on their appearance, body language, location, seeming intentions, mental state, and whatever other factors I deem relevant in the moment.

If I want to hug them, I’ll hug them. If I don’t, I won’t, and I don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why, beyond, “I don’t want to.”

See, I’m a feminist, and I believe in this thing called “bodily autonomy.” People don't get to touch me unless I say they can -- and I believe one of the most powerful phrases a woman can know (we should al burn it into our brains so we're ready to rip it out, even in the most awkward or unexpected moments) is, "Why are you touching me?"

Or, simply, "STOP touching me."

So, anyway, maybe I decide this is someone I'm comfortable hugging, so I hug them.

Yay!

Or maybe I chose not to hug them. I’d probably say something like, “How about a friendly wave?" or, "Not today -- but hang in there, dude!”

If the person's going to get upset about that, then they're a motherfucker, and I clearly made the right choice by not hugging them.

***

So, there you go. The correct answer to the question, "What would you do if a stranger said to you, 'I really need a hug right now.''"

For further reading, I highly recommend:

The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Gif ALL Women Need to See IMMEDIATELY.

And, of course:

Need Proof Women Are Taught to "Be Nice" -- Even When They're In Danger? Prepare to be HORRIFIED.

4 Comments

Michelle

4/8/2017 10:09:29 am

Eva, thanks for all your articles on autonomy, bodily and otherwise--I've been reading your blog for about a year now, and some of your posts have absolutely gotten me thinking about the ways in which women are discouraged from setting boundaries and being "impolite." I really think they've contributed to my becoming more assertive.

Tone Police

4/19/2017 08:25:34 am

You may have already written about the person I am going to mention, but I couldn't find it here or on your FB page. But she is RIGHT down your alley and certainly worthy of a piece. You may have missed some of the stories she stirred up while you were on your well-deserved vacation!

Didi Delgado... wtf. She is an anti-white black racist SJW in the Boston area. Her whole thing is "white people, give me money to tell you how terrible you really are!" No exaggeration, she will straight up tell you about it. And many of them do! Certainly has more of an audience and "fans" than your wonderful and brilliant FB page and Happy Talent blog.

She caused a big stir with these two "viral" pieces.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/befriending-becky-on-the-imperative-of-intersectional_us_58a339efe4b080bf74f04114

"I don’t like white women" is literally the first line. Also, note that the picture of the black woman sucking a lollipop at the Women's march (at top of article) is very popular in SJW circles... which is ridiculous! Her sign says "Remember: white women voted for Trump". And she is holding that sign in a crowd of 100,000s of thousands of white women who DIDN'T vote for Trump. Seriously, how many Trump voters went to the march? Stupidest thing ever... and celebrated widely.

Keep in mind, I have ALWAYS been left/liberal, especially on issues of black justice. These SJWs, though, are like a Nazi recruiter's wet dream! I'm not alt-right, not all-white, and STILL sticking to my liberal guns. But man, these people test me...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/whites-only-surj-and-the-caucasian-invasion-of-racial_us_58dd5cf7e4b04ba4a5e25209

One thing I WILL credit her for is exposing the Huffpo editors who were groveling for her pieces, which showed what clickbait whores they really are. Don't have that link, but it was on her FB page, I think.

For more of the wonderful Didi, here she is speaking with her pal Leslie Mac about how they kicked a woman out of their talk for saying things like "I'm white, but not racist". Keep in mind this was involved with the Unitarian Church, which they are a part of apparently and are trying to run any dissenters to SJW dogma out of the church. What kind of church lets people like this WIN? The arrogance of these two just drips off the screen. Two other notes: 1. Essence Magazine just named Leslie Mac one of their "100 Woke Women". 2. Leslie's husband is WHITE! That is not the first time I have run across this with shrieking non-white SJWs. What kind of church would EVER have anything to do with folks like this who openly calls their members "bitches"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_7PLddz7Ww

The idea that I would be HAPPY to see a single black mother slip further into poverty (because Huffpo and patreon don't pay all the bills) would have never occurred to me before the SJW/social media explosion. But Didi? Suffer, honey, suffer. Here is her latest rant:

"I believe Black liberation work must focus on Black people. Period. But I also believe my rent is due in 12 days, and I can't continue this work if my child and I are panhandling for Hot Pockets and motel money outside of Fenway Park.

