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"It is a happy talent to know how to play."

There's No Such Thing As Small Talk -- Only Small Minds.

8/17/2021

32 Comments

 
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A while back, I wrote that there are no bad essay topics — there are only bad essays. 

Similarly, there is no such thing as small talk — only small minds. The good news is, if you're one of those people who "hates small talk" or thinks small talk is "boring" or "meaningless" or "shallow," you are not doomed to be boring and meaningless and shallow. 

"Small talk," like any social skill, is a skill. And this one is really easy to learn.

​All you have to do...

Is care what other people say.​
​
Yes, really — that's it!

A behavior commonly mistaken as flirting (See also: Why you should "flirt" with basically everyone), listening to people when they talk and caring what they say is like, the greatest and easiest social skill ever!

And, unlike when you're sitting there talking endlessly about yourself, it's a really cool opportunity to learn something you didn't already know.

Here's a story I shared on Quora after seeing dozens of people ask questions about how to avoid small talk:

I was camping (for free, by the way — see also: Harvest Hosts) at Indianhead Mountain up in the UP, and I stopped by the Sky Bar (they have all-you-can-eat chicken wings on Tuesdays — I couldn’t not!) for dinner and a bonfire.
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Image: Harvest Hosts Lets You Camp For Free. It's Also Keeping Small Businesses From Closing During the Pandemic.

There were several people at the bonfire — all locals. All from a super small, isolated town. (“It’s not a town, actually — it’s a village,” one of them.. either corrected me or joked.) None had traveled. None even really had internet in their homes.

We seemingly had nothing in common — what could we possibly have to talk about?

It ended up being one of the most interesting, energizing nights of my trip (and I've just started the 18th month of the trip, so that's saying something!).

I asked everyone how they knew each other — two had met working on a small goat island (“Wait — what??!!”), and I couldn’t stop asking follow-up questions (“So…. you pay to rent the goats? How much does it cost per day to rent a goat? If you have goats, why did you also need to rent sheep? Where do they do in the winter? Have you tried goat yoga?”).
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Free camping! Image: @TheHappyTalent

I asked one what he did for work — he told me that he was the manager at not one, but two local grocery stores, and some of the logistics and challenges he’s faced rival those of my friends with fancy tech jobs in Silicon Valley. The ins and outs of running a grocery store are endlessly fascinating.

Then, I asked a question that really got the men fired up:

“What kind of chainsaw do you use?”
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Image: @EvaViaMusic

This sparked a very lively discussion about the advantages and disadvantages to different types of chainsaws, as well as stories about the family and local history of logging in this area. Prior to The Question, two of the men had crushed their beer cans and said goodnight — then they stayed another hour to share their stories and experiences.

"Where do you work?”

“How do you know each other?”

“What product do you recommend?”

To a small mind, this is small talk. To a large, open, and curious mind, this is the stuff of lasting friendships and unforgettable conversation.

***

So there you go. Open your mind to learning. Become curio​us. Be genuinely interested in others. Suddenly, small talk won't feel so small anymore. 

Another Quora user had a slightly different perspective, which I also wanted to share here. On the same question, Jerry Pagart answered:
​You have to become less self centered and develop some empathy.

You tend to hate small talk because you feel it isn’t about you. You find interesting only what is about you directly, and even better, if only you knows it. It is likely that you hate to share, even your words, let aside your thoughts.

While you are convinced that this is a behavior that makes you important and you are protecting your important stuff, I have news for you: you are a total nothing, a nihil, a zero, a total no-interest to the vast majority of the people around you. They would hardly waste more than 3 minutes of their time to even think about you. Just like about me. Just like about everybody.

Now that we have established that we are important almost only to ourselves, and apart from that we all are zeroes:

Small talk is not about exchanging useless information.

It is about sharing instant feelings (no, do not panic, not your well kept feelings, but an instant feeling of contentment and small happiness). It is about meeting someone in a good humor, taking some of his good humor and give something back, while exchanging these small, insignificant words. Wanting to be graceful to someone shows empathy. It shows that you are anthropocentric and not egocentric, that you care about others and not only about your self.

You feel that small talk is not worth it because you thing that exchanging only serious talk gives you value. Your problem is that you feel worthless and you are desperately looking for ways to look valuable, even to yourself. I have more news for you: we all feel like this sometimes. But most people don’t make a big deal of it.

Relax and enjoy the simple things in life. Do not worry so much about your worth, it doesn’t depend on small talk -actually, the more reactionary you are to common everyday things, the less value you have to others.

Build some self esteem and some feeling of self worth by being genuinely nice and empathetic. Stop trying to protect yourself and everything that’s yours (thoughts, words, objects etc) as if they are highly important. Actually, it is way more important to question and re-assess everything in you constantly. It is called education and self-growing.
It is easier said than done. You can try, but if you feel you can’t do it alone, seek professional help.



Is it a harsh take? Sure. But sometimes, cruel is the kindest thing you can be — especially given how rare honest feedback is — from friends, from family, and even from professional therapists.

I'm glad I read his answer, because I think he's identified another reason people might hate "small talk." They prefer ME! ME! ME! talk.

Which is a really good way to make people forget or dislike you.

​Be bigger than that. 
32 Comments
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4/21/2024 09:09:54 am

Charisma is a science. Not an art. Some people automatically learn it. Others need to actively learn it.

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Marco
8/15/2024 04:32:48 pm

I can only do big talk on account of my head was so big momma said they had to bring a crane in through the window to get me out.

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3/1/2026 12:14:43 am

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3/14/2026 03:16:49 am

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Megan Taylor
3/14/2026 07:29:46 pm

I acquired my first home at the beginning of the year. To some, lottery players appear ridiculous, while we view it as a chance for an improved future. I'm known as Megan Taylor and I have played the lottery for over ten years, yet I haven't won anything substantial. In my pursuit of understanding how to win better, I was advised to consult Lord Meduza, the priest who provided me with the precise 6 numbers that helped me secure the Mega Millions jackpot of $277 million after using his spell powers and following his guidance. Lord Meduza services is top notch, and I believe your dreams aren't finished unless you decide they are. Contact Lord Meduza the priest and he will assist you in realizing your aspirations..

Email: [email protected]
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Website: lordmeduzatemple.com

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Olivia Brett
3/17/2026 11:38:09 am

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3/19/2026 10:32:48 am

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Dexter Berger
3/21/2026 06:02:51 pm

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SOPHIA BRENDA
3/24/2026 10:11:22 am

Good day viewers, I wish to share my testimony with all of you. I have daily 9 to 5 jobs, but while I work, I try my luck at playing instant Lotto. On this particular day, I decided to seek help online regarding tips for winning the lottery and I saw many individuals testifying about OGBO spells. I reached out to him and informed him that I needed help to win the lottery, and he clarified the process to me stating that after he casts the spell, it will take 48 hours for him to provide me the winning numbers which I accepted. I followed all his instructions and he provided me with the numbers to enter the Lottery. After the draw the following morning I received a notification on the Lottery app on my phone indicating that I was the lucky winner of $273 million on the New Jersey Lottery and I'm here to extend my heartfelt gratitude to OGBO Spell If you seek help in your life, WhatsApp +2348110968476 or Email: [email protected]

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SOPHIA BRENDA
3/25/2026 06:47:06 pm

Good day viewers, I wish to share my testimony with all of you. I have daily 9 to 5 jobs, but while I work, I try my luck at playing instant Lotto. On this particular day, I decided to seek help online regarding tips for winning the lottery and I saw many individuals testifying about OGBO spells. I reached out to him and informed him that I needed help to win the lottery, and he clarified the process to me stating that after he casts the spell, it will take 48 hours for him to provide me the winning numbers which I accepted. I followed all his instructions and he provided me with the numbers to enter the Lottery. After the draw the following morning I received a notification on the Lottery app on my phone indicating that I was the lucky winner of $273 million on the New Jersey Lottery and I'm here to extend my heartfelt gratitude to OGBO Spell If you seek help in your life, WhatsApp +2348110968476 or Email: [email protected]

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Gillian Bayford
3/26/2026 02:36:02 am

I want to use this medium to share my incredible manifesting with Dr. Kachi, who truly changed my life. For a long time, I struggled with homelessness after losing my job as a nurse. Life felt like an endless battle, and I spent many years trying to win the lottery, hoping for a better future. But despite my efforts, I had no success and was growing increasingly frustrated. That was until I came across an amazing testimony from a woman named Natasha, who shared how Dr. Kachi helped her win the National EuroMillions jackpot. I had always loved playing EuroMillions, but winning seemed impossible for me. However, after seeing Natasha's story, I decided to reach out to Dr. Kachi prepared a special spell to help me with guaranteed lucky numbers. Within 24 hours, he provided me with the winning numbers and instructed me to play. To my amazement, I won £184.656 million in the EuroMillions! Thanks to Dr. Kachi, my life has been transformed, and my financial situation has changed for the better. I will never forget this joyful moment, as it has been the best thing to ever happen to me. If you’re struggling and seeking a way out, never give up. Dr. Kachi can help you, just as he helped me. Keep your faith and take a chance – your life could change too! contact website https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site his email [email protected] or his phone text or call number: +1 (209) 675-7342

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Rebecca Knight
3/30/2026 03:12:44 am

Google AI has caused me more problems than it has solved. I was connected to a cryptocurrency trader through Google AI and lost my hard-earned money to a scam. If it weren't for the assistance of Lord Meduza, whom my sister-in-law recommended to me, I wouldn’t have been able to win the $435 MILLION Mega Millions Lottery. My life could have taken a drastic turn due to the overwhelming bills I faced after being cheated by the crypto traders. Lord Meduza utilized his extraordinary spell powers to determine the perfect six numbers I needed to win the Mega Millions Lottery, and I followed his instructions to play those numbers. I am incredibly thankful for the support, love, and kindness he has shown, which is beyond measure. For further details on contacting him regarding his services, please visit this website: lordmeduzatemple.com or If you need an immediate response, you can email him via: [email protected]

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Natasha Thomson
3/30/2026 04:37:21 pm

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RUTH MARIS
4/3/2026 12:50:53 am

