Just Because Olympians Use a Lot of Condoms, Doesn't Mean They're Having a Lot of Sex.

(International Olympic Committee)

I know it's titillating to think about all the sex Olympians must be having. Just four days ago, journalists were abuzz with some very important news: the Olympic village will be stocked with 37 condoms per athlete.

I'm going to go ahead and state the obvious:

Just because Olympic athletes are taking a lot of free condoms, doesn't mean they're having a lot of sex. 

There's another explanation that is just as likely:

The condoms are free, and they're cool, so athletes hoard them. 

I know multiple Olympians who reported hoarding condoms -- and that that's what many other athletes were doing, too. 

I definitely don't blame them. If I were at the Olympics, and they were handing out these:

Not pictured: Beijing 2008 Olympics condoms, printed with the motto, "Faster, higher, stronger."

I would grab a handful (or bagful) at every opportunity! Even though under no circumstances would I use them for sex. (Physical intimacy actually means something to me, so...) They'd make for great souvenirs -- mementos for friends, coaches, teammates, and even family members who helped you along the day.

Or, if you're completely alone in life, you can auction them off at a profit. 

Are you seriously telling me you wouldn't take as many as possible?

And, sure. Some athletes probably are having some or a lot of sex. They're physically fit and attractive people with lots of testosterone, after all. But it's hard and dumb to try to guess how much/many based solely on how many free Olympic condoms they're taking. 

If you are going to go to the Olympics and have empty, meaningless sex with random strangers, here are a few things to keep in mind: 

How NOT to Be The Girl From 'Cat Person'

If you're not comfortable using your words to express discomfort or preferences during a sexual encounter, you might not be ready for said sexual encounter.

The Orgasm Gap is Real -- But Don't Blame It on the Patriarchy.

Given the deeply intimate nature of sex, sexy-time is probably one of the most important times for you to have and exercise agency.
 
Now, sexual agency doesn’t just mean saying no to things you don’t want. It means telling your partner what you do want. It means setting expectations, boundaries, and, yes, standards, for yourself and your partner.

The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Gif ALL Women Need to See ASAP:

​In no case ever is it "rude" not to want to have sex with -- or kiss, or hold hands with -- someone. In fact, if you're not enthusiastically gung-ho about it, it's pretty damn rude of him to be pushing forward with his advances.

He is the rude one. Not you.

I'm Not Using My Feminine Wiles. I'm Just Worth Spending Time With.

You are one of the best people at what you do in the world. You have had experiences very few other people have. If that doesn't make you worth spending time with for the person you are, and not for your titties and the junk you have between your legs, I don't know what does. 

The Stanford Kink Klub Has the Healthies Sex on Campus. Here's Why

If you can't clearly communicate what it is you want from someone, you have no right to be disappointed when you don't get it. And if you haven't clearly communicated what you want, you shouldn't try to do the thing you want to do. 

Affirmative consent is for everyone's protection. It's the era of #MeToo. Do you want sexual assault to be your Olympic legacy?

Sex doesn't have to be empty and meaningless.

Technology has changed our world. Porn, video games and social media have stunted our social skill development, made us horrible communicators, and given us really empty ideas about what sex means. (See also: Peggy Orenstein's Girls and Sex: Navigating The Complicated New Landscape and Phil Zimbardo's Man Interrupted: Why Today's Young Men Are Suffering and What We Can Do About It.)

But sex doesn't have to be random fucking and sucking. It can actually be insanely erotic and meaningful. I wrote a social commentary song about this. So far, everyone who's heard it hates it -- but I think someday, it might resonate with the right person. Thinking about the way it feels when the right person brushes my hair off my shoulder certainly resonates with me...

But that's just my completely unbiased, non-preachy assessment of kids these days... 

Go USA!

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To learn more about good -- and really bad -- science, check out Ben Goldacre's Bad Science: Quacks, Hacks, and Big Pharma Flacks.