So if white people want to give me money to yell at them for 2 hours I'm damn sure going to accommodate them. I'm like a racial justice dominatrix specializing in white fragility. I teach anti-racism workshops because I'm qualified as fuck and like to hear myself talk. I'm also an expert on racism. Why? I'll tell you. I've been Black for about 300,000 hours (please don't do the math.) It only takes 900 hours to become a SCUBA instructor. I'm basically the Michael Phelps of anti-racism.

My audiences are frequently really white, but my classes are not "white spaces." Apartheid rules are in full effect. I'm not candy coating anything. If you're white and attend my class you WILL be made uncomfortable. If you prefer a meaningless yet "comfortable" discussion about racism - I have a list of organizations that can help you out.

And I don't educate white people for free. My time is valuable. Any money I make from my side-gigs helps sustain my Black child, my Black family, my Black friends, my Black weed dealer, and the Black women who come across my time line or reach out to me for help. Don't get it twisted. The real work happens behind the scenes—not on panels or in classrooms. It happens when we're teaching poetry workshops to the youth. It happens when my squad is running the Books and Breakfast program at the YWCA. It happens when we're raising funds for Black women trying to realize their dreams while capitalism is trying to suppress them.

So call me a hypocrite if you must, but don't forget that the struggle is as treacherous as it is beautiful. My primary obligation is to myself and my survival... to my freedom. And as Malcolm said, I'm going to handle that shit by any means necessary.

www.youcaring.com/blmsummer

4/25/2017 09:28:35 am

thank you for putting some light on Didi on Facebook! She is the gift that keeps on giving. NOTE: she recently mentioned an interview that she gave to the NYT. The thought that the "mainstream" would give this woman a platform is incredible.

She isn't going away any time soon...

FYI: Leslie Mac is now selling t-shirts! You can get "Let me be really honest, it is a PRIVILEGE to hear us!" or "Black Lives>White Feelings".

https://www.facebook.com/lesliemacFRN?fref=ts

I kind of agree with the second one, but the way in which the #BLM message has been pushed across has largely been obnoxious, self-defeating, and Trump-electing... What this usually means is:

Black activist: <generalized statement about all white people>
White civil rights supporter/liberal activist: "I really don't think I'm racist, not sure why you want to lump us all together".
Black activist: "your white feelings and tears don't matter!"

Also, Leslie reveals that she went to an all-girls elite boarding school. That makes perfect sense! I knew the overarching smugness and entitlement coming from her in her videos had to come from somewhere.

So let's see, fancy boarding school... white husband... somebody has some over-compensating to do by morphing into "black radical!" Someone with your psych background could probably analyze this behavior better than I.

4/27/2017 08:48:05 am

You may also enjoy Kinfolk Kollective.

http://kinfolkkollective.com/2017/04/26/nah-becky-and-brad-you-cant-touch-my-dog/

Run by a writer named Lasha Robinson. Like Didi, Lasha has a disturbing amount of "mainstream" respect. She has written for Ebony, Teen Vogue, etc. Lasha is so racist she makes Didi look like MLK! Just pure hatred of ALL white people every single day on her blog and on her Kinfolk Kollective FB page. "White people, you come on her to read the fruits of my labor, but then you don't PAY for work done by black bodies."

She doesn't bother to explain that she isn't just talking about her FB page, but the blog as well. Which leads to confusion as her sycophant army sometimes dissents and asks "wait, why should I pay for FB posts?" Of course, the majority of her white followers are not so discerning and just say some SJW stuff: "I see you. As soon as I get my fibromyalgia healing paid off, I will send you some money". Which will often set Lasha off, with a post like "I am tired of white people saying they will pay me for my black body labour on this FB page, because they have bills to pay or some other white shit". And then a few white people will chime in "I see you. My power is getting turned off, but I can still send you 5$".

Recently, some white trolls found her gofundme or other e-begging site, donated, then accuse her of fraud for not delivering. Causes her a headache as the refund process on those sites is apparently a pain in the ass. It was amusing...

The piece above is NOT by Lasha but by some other activist.It's about how he doesn't let white people pet his dog. This is your typical Lasha/Kinfolk Kollective material... I'm not sure if you know that Becky and Brad (sometimes Chad) are black slurs against white people, but yeah, they are. But, hey, nonwhite people can't be racist against white people, dontcha know? And don't you go pulling out some white shit like a dictionary and looking up racism! That's gaslighting, erasure, blah blah blah...

A stranger says to you, "Hey, I need a hug right now." What would you do? Why?

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