I used to be a very poor woman who has always not found luck when it comes to playing the lottery. I have been playing the lottery since i was 21 years and now i am 45 meaning i have been playing lottery for 24 years. The biggest amount I have ever won in my life was 400 bucks. But one day my story turns to history after I find this man's name on the Internet that he is the best when it comes to winning the lottery. This man is a very strong voodoo doc who gives out the numbers that can never fail. After all my years of laboring and struggling to win the lottery i finally won ( $27,000,000) Dr Alli is the name, Email:  [email protected] or contact him on his whatsApp number +2348106683841 this is the only way to win the lottery and the best way

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Jeffery Vargas
4/3/2026 06:47:58 pm

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Deborah Gilbert
4/3/2026 10:28:18 pm

I was convinced after using the numbers provided by DR OGBO when I told him I wanted to win the lottery because of the post I saw online about his winning numbers, he said he has helped a lot of people and I won't be an exception to that, he put in work for me after I provided the necessary Information he requested from me, after then he gave me the numbers to play after 24hours and directed me on how to play and when I should play them which I did, I won £5.2 million pounds, I'm excited that my dream has come through, Dr OGBO is the best when it comes to winning the lottery with spell and prayers Email: [email protected] OR WhatsApp +2348110968476 thank you

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Sophia Brenda
4/3/2026 11:04:34 pm

Good day viewers, I wish to share my testimony with all of you. I have daily 9 to 5 jobs, but while I work, I try my luck at playing instant Lotto. On this particular day, I decided to seek help online regarding tips for winning the lottery and I saw many individuals testifying about OGBO spells. I reached out to him and informed him that I needed help to win the lottery, and he clarified the process to me stating that after he casts the spell, it will take 48 hours for him to provide me the winning numbers which I accepted. I followed all his instructions and he provided me with the numbers to enter the Lottery. After the draw the following morning I received a notification on the Lottery app on my phone indicating that I was the lucky winner of $273 million on the New Jersey Lottery and I’m here to extend my heartfelt gratitude to OGBO Spell If you seek help in your life, WhatsApp +2348110968476 or Email: [email protected]

Reply
Gillian Bayford
4/4/2026 04:05:20 am

I want to use this medium to share my incredible manifesting with Dr. Kachi, who truly changed my life. For a long time, I struggled with homelessness after losing my job as a nurse. Life felt like an endless battle, and I spent many years trying to win the lottery, hoping for a better future. But despite my efforts, I had no success and was growing increasingly frustrated. That was until I came across an amazing testimony from a woman named Natasha, who shared how Dr. Kachi helped her win the National EuroMillions jackpot. I had always loved playing EuroMillions, but winning seemed impossible for me. However, after seeing Natasha's story, I decided to reach out to Dr. Kachi prepared a special spell to help me with guaranteed lucky numbers. Within 24 hours, he provided me with the winning numbers and instructed me to play. To my amazement, I won £184.656 million in the EuroMillions! Thanks to Dr. Kachi, my life has been transformed, and my financial situation has changed for the better. I will never forget this joyful moment, as it has been the best thing to ever happen to me. If you’re struggling and seeking a way out, never give up. Dr. Kachi can help you, just as he helped me. Keep your faith and take a chance – your life could change too! contact website https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site his email [email protected] or his phone text or call number: +1 (209) 675-7342

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Heather Delaney
4/5/2026 12:40:20 am


Powerful Love Spell to Fix Your Broken Marriage/Relationship.
It is amazing how quickly Dr. Excellent brought my husband back to me. My name is Heather Delaney. I married the love of my life Riley on 10/02/15 and we now have two beautiful girls Abby & Erin, who are conjoined twins, that were born 07/24/16. My husband left me and moved to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. I tried to be strong just for the kids but I could not control the pains that tormented my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because I was really in love with my husband. I have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that directed me to Dr. Excellent a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 11hours. Me and my husband are living happily together again, This man is powerful, contact Dr. Excellent if you are passing through any difficulty in life or having troubles in your marriage or relationship, he is capable of making things right for you. Don't miss out on the opportunity to work with the best spell caster. Here his contact. Call/WhatsApp him at: +2348084273514 "Or email him at: [email protected] ,For more information visit his website:https://drexcellentspellcaster.godaddysites.com

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Becca Wood
4/13/2026 07:21:57 am

Wishing good fortune to everyone who comes across this comment. I went bankrupt last year due to failed business ideas. I used to enjoy playing the lottery for fun but as my situation worsened financially, I sought help to win big this time and found a man called MEDUZA, who has assisted numerous individuals worldwide with their financial issues. This man prepared a powerful spell for me that enabled him to get the secrete lucky numbers for me, I played the game with the numbers and to my astonishment, I discovered that I had won $259 million Jackpot after 2 weeks just has he said; Today, I’m now free of debt and I own different investments globally. Without Meduza, I wouldn’t have made it through the tough times I experienced last year. Truly, MEDUZA is a divine presence among us. If you are currently struggling in aspect of your life, reach out to MEDUZA through the below information's.
Whats-App: +1 807 798 3042
Email: [email protected]
Website: lordmeduzatemple.com

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