Once upon a time, I met a super cool dude at a book reading. I remember the moment I saw the back of his head. Then, during the Q&A, he moved to the chair next to me, and the sparks instantly started flying.
But it didn't take long to figure out I never wanted to see him again.
He was a professor with a startup and a passion for positive psychology – which is kind of what I’m into. I mean, technically, I’m into leisure skills and playfulness. But there’s totally overlap.
His eyes were gorgeous and we had an explosive conversation. But what I loved most is that he asked amazing questions. Like he really valued my perspective. Like he was really peering into my soul and asking questions I wanted to answer.
On a scale of 1-10, he was a 10.
Yet… something was off. Even after discussing We Need to Talk About Kevin, kicking our shoes off and running through a fountain, and standing by a clock tower, just to watch the gears move – there was something off.
I wasn’t quite able to put my finger on it right away. But later, I realized the problem:
He asked the best questions anyone’s ever asked me.
He didn’t let me answer a single one.
Him: Your thesis sounds interesting! So basically you found that students at a community college were more playful than students at Stanford?
Me: Well, not quite. Students at both schools said they wanted to play equal amounts. The difference was in what they –
Him: That rich people play more than poor people? Yeah, I read a book about that that said that bla bla bla.
(Who cares what he said next? He didn’t have the respect to listen to me. Why should I listen to him?)
The point here is, no matter how great your questions are – no matter how much interest you think you’re showing – it’s really hard to fake authenticity.
That’s where the whole charisma thing comes in. People, especially dudes, love books full of if:then statements for different dating scenarios. They love scripts and lines and strategies. But if you go into a date with a script in mind, it’s going to be extremely difficult to come across as authentic.
Olivia Fox Cabane gives some of the best dating advice I’ve ever read – and it wasn’t even ostensibly meant to be dating advice. Among other suggestions in her book, The Charisma Myth, she suggests:
Cabane’s book contains more great dating advice than you’d ever read in an actual dating guide. Plus, you’ll learn a lot about how to have better conversations with family and at work.
Master the art of authenticity, and you’ll have more success in pretty much every part of your life.
Want to know more? Check out:
About the Author
Eva is a content specialist with a passion for play, travel... and a little bit of girl power. Read more >
Want to support The Happy Talent? CLICK HERE!
Or Find me on Patreon!
What's Popular on The Happy Talent:
Trending in Dating and Relationships:
What's Popular in Science:
Playfulness and Leisure Skills:
Popular in Psychology and Social Skills: